Why do I have to keep repeating everything over and over...

[butterflykiss]

Everytime I go to see a doctor or who ever I am asked the same question's over and over again even tho they have the report's right in front of them. I have told them all how I feel and my up's and down's yet I am left more confused,angry and suicidal after such visit's. I feel like a piece of shit and now think that no matter who I see..That's lucky to even be seen...that they treat me like I am waisting their time and to go home and get a grip.It was after my last session that I came home took an OD and closed my eye's but even tho I really thought I had taken enough I woke the next afternoon and cryed all day.What do I have to do to get the right treatment...

[Gambit62]

Really sorry that you are finding the doctors so difficult

Do you see different doctors when you go? You can ask to see a particular doctor which might help with getting some constancy of care. You can also ask for a double appointment (if you aren't doing so already) which would give more time for them to digest what is going on. Not a great fan of certain aspects of the GP system and there are things that probably aren't helping you - like the number of patients they see and the fact that they are expected to turn people around on short timescales - usually 5 mintues. I don't think I could hold every case in my head under those conditions either.

You might also find it useful to have someone with you when you go, if that is possible.

[butterflykiss in reply to Gambit62]

I agree with you GP's are alway's in a rush.My own doctor retired and I had been with him for 20yrs. Now it's like starting all over again and I am not fit enough to do it again.

[Hidden]

Hi

GPs aren't always good at dealing with mental health issues and I'm wondering whether it might be worth your while self-referring to the local CMHT for assessment? The waiting time is usually around a month but CONs and other specialists are good at seeing the wood from the trees and knowing what kind of helkp might be useful and where it is available.

Do consider contacting them,

Suexx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sue how do you self refer please?

Bev x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bev

I googled mental health and the name of my local town, that came up with all the details of the local teams, I found which one covered my area, phoned them and asked to speak to the duty worker.

Hope that helps.

Suex

[butterflykiss in reply to Hidden]

Have been there answered their question's seen the Mental Health Team and now I am back at the start again...

[OneMomentInTime in reply to butterflykiss]

Hello, I would just like to say and I don't know if it bears any impact but your question, felt like I was looking in the mirror and affected me to where I wanted to signup and be a part of this community. So thank you for the strength in speaking the truth.

[Aurora-auspice]

I am so sorry to hear this and totally understand. But having to repeat your story is common just so that as you say it your emotional state can be assessed through non-verbal communication as well as the actual content of the history!!! It gets to the stage where you almost feel you have lost affect when relating the past and have just internalised it even further!

For me I then find myself forgetting important parts and trying to justify things so that I don't seem to crazy in case they wrap me up in a white coat and throw away the key!!!

In the end I wrote everything down which made it easier for me to get it into chronological order, I opened with a passage saying that I just couldn't communicate the depth of my confusion and distress verbally and could not link my physical feelings with my thoughts suffering a cognitive dissonance (an inner conflict) that was overwhelming me!

I tried to keep it short (very difficult for me)

I tried to stop myself editing the socially awkward words like death and suicide

I listed the things I'd tried for myself (self-help books I'd read, people I'd talked to, previous CBT, 2 psychiatrists etc etc) and why they did not seem to work for me.

I listed the things that were harmful to me that I couldn't stop myself doing (even simple things like forgetting to take my pills regularly for blood pressure, thyroid problems, even anti-depressants)

Listed risky behaviours, money problems, impulsive actions, the sleep problems

Then went to my doctor and said although you believe I am eloquent and intelligent with ability to discuss my problems in a clear systematic way ...... This is what is really happening!!! I feel as of I am watching myself opening and closing my mouth and can't hear, link or remember most of the things I am saying and although I have perfected the appearance of listening intently I do not hear more than one in ten of the words you say in response to me. Although it is unorthodox would you mind reading this instead and as it is long can we make another appointment at your earliest convenience to discuss where I should go from here! (Yes I know sounds weird and I really do speak like that). I had also been awake three days before the initial appointment and had spent much of that time memorising rehearsing and deciding how to ask her to read my paper whether what I'd put down was safe with her if I dare let her keep it I was so scared she would think me in need of the white coat. I told her beforehand I did not want ANYONE to see what I had written until she had discussed it with me and that it had to be at my discretion which finally gave me the courage to take the risk of revealing more than I felt comfortable with originally.

