Hello...

[splot]

Hey, I'm new here, I just sort of stumbled across this site looking for some ideas on how to deal with everything thats going on at the moment.

I'm 19 and a 2nd year uni student, currently in the middle of assignments and my depression has gotten pretty bad. This is not helped by the fact yesterday my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me, which although it is my fault, has knocked me for six.

I've had depression on and off for about 5 years, and i've also self harmed in the past, since being with my boyfriend while still there it was easier to deal with. However, I ended up letting it and my fear of him realising how shit i was a leaving me ruin our relationship. I've decided I'm going to deal with my depression though, because it's currently destroying my life and I don't want to be here anymore.

I've made the decision that on Monday I'm going to go to the doctors and try and get a referral for some counselling from my GP. But I am so scared, that they won't believe me, that it won't help, and just of the whole idea. Also, I'm rather sceptical about counselling as i have tried it once before when i was 16/17 and it didn't do anything.

Sorry for a rambling post, I just sort of need some support to actually go on Monday morning, i don't want to live like this anymore.

[Suzie40]

Hi, are you from Wales?

I'm sorry to hear about your split with your boyfriend, but I think you've made a sensible decision planning to go and see your GP. They're not paid to believe you. You present with your symptoms and they treat accordingly. If you request counselling, and don't get it, see a different GP.

Don't be worried that as it didn't work first tine, it won't again. My first time was ridiculous; she was crap. You have to be in the right place for counselling to be effective.

In the meantime, there are lots of people you can talk to on here, they're a nice bunch! X

[splot]

No, England!

And I hope I have, I've just got the difficulty of me living at university at the moment and my home GP and stuff is hundreds of miles away, but I can't wait till I next go home to sort it out.

I just need someone to talk to, because my boyfriend was the only person who knew about my mental health problems, and now I don't particularly have anyone to turn to.

Thank-you, I appreciated you taking the time to reply, it's made me feel better x

[Suzie40 in reply to splot]

Splot is a place in Wales which is why I asked! How are you feeling today? X

[splot in reply to Suzie40]

Ah, no it's a nickname which my auntie and uncle have used for me since I was a baby! Didn't know it was a place too. I'm stressed, and unmotivated for my uni work which is getting me down because I'm getting annoyed at myself for my lack of motivation especially when deadlines are this monday coming up! How are you? x

[Suzie40 in reply to splot]

I remember the stress of uni work. Can I help with anything? I'm alright thanks, just looking at some new jobs online ...

[splot in reply to Suzie40]

It's definitely not the most fun, especially an all nighter in the library! I'm fine thank-you, just ploughing through it all at a steady pace at the moment, but thank-you.

And ooh, any areas that you are particularly interested in?

[Suzie40 in reply to splot]

Lots, but unfortunately they all pay less than I'm currently on!

[splot in reply to Suzie40]

Ah the money/happiness-interest debate! That's a bummer though, i'm guessing your not happy in your current job as you're looking for a new one?

[MsSad]

Hi splot welcome

Well done on deciding to get some support with your depression, try not to worry about seeing your gp, they are there to help you but you have to be open and honest with them about how you're feeling. Please don't worry about whether counselling etc will work at this stage giving it a go is all u can do. Once you start you can then think about how well it's working for you.

Good luck on Monday and let us know how u get on

[splot in reply to MsSad]

Hey, thank-you and I will be sure to keep you updated with how things go, hopefully it'll be the start of at least something better.

[MrCareBear]

Hi there. As someone who's has recently graduated university whilst living away from home, I can sympathize. I have also experienced the stress of managing the workload whilst battling depression. I would definitely recommend seeing your on campus GP. It helped for me then he referred me to the campus counseling service. You'd be amazed at how not alone you are in regards to what you're feeling. Especially this time of year with the added stress of exams, essays etc.

See your gp, follow their advice and do what it takes to get yourself in a better state of mind. Don't let that pesky depression ruin your degree. X

[splot in reply to MrCareBear]

Depression definitely makes managing a workload that you have no motivation or passion for because of your lack of energy a lot more difficult thats for sure!

I'm going to go to the campus GP monday, and we'll see where we go from there, I'm trying my hardest to not allow this to ruin my degree, then over the summer I can work on ensuring that I come back for my final year with a clear head. x

[cre55y]

Hi. My son is the same age as you and attempted suicide after being dumped by his girlfriend. I would really urge you to see student support services as soon as possible - his have been brilliant with a very supportive counsellor. I know it can be incredibly difficult to admit to any mental health issues (everyone on here has been there!) but the help is there when you can pluck up the courage to ask for it. If you had been diagnosed with cancer you wouldn't be ashamed to ask for help. Hopefully you will find a GP who understands that what you are going through is just as frightening and potentially harmful as any physical illness.

Good luck. There is light at the end of the tunnel x

[splot in reply to cre55y]

I'm sorry to hear that, no parent should have to suffer with that worry - I hope he's improving now.

My boyfriend knows about my mental health issues, so for me that's not an issue, and I have a lot of respect for him as he has said that he will support me while i begin the process of hopefully dealing with and understanding my problems. Im very fortunate in that sense!

