Hi everyone. I am not a great person for sharing my feelings here, I don't know
Why that is, I suppose I don't want to bore everyone. Anyway for the last week I have had
Terrible pain in my lower back on one side, it's very sore when I sit down , and uncomfortable lying in bed. Walking is fine ,no problem.
This has been hard as I have Rheumatoid Arthritis . I haven't been on here much as for some reason and I'm not even sure why, I don't feel a part of this anymore. Maybe
I'm Depressed, was with Psychiatrist on Friday and that was ok.
I think the way I'm feeling is not Depression related ,it's a feeling of not being cared about by my siblings, and realistically I can't see that changing. I cried over it
Last night and felt so alone .
Hannh
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Photogeek
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Hannah you're my bestest depressed internet friend in the whole world - you know this! And I know you're not a 'poster', so seeing this was a lovely surprise! You are most defiantly a wanted, valued and respected member of this forum and if you left, I would too!
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well this week, it sounds awful. And I feel even more sad at the thought of you crying on your own last night. I am here to chat, anytime. And I hope you know this too xx
Glad you are feeling better Hannah. It's been a lovely sunny day here; I've been out walking and then over to one of their houses after for group coffee and cakes; very nice day, so I am lucky. I haven't seen that film yet myself X
Hi Gemma, sounds like you had a lovely day today! How I envy you being in a walking group, I would love that but can't manage to walk as far as they go... Never mind I'm off swimming with someone from the local fibromyalgia support group on Tuesday and have lots of gardening to do this week so that should help!
So sorry about how you are feeling at the moment. You are spot on that physical pain does tend to heighten any kind of emotional pain you might be feeling. Families eh? Even when we realise that things won't change it doesn't mean we don't mourn for them and wonder what we did wrong or wish for something more. If your siblings can't see what everyone else on this forum can see then they don't deserve you.....
This sounds like you might have pulled a muscle. I did this last year and it was agonising but eased if I moved around. Try Ibuprofen or if you have any, a tranquilliser or two (not too many!) as they are essentially muscle relaxants. Also of course make sure these pills won't interract with ones you may be taking for RA.
Oh Hannah, I am sorry you have been in such pain - it doesn't bore people to hear about other people's pain, well it doesn't bore me anyway though I don't always have much to give right now. Do you know what's causing the pain? I know you say you have rheumatoid arthritis which is painful in itself but is the pain on your side arthritis or sciatica?
Glad it went well with the psychiatrist, makes a change for someone to find a good experience with them as so often we hear the negatives though medics are not all bad.
It is sad to feel unloved or unwanted by relations, family are the one place where we should be able to feel we belong. I feel similarly to you though more misunderstood and devalued than unloved though perhaps that's the same thing, but I suppose I mean my sister is not intentionally lacking in care for me and consciously I think she believes she is fond of me.
I know that feeling of being alone in the world, it is reality, we are all alone but it is sad when we feel it, as if we are loved by family and friends then we do not feel alone. You are such a lovely person I am sure there will be people in your immediate world you care about you, friends maybe, and if you have no friends where you live you do have friends here and we care about you so you are not entirely alone. I wish you lived near as we could meet up for coffee and comfort.
Thanks Sue for that. Yes I have a few friends in Dublin who do care,
But I hurt because one sister who never phoned me much anyway, will
Now just text maybe twice or three times a year. Whereas I would not just text family I would phone. But I don't phone any of them any more either.
As you say we are all alone , I am probably quieter and more sensitive than they are, and I know they don't have a clue about Depression. But if they were not my family, I honestly don't think I would like any of them
As people.
Sue hope your well and still making progress with Diet.