My doctor did that for me and I have never looked back however it is only now after years of fighting trying things failing and sticking with it that I finally feel as if I am returning to humanity!

Medical professionals are unfortunately only human and assumptions perceptions and personal experiences go a long way to colouring the way they treat people professionally and personally but if you can break through the communication barrier and find an equal base line of understanding it makes interaction with them much more bearable and less hurtful and scary. Ask the nurse which doctor in your practice is particularly sensitive or interested in mental health issues then at least you should start again with someone who can see you through we'll!!

Good luck and hugs Aurora

[Hidden in reply to Aurora-auspice]

Hi Aurora

It's interesting you wrote everything down, I did the same, then like you tried to keep it short. Now I have a page like a CV which clarifies where I am coming from and how I feel, etc plus what help I've had before. I don't always give it to whoever I see but have it to refer to when with them. I does help and I think you give great advice which is balanced and as you say medics are only human.

Suexx

[Aurora-auspice in reply to Hidden]

I am pleased it helps you as well!! It is amazing how many people don't think of it or think it might be inappropriate which I think is sad!!! I love seeing so many people recommend or use this method in this group!!!

I hope I stressed enough that being human does not excuse the treatment you have been receiving but sometimes it helps to remember for us so that we don't take it so personally and to heart to such an extent we turn in on ourselves as with everything else and just lose the will to fight!!! Does that make any sense?!

I agree it is s

[Aurora-auspice in reply to Aurora-auspice]

Important to be careful who you allow to see your report and I know it is not funny or meant to be, but I had to chuckle as I read your comment re-CV like proportions, mine is the same even though it is severely edited in some places down to bullet points that only serve to jog my memory rather than to be of use to anyone reading it!!!

I really hope you are feeling a little better more positive today! Maybe even got round to researching or choosing a line of help that you feel might help you so it's worth fighting even harder for even if you need to relinquish control for a bit and get an advocate to help which for some as with me is way too uncomfortable and yet it was the first step that began to work for me as one was hoisted on me by my doctor who sent in the initial recommendation that I needed one much to my disgust at the time.

It is amazing how often we think we can cope or do something on our own because we believe so strongly that we should be able to do it alone no matter how far we have deteriorated into these debilitating illnesses such as depression, anxiety etc.

Anyway take care and wishing you the very best, much love Aurora xxxx&hugs

[Aurora-auspice in reply to Aurora-auspice]

Finally .... I promise!!! Lol. I totally agree with hypercat!!! In my experience a female doctor has always been most understanding but also more tenacious! Less willing to write me off before getting to the bottom of the problem and going the extra mile as it were! My experience with male medical professionals if they are not extremely arrogant and rather dismissive once they have the results that don't quite fit their guidelines; if you finally find one who has similar qualities to those I've found in my present female doctor it is because you are suffering with something that is within their personal are so special interest and or experience and they are driven to get to the bottom of it regardless of you if that makes sense when your experience strays from their area of interest even if it is linked maybe coexisting even causative the. They just seem to dismiss you entirely the most common response is "it's all in your head". And you watch them write 'hypochondriac' and when you get out of the office you just cry. I am sure this is a wicked overgeneralisation but it has been my experience in the past not now because I am meeting ones that are extremely interested in my area of need!!! LOL. Now I am a guinea pig!!! LOL

[butterflykiss in reply to Aurora-auspice]

WOW, you can get your point across in a great way and yes I have done this also as I ramble on at time's threw nerves but still here in Belfast we have the highest rate of people taking their own life's and it is down to the way they are treated. We don't have the best Mental Health out of the UK and I myself was ready to walk in front of a bus after talking to a CPN. Only I was stopped I wouldn't be here. Having depression is one thing but to be sent to someone who would be better as a funeral director is another and got me thinking just HOW MANY people have died after receiving such dreadful treatment.I wish you ALL well and I will just see what's the road for me..