Thank-you for taking the time to reply to my post

[Hidden]

Hi splot and welcome to the website. We are a very friendly bunch on here and have all suffered from depression so will support you whenever we can and welcome your support too when you feel up to it.

So, you are another student in the middle of the run up to end of year exams and assignments - it is a really stressful time I know. I am sorry your boyfriend broke up with you - bad timing apart from anything else! Yes, I can understand how being with your boyfriend made it easier to cope with depression and self-harming tendencies, but it sounds as if you blame yourself for the relationship ending and feel you messed it up by being anxious about what he would think of you if he knew what you were really like. That's a bit sad and hard on yourself too! You are human and we all have problems at some time in our lives - remember one in four people suffer from mental health problems so there is nothing so wrong with your doing so too!

You say you are in your second year at Uni - why not see the student counsellors if you have not already done so - they are really experienced, often more than counsellors you can see through your GP, and very used to supporting students at this time of year. Have you tried contacting the counselling service through the students union?

You say you have tried counselling before and it didn't DO anything - you are right in a way, counselling does not do anything - what it offers is a space where you can begin to share your worst feelings and jointly think about where the feelings come from and what you might do about them. Nobody can make you better but counselling can be supportive which does often make people feel somewhat better. Understanding what your own depression is about - and each of us is different - can enable you to begin to understand what triggers your darkest feelings and as a result you can begin to think about the kinds of things that might bring about change. Medication can sometimes get rid of symptoms but often they come back, whereas really sharing how you feel and may have felt for a long time can bring about lasting change if you are ready to be honest and talk about experiences that may have been painful.

You say you have had depression for about 5 years - any idea what triggered it? Often reaching adolescent is a turning point in that it is a time when difficulties begin to become apparent when perhaps during the middle years of childhood they did not present a problem - perhaps you were too busy learning at that time to recognise there was anything wrong, or maybe things in your life changed 5 years ago - only you know what triggered your own depression.

If you feel able to share experiences that have been difficult for you and led up to the depression we may be able to offer the kind of support that will enable you to use counselling more effectively and believe more in how it may help you. If you do not know why you became depressed perhaps you can reflect on how you felt generally and how that changed 5 years ago by comparison with your childhood?

Suexx

[splot in reply to Hidden]

Friendly bunch indeed, just knowing that I'm on this site has made me feel a lot better - So thank-you to everyone on here!

Sadly, I blame myself because it was my actions that did cause our relationship to break up, however I've spent some time with him today and we are talking, seeing if anything can be done because neither of us want the relationship to end, so we shall see on that one!

I have decided I'm going to my campus GP first as I do not know whether the student wellbeing department which deals with mental health issues and counselling will be open over summer, so I feel that by going to the GP theres the possibility of being referred to somewhere that will be open over the summer months.

In terms of a trigger, i'm not too sure if I'm honest, I was only young at the time, and sometimes it feels as though when I go through bouts of bad depression there is no obvious cause - which I find difficult and I then don't know how to treat and handle it. Throughout my life I've had numerous issues both myself and within my friends and family, and I feel these all combined may have been a trigger for my depressive tendencies, but again, I'm not 100% sure.

Thank-you for replying, it's helped just talking about it with people who understand

[Hidden in reply to splot]

That all sounds really good!! I'm not sure what you mean by - I was only young at the time - do you mean when you first became depressed? Teenage years are so often a time when earlier difficulties come to light, maybe unresolved issues around loss or separation, or sometimes just a sense of something missing or not recognised in us. Maybe by exploring what your childhood was like on here you can begin to think about what led to your depression.

Suex

[splot in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I was referring to when I first recall the depression impacting my life properly. I've had a very privileged and lucky upbringing with my family, so I sort of feel like I have no reason for the feelings I get. Like because of what I have in life, I should be grateful not feeling as low as I do at times!

[Hidden in reply to splot]

I can identify absolutely with that feeling as I also had in many ways and certainly materially an excellent childhood so used to feel guilt about feeling so depressed when many other people had clearly had a much worse childhood than I had. In time and with therapy I came to realise that emotionally my childhood was damaging and the effects of that were pervasive.

[Hidden in reply to splot]

Hi splot

I understand where you're coming from about not feeling like you have good enough reasons for being depressed. Reading some of the things people have posted on here have left me feeling like a cheat or fraud. But you know what? Neither of us are. Depression doesn't respect class, status or bank balance. It doesn't care if we are rich or poor, prince or pauper all it cares about is keeping us down. All of us are justified in having depression, what isn't justified is doing nothing about it. So we must fight it & not give in.

Good luck with Uni.

James

[ThemysciraDrive]

Heya. Sorry, only just caught up with yr post! Welcome to the site

Try not to think in terms of whose fault it was with your boyfriend. Most things in life are six of one and half a dozen of the other anyway. It's hard - there's a thin line between acknowledging where you went wrong and blaming yourself, but try and stay on the good side.

Seems like you're missing a bit of self-confidence. Do you think that is as a result of depression or an underlying cause of it?

I think lots of us sometimes feel like we shouldn't have depression and feel guilty because we do.

Good luck today, let us know how it goes

Themys