Been out to the pub with some old friends I hardly see any more. There used to be a gang of us for years then one moved away, another rarely goes out now, another has been drifting away for a while and rarely answers texts or calls. I said a mental goodbye to them tonight. I think I have finally accepted that they have all moved on and it's time I did too. I am very sad at this but I am not going to contact them any more. If they contact me - fine - if not I am just going to let things lie. We were all such good mates and had many a girlie night together til the early hours of the morning telling each other all our problems and secrets - things we never told others. I have finally recognised that it's time to let go and move on myself. None of us are youngsters (I am 59) and some of them are my age and some in their 40's. Their idea of a night out is just drinking down the pub. They are all attractive (unlike me) and they like this. Me? I just get insults from the men mainly - one tonight asked if I was someone's mother! I am only 14 years older than her. So I am taking myself out of that pub scene as well and concentrate on things I want to do instead. Which has to be positive. I just feel very sad and lonely at the moment.
Hello Bev, no need to be sorry! I think it is a natural part of life that groups do fizzle out...but it's always very sad when it happens. When you have a group that close you can't imagine not really talking to them, it feels unbreakable. But time does seem to bring all such things to an end...strange thing I've noticed before is that for something that seems so strong it often only takes one person to leave for whatever reason and suddenly it doesn't feel the same any more. I remember having a group of friends I used to go to the pub every week with. Then one person moved to London, and it was like flicking a switch, the spark just went. Within a few months we weren't meeting up because everyone had just started drifting away.
I'm sure the others in your group have probably felt just as sad as you do now. It's such a huge wrench when things like this change against our wishes...but I think it's a very brave thing to do to accept that change and move on, so give yourself some credit as well.
Many thanks for your reply. I understand and agree with what you are saying. The first one who left moved. She was the heart of the group and the disintegration started then. The trouble is everyone, apart from me, has got other things in their lives now. They moved on to something different and maybe better. I haven't! My situation is still the same as it was so maybe thats why I feel so bereft.
I am really glad you replied to me otherwise I would have felt totally ignored. No one else has come in which I find very disappointing.
Men in pubs are idiots. They say nasty, hurtful things when they've had too many beers, with no consideration whatsoever for how their comments might make people feel. Many of the comments that I've been unable to shake off over the years have come from drunk men in pubs. I don't believe for one minute that all your friends are attractive and you're not. Someone as nice as you couldn't be any less than beautiful. Have you considered that maybe the pub scene isn't actually what your friends want either, but until someone suggests a better alternative, it's just a venue. I wouldn't make any rash decisions about cutting ties with them. You've obviously stayed in touch for a reason. Just give yourself some time and see you feel about meeting them again in the future x
Thank you Lucy that is good advice. I am not cutting ties with any of them. I expect I will still bump into them occasionally. Actually I did just today. I went shopping and met one of them who said come in for a coffee. One of the others was there too. Several hours later and coffee and food later we left. So that will happen I guess. I am just accepting that they have other things in life to concentrate on and my friendship isn't now so important to them. If you know what I mean. I have made them less important to me and will not bother to contact them unless they contact me. Up til now its mainly me who has done the running so that is stopping. But I still feel very sad about it. But hey ho life goes on doesn't it?
I agree with the drunk men comment. My friends do get that to some extent too but not like I do. I am older and while I might be beautiful on the inside (thank you for that ) I am not on the outside. I know that and so what? It's their problem not mine.
I think you have made a few positive decisions here though and that is good.
Loneliness is not nice and I too feel lonely like you it's a horrible feeling. Sometimes you can be even lonelier with certain friends and family though, and the way they make you feel sometimes is not worth the company that they give. Sometimes you are better without certain people and things.
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) I am not on the outside. I know that and so what? It's their problem not mine.
Do I go out tonight
Well I suppose I am back
Am i a Fraudster
I can't accept that I am vulnerable