[Aurora-auspice in reply to butterflykiss]

Exactly!!! After a particularly insensitive visit from a psychiatric nurse who is well liked and has actually helped a lot of people in the area here my friend found a quiet stretch of beach early hours of the morning and just drowned herself!!! It was her fourth or fifth attempt at suicide and this time she wasn't stopped! Or found in time which is just overwhelmingly awful. She was such an amazing person but just could not get herself understood. I struggle with suicide so much and so often but I think this experience was my final reminder that I need to be really be proactive even though I couldn't do it without that initial 'interference' from my wonderful doctor and what I felt was bossiness of the lovely advocate. I really hope that you find the same even though it feels dire at the moment. I love Ireland am of Gaelic decent myself through Irish and Scottish parents but was born in England! There are these awful pockets of inadequate support which does make you wonder

Take care please try to keep fighting and researching see if you can find any underlying possibilities that they can't cover with their silly box-ticking and 30 minute (if you're lucky) assessment where they don't have chance to look up from the forms they are filling in as you answer the questions. much love Aurora xxxx))))))

[Aurora-auspice in reply to Aurora-auspice]

Just quick addition perhaps something to hold in mind. Have you any support groups with people in similar situations locally??? If you haven't it might be worth talking to your doctor and seeing if YOU can start one maybe even look into counselling? Perhaps the surgery can financially support a group or provide a counsellor for a regular group or maybe the psychological services of mental health team or local hospital.

With the suicide rate so high how will you make them stop and take a harder look at the services they provide and therefore how can it ever be changed?

Do you have any branches of Mind in Northern Ireland? Survivors? Advocacy Alliance or CAB, Are there any mental health Christies that maybe cover just one aspect of mental health but if approached may possibly have the infrastructure to set up suitable self-help support groups! I know with the changeover of system here in the North-east that is what they are looking into doing so that everybody being supported at the moment doesn't find the,selves alone and unsupported overnight!!! It isn't perfect but it is another stepping stone in the right direction!!!

Much love and thinking of you Aurora xxx

[Hidden in reply to Aurora-auspice]

Oh that is so sad about your friend, I do really feel for you - I feel for her too but it's too late for that. I hope you are able to share your feelings about here death, it must have left you feeling a lot of mixed feelings. Take care of yourself, Suexx

[Hidden]

You can ask for a longer appointment time with your doctor if you need it. I usually find female doctors tend to be the most understanding. I have a female one who is lovely.

Bev x

[butterflykiss]

I have and it's just the same answer's. I just wish we had better Mental Health Services..x

[Gambit62]

Really sorry that it is so difficult - and appreciate the problems particularly in Belfast - understand that there's a 30% higher incidence of mental health problems in NI but 30% less per capita funding, if I remember things correctly from a recent program (leave on the mainland but can watch the regional programs through the i-player). I really ought to write to my MP but he's a bit of a waste of space.

I really don't know what else to say because the only thing you can do is pick yourself up and start all over again - so frustrating and sooooo difficult when you are depressed ...

Hang on if you can because there are people around you who care about you - probably feels like an unwanted pressure if I said there are people who need you so won't

Big virtual hug

[butterflykiss]

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my post. I am very grateful for ALL the advise and I can tell you that I have taken step's to go and get a my doctor to send me back to the Mental Health team and I am praying that this is the end of the road and no more passing me around.It has been a very anxious and stressful time for me but maybe just maybe this will be what I need. Thank you to you all and I will keep intouch and l HOPE that you all keep well and believe in yourself. This has been like a life line to me and I will keep you up to date as o what happen's...THANK YOU ALL...xxxx

[Hidden]

Hi I hope things go well for you when yuo go back to the MH team and do tell them politely of course how you are feeling about them and what they offer as I'm sure they will want to help as most people do. Suexx

[Hidden]

That is why now I see the same person each visit. Like this one doctor I see all the time.

[missrat]

I hope you get your appointment soon. Don't forget that AWARE is based out there and they will know what is available when help is acutely needed. It's a pity their facilitated chat came to an end.

Writing things down can be really helpful and it may even be possible to email them to your doctor a few days before.

I need to put together my 'history' while awaiting my Mental Health Team appointment.

I also keep a list of helpline numbers etc.

There is a brilliant computer program called optimism.exe - designed for people with bipolar illness, but totally customisable, which really helps with recording and with producing charts, reports etc.