Hey, hope you guys are well

Idk, I've been depressed for a while but for a little over a year it's changed my world. In order to make my life better I cut out so many toxic, shitty friends and have distanced myself from toxic family. I've lost everything and have rebuilt quite a bit, but it still gets to me. Every day for a little over a year I have flashes and memories of my old partner that left me, the awful friends I had to kick out and the family that I realized isn't there for me like how I thought they were. All of that and the life and dream I won't get to live anymore, the one with my past partner that I lost. That's honestly been the catalyst for this, what made me realize how awful my friends were and how I need to rebuilds my life. Idk, things are a lot better and I'm happy for it, but I lost a lot, it feels like everything has changed and the path I was on kicked me off and now I wandering though the mist trying to find my way to happiness and a life that I love again. My depression has gotten a lot better, I'm no longer suicidal but I still kind of rag on myself for being it in the first place over a break up. I've gotten a lot better and in turn so has my life and my outlook on it, but now it's weird. I'm in this middle ground where I'm healing but I'm still depressed enough to not be fully ok. It's hard to explain to people that haven't lived it but that's where I'm at, I'm a lot better but things are still hard every day just not really hard like every second. I've been having some rough nights and bouts of insomnia recently, and that's why I'm up writing this right now. Idk, I just hope someone gets it, I'm getting better but just want to be understood/seen. It's hard and I have to navigate this storm but I've been for so long and uhhhgggg. I just want to be better you know, I will be, and hopefully this year, but yeah, its still hard every day and I guess I wanted to share that. Thanks for reading, I hope you guys have a good day, you're amazing :).

[Cookie2217]

Hey Topfin. I want you to know that I hear you, I see you and I know what the suffering feels like and depression. I have lost a lot of people that I've cut out of my life as well for the better and to be honest they were s***** friends as well and not for me they were actually against me and didn't care about me at all. I've also been cut out of friends lives for no reason at all and now I'm a strange for my two sisters so I get it I really do. I'm also in the process of trying to rebuild my own life it's just hard when you're depressed all the time and don't want to get out of bed but I want to turn a page and not let this thief in the night depression take one more thing for me. It took my heart, my passion, my happiness and my zest for life and time away from loved ones like my husband which isn't fair to them. I wish I could make up for that time but I can't it's lost now. All I can do is try to make up for lost time by not letting the depression beat me down anymore. I need to rise like a Phoenix above it all and on the days I just don't want to get up and stay in bed I get up because I'm worth it there's no reason for me to be spending all day and night in bed with nothing to look forward to there's absolutely not but that's what depression does it lies to you and just makes you withdraw from people from everyone and everything and just sit alone. It's an awful feeling it's a deep dark hole that I have to crawl out of finally. I had a really good job interview tonight today I should say and I really hope I do get this job this could be the start of something great for me and my husband. We're from New Jersey and just moved to Pennsylvania and we both hated here so it's rarely hard and being depressed doesn't help matters any but I don't need a location to be happy I just need to love myself enough to let myself be happy and do what's right for myself. I hope that didn't sound too confusing but I think you understand what I mean. This depressive episode has lasted five years and it's high time it's over and done with already what a waste of time of effort of energy of so much that it's taken from me. I do totally understand where you're coming from I hear you and I see you. If no one has ever told you this before you are enough and you are worthy of all good things. Sometimes I think those of us that suffer with this disease just feel too much all at one time and it gets very overwhelming at times. I do see a light though even if it's just a glimmer at the end of that tunnel so I need to grab a hold of it and hoist myself out of this pit that I've been in for five long years. I'm wishing you peace and well-being during your journey here and I hope that you get everything that you need and wanted out of your time in the Forum with the people that you meet. Be well.

[Love-uncovered]

Guess what Hidden? I totally get it because my depression and anxiety kicked in severely after my breakup with toxic ex. I really need to let you know that although it sucks and there is alot of hard work that needs to get done, but it's possible and it's realistic to know that you can get through this. Happiness is calling you and the past tries to hold you back. I had to really work hard to put the past behind me and still do every day but I noticed when I stay focused on the unknown future, LOL, the past doesn't have room to trick me anymore. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. It was also the day I found this platform and this is my first post, I already love it here because we can all relate. I honestly wish happiness, success and wellness for all of us and the best part is we have eachother to help get us there. Much and sincere gratitude to all and the best chances for us to heal and find the best version ourselves in the very near future.❤️

-Love-uncovered