Im never going to manage....

[emms]

I dont know how to get myself sorted, I am just feeling worse and worse, wanting to hurt myself more and more, hate the thought of eating food, but now have diarrhoea too, in addition to the flu. I cant sleep, cant eat, cant do anything. I go to work, but then am useless because I have not planned anything, and it drains me so much. I cannot see gp / nurse / psychiatrist / social worker or anyone else, I just cant do it anymore.

[Hidden]

Emms

You say that you can't go to see a GP etc. Whyever not? You obviously need some assistance to help you to get yourself sorted out. Please get help!

Lorraine

[emms in reply to Hidden]

i Honestly dont know why, I dont want to speak to anyone, I feel like i need to hide from the all. I know its stupid.

[Holly101]

Emms, please try and get some help.. Can the people at your work not see your really not well?

You've got to try and eat something, try soup or scrambled egg or something, that's the kind of things I can manage when I can't eat..

But please try and eat SOMETHING, and get some help, you can't go on like this!

Thinking of you, sending you a big hug and lotsa love..

Holly Xxx

[emms in reply to Holly101]

no i cant thats the thing, I cant go on feeling weaker and weaker with no sleep or nutrition. I even feel its wrong to eat, I feel guilty. Yes I will try soup / eggs thanks. xx

[Holly101 in reply to emms]

Good lass, u will feel better after you've et something.. is there no-one you can go and stay with until you feel a bit better? family? Or a friend? Xx

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hi Emms, I can't really do anything but echo what Lorraine and Holly have said. Really glad you're going to try and eat something, it will make you feel better. Please don't beat yourself up, it isn't at all stupid to feel like you can't go to people, or that you want to hide. We've all felt like that, it's what depression does to you. I felt exactly like that yesterday, I didn't want to leave my bedroom all day. You have to remember when you feel like that, it is just the depression talking, you do have the strength within you to do these things

I went to the GP last week about my situation. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's also the best thing I could have done. Please go to see yours, it really is the best thing to do, none of us here want to see you keep suffering as you are.

[emms in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

I am worried my GP wont do anything, usually if I go they leave this kind of thing for my psychiatrist to sort out. I keep thinking im going to get into trouble for everything. I cut to punish myself, and ive been having to do it a lot recently, I said I wouldnt cut my arms anymore because I work with kids, but I dont have th energy to take off clothes, and my arm is closer than leg. I have to do it at least 8 times a day at the moment. I have lost contact with my nurse and psychiatrist as when I left the hospital (discharged myself), I got the impression that they are all fed up with me. My nurse used to visit me weekly, but now I cannot speak to her at all, or anyone else. I am panicking becaus of work, and I have let so many people down already as I was in hospital the first time from Jan-Apr, and everyone else had to cover my work. When I went back they would hardly speak to me.

[emms in reply to emms]

Also, I made the emergency CPN fed up of me when I kept phoning her, she told me there was nothing more she could do, and said she was very busy and was going to hang up. So now I am terrified. I just have to keep cutting more and more. I also cant even go near my bed, I have dreams if I do fall asleep, and I just cant cope with them. Dead people visit me when I go into my room, but my psychiatrist used to say its just hallucinations. I like to see them but then I cant stop thiking about it

[Suzie40]

The nurse sounds like a right old bag and if she hasn't got time to listen, she should go and line up in the dole queue and let someone a bit nicer do her job. Have you started the new term yet? It could improve things for you. I find the first few weeks so busy that I have no time to dwell on feelings of depression. What classes will you be teaching x

[emms in reply to Suzie40]

yes I have started, but am needing to get a fit note from GP (as been signed off since start of June), but if I go he will never give me one. So I have to work on sick pay at the moment, im not managing to teach anything because I feel so weak most of the time, but they have reduced my timetable. I cannot plan anything, I stay awake at night knowing I need to get it done, and it doesnt get done. I really cant afford to be sacked

[Suzie40]

What a tricky situation to be in, I really feel for you. Is your headteacher being supportive? X