Call off the ex....

[Lush__x]

So i was rather hungover yesterday, and was just chilling out watching Frasier (as per!) and i check my phone and i had 2 missed calls of my ex of now 7 weeks. Then he text me saying it would be good if i could answer.

....I felt sick to my stomach, was shaking and just went really hot.

So i ring him back and he said he was just seeing how i was, all going fine really, just discussing our lives. I told him how much i now loved london and didnt want to come home. And then i mentioned the lad that was living with me for a bit while my landlady went away. then he asked if i fancied meeting up when i go back home, so i said yeah but dont no how i really feel about that to be honest.

But then questioning started!

Asked did i fancy him, had anything happened, so i said no because thats the truth, we are just mates and he said i sounded like i was being weird.

so then he says, has anything happened with anyone else? i just automatically said no. then i was like hang on a min, you shouldnt even be asking these questions any more! its none of your buisness!

so he was saying why not and its normal and stuff and he just had to know and that we couldnt meet up if i didnt tell him and there would be no way of us getting back together if i didnt tell him this. I said to be honest, if we was ever considering getting back together then theres a million issues bigger than that, that would need to be discussed 1st!

i said i feel like i was being backed into a corner and he was being manipulative.

i didnt agree with all the questioning i got when we was together and was always on eggshells and scared he was going to be in a mood about something from my past but now we are not even together i dont see why i should have to feel like that!!!

nothing has happened with anyone else really apart from i went back to this lads house that i knew after a night out and without going into detail, a little bit more than kissing happened but thats it!

so now i know when it comes to the point where i have to tell him, hes going to be fuming that i lied to him and then he will probs be like well i cant trust you now etc.

ARGH!! i kept waking up in the night thinking about it, arguing with him in my head!!!

I dont no how i feel about even considering getting back together, i still love him and miss him and think about him alot but im not in the pain i was. i can look at pics and be fine, not been upset for about a month now. and i dont think things will ever change with him.

Everyone says how happy and outgoing i am now since we have been split up. and i am more like my old self, what a risk it would be to go back to all that sh!t...excuse my language!

anyway just needed to vent, going to get on with some uni work!

much love xx

[Suzie40]

Hey you, haven't seen you for a while?

Interesting blog. I read it and my initial reaction was to tell you not to be so bloody stupid. You've climbed mountains since you guys split up and to go backwards would be a travesty.

BUT, only you know how you really feel about things. You were the one in the relationship and nothing anyone will say on here should influence that.

You do have a right to conduct your private life without fear of losing his approval, though. If you want to spend a night with someone, you are entitled to do that, with or without his permission.

Just give yourself plenty of time and space to make the right decision for you. X

[Lush__x in reply to Suzie40]

Hey hun, ive had another busy week, been going out alot more with friends, moving back home next week from london so just making the most of it while im here.

How are you doing?

in my head i think i got out of thinking that we might get back together. I thought of us as over because he told me i needed to be like that cos id never get over it if i thought there was a chance of us getting back together. But from what he was saying on the phone it kind of sounded like he wants to or thinks we will do in the future =S

It would be such a risk to get back with him, it weird because you forget 90% of the problems until your back in the situation again. god i dont no what to think.

but really i have no intention in getting back with him at this point in time.

i really like this what you said ...

"You do have a right to conduct your private life without fear of losing his approval, though. If you want to spend a night with someone, you are entitled to do that, with or without his permission."

it is my life i hate the fact im fearful of doing things that might annoy him and we are not even together!!!!!

however, i dont think he has the power over me like he used to...like he said "if you dont tell me then we cant get back together"....well so what if we dont?! i never thought we would anyway. so that made me able to say "well thats a shame then isnt it, if that your conditions but im not going to tell you"

i was still a bit scared saying that to him but i did it!!

xx

[Photogeek]

Good to hear from you, like Sue, i felt what the hell, Dont be stupid. He sounds too controlling and I had a relationship like that once, it was HELL, it takes ages to get over someone like that, the more distance you put between each other the better. No one should quiz you about your life, its a kind of emotional blackmail, and the fact that friends noticed you are more relaxed is great too. I never regret leaving my bad relationship years ago, we forget that this kind of behaviour is not normal. Suspicion, questions and manipulation. At the end of the day you will make up your own mind, just be careful and time does heal too.

Good luck

Hannah x

[Lush__x in reply to Photogeek]

Hi Hannah, nice to hear from you too hoping you are well?

Did you ex recognise he had issues? if i say to my ex his behaviour is controling and asking questions etc is not normal, he just cant see it and it is normal to be like this and he cant see anything wrong with it.

Id like to make it clear to him his behaviour is not normal (with out him going mad and thinking im attacking him) and that he needs to address these issues and see someone. Not even for my benefit, for maybe someone else in the future. Just really gets to me how he just thinks im the one who not normal because i wont tell him things or agree with him.

ive decided if i hear off him to meet up, then im going to say, we can only meet up on MY conditions that we dont talk about us or what happened since us and we meet up as friends would and talk about normal things. Then if he cant do that then tough!

x

[1969]

Hiya I was just reading your blog and it made me think of my sister and her ex, he was wayy to controlling and protective. She dumped him a little while later they got back together and nothing had changed. She's never looked back since and he was her first serious relationship. Seems you know what's right for you and I'm pleased its not with him! Haha good luck to you hunn and iv definitely think you've made the right choice

Megan x