Daughter brain tumour surgery-waiting for radiation-depression & aggressive behaviour increasing like with concussion or brain injury

[Santamusic]

Daughter aggressive & threatening after loosing vision in left eye after lateral craniotomy for meningioma tumour in orbital apex-got tumour out around orbital apex, but still in apex as could not operate there & due for radiation. Yesterday she said put me out of my agony & grabbed her hydromorphone & locked herself in bathroom. Called hospital to ask for counsellor-I did not want her hurt by police due to surgery-she grabbed phone & hung up. I called 911 as didn’t have hospital # due to hung up & she grabbed phone & hung up. I asked her to give me the pills she opened the door took 2 & handed the bottle to me.

Due to her hanging up the 911 call the police showed up at our door-I said that I needed a counsellor for my daughter & I requested the police not come in or touch her as she had surgery. They talked to her & gave us # of crisis nurse.

Called crisis nurse for me & daughter pickup phone interrupting me-so I said I would hang up & let her talk to counsellor. The police show up at door again as they said counsellor called them as daughter said she would take pills.

Police talked to her again through door & said if called again they would take action. She calmed down & I gave her her pain pills every 4 hours, but would not let her have bottle. At 11pm when I went to bed she came to door yelling at me through door-at 1:30 tried to call crisis nurse for help diffusing situation & daughter grabbed other phone & clicked linei on so I could not call out for counselling.

At 3:30 with her yelling outside my door I asked for her to hang up line so I could call-she wouldn’t-so I went outside to get neighbours phone to use. Then she shut off line so I could call crisis nurse-but proceeded to pick up line & interrupt. Getting nowhere I said I will hang up & let her talk to counsellor. At 4am I was asked for pain pills & gave her 2. She took my pills as she said I had hers.

This morning I asked for my pills & as she gave them called me a fucking old stupid bitch. I asked her to get counselling today or she could no longer live here. My husband left to live with his sister 2x to avoid altercations & I try to ignore daughters irritation, but it is becoming impossible.

It is complicated to just get her out for this behaviour as she is healing, needs to get to radiation in another city yet & has 2 pet cats. So if I get her removed she will not go for radiation she threatens as she is dead anyhow she says & will likely be suicidal.

Thanks for reading long post-anyone dealt with this- it is almost her depression anger aggression is worse 1000x since brain tumour surgery like concussion or brain injury effects. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated as stuck between rock & a hard place, but cannot continue to have her here unless she goes to see counsellor today-asked her to do this a month ago-got referral from family doctor-but she won’t do any online counselling or any connected to hospital as she has hospital phobia & I am sure she thinks they will admit her which I am trying to avoid as it will be counterproductive & she would be released in 72 hrs even if they held her.

Thank you, for reading-but very complicated & delicate situation & she is very easily & unpredictably triggered. At a loss.

[jasonoliv34]

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[Santamusic in reply to jasonoliv34]

Thank you for your reply Jason. My daughter has such anger & revenge & depression that we are having great trouble trying to help let alone function as a family. Her anger & depression issues have been GREATLY magnified since she realized 2 weeks after the surgery that she had lost vision in her left eye. We cannot get her to accept any offers of counselling from the social work at the hospitals or anywhere-we all need to go for counselling.Had to call the police 911 emergency when she locked herself in the bathroom with hydromorphone wanting to be put out of her agony. She came out to talk to police through screen door as I said that they could not come in or touch her as she had brain tumour surgery. They talked to her & gave us the # of a crisis nurse who says do I need to send emergency services if you are not safe if Meg gets angry & the other # is a nurse who comes with a police officer to ur house-which will trigger her-get her admitted to the mental health unit for 72 hours & then she will come back more vengeful than ever & says she will not get radiation if we call any counselling.

Don’t know how to help her through this as she really needs to talk to someone who knows how to effectively & knowingly counsel someone going through brain tumour surgery, the loss of vision in one eye at 25 & going through radiation with all the realization (infertility, cancer, more hair loss, sickness & tiredness-30 appointments over 6 weeks fractional radiation).

Not sure at all what to do anymore as anything any second can make her angry & it is very hard to know what to do.

[harleyncoops]

Is your daughter on any anti seizure medication? Some medications - such as Keppra - have warnings as to how it can cause anger issues and depression and the advisory leaflet says to seek urgent medical help if either of these occur when taking them.

[Santamusic in reply to harleyncoops]

Thank you harleyncoops for your reply. My daughter was on keppra for 2 weeks after surgery then done. After 2 weeks when the swelling in her eye went down she realized that she was only seeing with one eye. The resulting shock & anger & depression have made any anger/depression problems she had before like a walk in the park. One minute she is talking chatty & happy & the in the next millisecond screaming in your face as you just asked if the dryer needed turned back on (this morning) as I made her forget about it.She refuses any social work offers of help from the hospitals & our relationship is all but done-with my husband & I taking turns talking with her while the other hides out in the bedroom with the dogs just not to provoke her. That doesn’t always work as sometimes she comes in to scream at me.

All the anger that she has at the surgeon, eye doctors, nurses, her siblings & her Dad & I is magnified to the 1000th degree. It is like the brain surgery was a brain injury or concussion that ripped her brain apart (& loss of eyesight in 1 eye) and she cannot process it & she won’t go to any counselling & we cannot make her as she is 25 & threatens not to have radiation if we bring a counsellor anywhere near. Don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for listening.

[harleyncoops]

It's a very difficult situation to deal with. Following my craniotomy I lost the use of my left side, couldn't walk, couldn't dress myself, couldn't cook etc and it is a huge thing to get used to but I am slowly improving. I liken the process to a type of grieving - grieving for the life I used to have, the parts of my life I have lost and the new life I am slowly adjusting to having to live.

It's a huge shock to the system, first the diagnosis nobody ever wants to be told, then the fear of the unknown, then going through the surgery itself and then having to deal with all the changes that come about afterwards.

I can see both sides of the situation as not only do I have a BT myself but I lost my husband to one when our children were young and his behaviour could be very hard to live with at times, due to the tumour and knowing that his was a terminal diagnosis. He could say the most terrible things at times but I came to realise that he had to let all that hurt and fear out somehow - and it came out in his behaviour towards us but only because he knew we loved him and would never walk away from him so felt safe enough with us to, rightly or wrongly, direct that anger at us.

I felt the same way but managed to not say and do things that would hurt my loved ones because having been the person on the receiving end I knew just how much it hurt us, but could also understand how hard it is to have your life changed in a drastic way and through no fault of your own. His behaviour only changed after his diagnosis and I just had to keep reminding myself that what we were seeing at that point wasn't the real Steve who would never have behaved in that manner before, but it was the Steve that was having to try his best to adjust to a completely different way of life, who knew that things were going to be hard for him and so we were able to see past all his hurt and remember how he was prior to the BT.

It's hard when you are having to live with all that, and we shouldn't have to, but I am convinced that the reason they feel they are able to let it all out is because they feel safe enough with us to do that. It's not nice and it's not acceptable to treat us that way but I can understand why it happens.

Your daughter might not wish to see a counsellor but you and your family are able to access help to support yourselves to get through such a difficult situation. The Brains Trust Charity has some excellent information and help available and I would definitely recommend looking at their website.

Wishing you peace and courage during this very difficult time.