Hannah x
Hannah love ya and lots of hugs (((((((((((((((Hannah))))))))))))) xxx
Yes now I think about it I often notice you comment on other people's posts on here but not write one yourself. I always had the impression you were someone who wasn't necessarily suffering in the present moment, but wisely using your past experiences to help others. About your rheumatoid arthritis I had no idea (I don't know if there any communities on here you might find useful?). But I understand it was probably ignorant of me to assume that (and for that, I apologise), because often people have lots going on in their lives and don't talk about it, don't always feel comfortable talking about it and would rather use the forum to help other people. But you shouldn't worry about posting - post when and as you wish - you're a very valued member and I know all of us would rush to be there for you if we know you were struggling - look at how many replies you have already! That's how this forum works after all, no one is assigned to the role of posting and replying, people use the site in the way they feel would be best for them. And people help each other. You say but don't feel apart of it but be assured when I say that there would be a big gap in this forum without you here. Don't worry about boring other people, as I pretty much guarantee at least someone will read and be able to relate to your post (moreover we help others by posting our own grievances too, because people reading know it isn't just them). Nothing you ever say will be boring or insignificant, no one is here to judge. You said when you saw you're psychiatrist on Friday everything seemed ok, but I think it's easy for even them, the experts, to assume this unless we clearly state otherwise. I don't know if you saw my last post (I'm probably a little guilty of posting more than commenting, although it varies depending on my state), but my counsellor said I was doing really well when to be blunt, I am a wreck who's only just holding it together, and scarcely hanging by the thread (I don't deny that I've probably done really well, but that doesn't mean I'm in a good place at the moment - I've cried myself to sleep the past few nights too, but I'm sure I'll be alright anyway I digress) I think this is because in any clinical setting our natural inclination is to be polite and give of the impression that we're better than we really are.
I'm sorry you don't feel cared about by your siblings, I don't really know enough about them to comment on this. But I understand that can leave you feeling very lonely and upset. Please remember we all care about you.
Wanderingwallflower what a lovely response to Hannah. A lot of the things you say "hit the nail on the head" for me. You are so right that when we go to see a psychiatrist or a therapist or anyone at all really because we are polite people we do often make out we are better than we are. It is part of "fitting in" socially and I guess most people do it, but as well in a clinical setting they actually don't seem to deal very well with people being distressed! I have always found this. Having said that I know they are hard pressed and do support as much as they can. I always feel good that I am being "monitored" and can't imagine ever being without a psychiatrist as it is the continuity that I value the most. I know that may not be healthy and one day I should think about "standing on my own two feet" I guess, but at the moment still not ready or able. I have been in the psychiatric system since I was 18 and now 56 nearly! I guess they have looked after me over the years in their own way and looked out for me when no-one else would. I see my psychiatrist every 3 months and when I was really bad once a month, so I guess I am lucky compared with many. Gemma X
Aw thank you for the lovely message. I really appreciate your acknowledgement. I think we're such good actors (in terms of pretending we're ok when we're not) that we do it without realising. What you say about people in a clinical setting not always dealing with distressed people did strike something with me. I guess it's because professionals have to be objective with their clients. But that isn't enough, as humans we need someone who truly understands and empathises and who can bond with us.
There's no problem with having a regular psychiatrist if it helps to feel more secure. They say prevention or early detection of something is the best, and knowing you have them there to go when you do need them might be helping to keep you stable, and therefore make you LESS dependent on them. Furthermore, whether they admit it or not, everyone (or 99% of people I'm sure, as I can't speak for the full population) wants some kind of safety valve in place, someone they can fall back on. It's human nature. I'm glad they've looked after you so well. Most are good, kind people who care about helping others - but I think the times when people have been let down by some of them (unfortunately, some people aren't so lucky with them, and it isn't fair) gives them bad press in general.
Once again Fay such a beautiful and true reply. Yes I agree that having that regularity of contact does prevent a crisis, and it makes me feel more "normal" for you to suggest that maybe we all need this sort of a safety valve. Thank you Fay X
No problem I'm really glad you found my reply helpful. I think we've all been there and experience has helped to realise this more so. A great forum with great members who make the forum (including yourself).
In reply to your question from yesterday im just feeling a bit down at this time ! its now been 6 months since my accident and I am getting a bit bored being at home for all this time.
I know its not down to me but im a person who's used to doing things and I've never really had more than a month away from work even in the bad old days of the 70s and 80s when we had Mrs thatcher to blame for loss of work.
I am trying to keep myself occupied but its getting more difficult everyday.
I am now back having physio after my last operation on the foot , so today my legs and spine are a little stiff because of the manipulation the physio does.
I have my spinal appointment on the thirteenth of this month so I will then probably know my limitations ?.
All I can say to anyone out there is try not to get involved in a road traffic accident its frightening the amount of change to my life since it happened , ive gone from being independent, with my own transport and being reasonably happy , to being a worried wreck.
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X
Feeling better?..
Wish this feeling would stop
I wanna end my life after my fathers passing. Here's why. 
Sorry Guys
Choking
