Currently struggling

[VoidMaster]

Last week I had a severe breakdown and was overcome with suicidal thoughts. I had very little people to reach out to besides my co workers and nothing to grab onto because everything felt as if it was slipping away. The overwhelming thoughts of worthlessness and despair were terrifying and something I haven't experienced often. I'm freaked out and now full of shame and guilt. I'm paranoid because it happened at work and await any repercussions of my breakdown. I don't know what comes next and it keeps compounding the problem. I'm in therapy working through it, I hope there's the bright side or silver lining on its way.

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I am glad to hear that you are in therapy. Now you are here with us and can talk with people who understand. You are not alone.

[April2024 in reply to gajh]

I found the site therapyaid to be of great help. I heard smiling changes your mood too. It feels stupid but anything may help. Do you exercise at all?

[VoidMaster in reply to April2024]

I just started to go back to gym on Saturday after 3 years. Leading up to that even just going outside for a walk was a monumental task. Hopefully I can keep my momentum.

[cashew78]

hello, i don't have any great insite to offer, but based on your post I want to say 2 things. One, breath just keep breathing. It's the easiest and stupidest thing to say, but it's also the hardest thing to remember and do. I've been in situations at work I dare not tell anyone about aside from my therapist, and it's uncomfortable as all hell. Taking those slow, deep, and measured breaths will force your body to calm down and force your mind to focus on the breathing. Two, don't assume you're worthless, and don't feel guilty. People don't like to think about other people, so they put them in boxes and insinuate they're somehow wrong and should feel bad about it. Fuck those people; they want you to feel bad because of something you can't control; being human. These are the same sorts of people who don't understand the absolute depths of depression, anxiety, and despair until it happens to them. You're living through this. You're the e expert, not them; let them argue amongst themselves about the weather and you'll see they haven't got a clue.Keeping up with therapy is hard, but I encourage you to keep it up. It helps put things in perspective. Be kind to yourself too.. tho that's just as hard. Good luck.

[VoidMaster in reply to cashew78]

Thank you, I appreciate your thoughts. I'll keep breathing. It is one of those things that simple, but not super easy in a panic.

[Hidden]

Hello,

As a man who was in your shoes not long ago, I am happy to hear that you are trying to find a way out of the darkness.

I too tried to end it all and was lucky only because I was caught by a stranger. Most people do not understand how one can do such a thing, but the reality is, it is just a moment's thought. Something that just comes all of a sudden out of nowhere. The guilt and fear that come after are as real as the whole experience itself.

My recovery took more than a year, but I am happy to say I am better. I tried many things to overcome it, some worked, some did not, but I can briefly list the things that helped me. I sincerely hope they help you in some way:

1. I was brutally honest with myself once I hit rock bottom. I just admitted every bad thing in my life. Just accepted them all. Everything I had or had not done, everything that was done to me... I just accepted them, stopped fighting against them to make them go away or to deny them. Once I did this, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

2. After accepting everything, I just sat and asked myself what I could do. I realized that life is not fair, not easy, and definitely was not going to get any better than it was if I did not change things myself. So, I made a series of big decisions based on my own observations of myself and my life. The first thing I did was find a good sport to do. I realized I felt weak. My therapist had told me to always remind myself that I wasn't and that I was strong. But saying that to myself or in front of a mirror didn't really do the trick for me. I wanted to actually feel that strength. So, I decided to build my body. And I am happy to say, it worked great. At first, I started at home with simple goals like reaching 20 pushups, etc. As I reached these simple goals, I saw that it made me feel better. Then I started running and finally decided to go to a gym full-time. I was lucky enough to have money to go to a private kickboxing class. Not to be a professional or anything, but to just relax. Funny enough, it was better than therapy. After a while, I quit therapy and just focused on going to the gym three times a week.

3. I also started to read a lot. This might not work for everyone, as most do not like to read. But I found it useful, and this is from a man who had rarely read anything in the past. I started with Dale Carnegie's books, which helped me look at life from a different perspective. I started with his book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

4. And finally, since I could not sleep much, I tried to make time to go out and volunteer in different activities. This allowed me to meet new people, which opened new worlds to me. It helped a lot. In my mind, I thought to myself that if I fell this deep in life, then what I had, including the people around me, was not enough. So, I ventured out and started to expand my social life. Even after years, I still talk to many of the people I met back then. One of them even became a great close friend.

At the end of it all, what I realized is that life is tough. It's always out to get us. We can deny it, we can try to live a lie, follow different fantasies, delusions, but no matter what we do, eventually life will hit us with the hard truth. The only way to fight it is to stay strong, both physically and mentally. The moment we forget this, the moment we get caught in life and stop investing in ourselves, is the moment when life starts to walk all over us.

Our jobs, friends, family are all good, but at the end of the day, it is the value that we give ourselves that determines the level of relationships we will have with them and the quality of life we will have. So, do not forget to build yourself, do not forget to invest in yourself. Remember, no matter what, no one can truly help you. Even if they love you with all they have, if you do not invest in yourself, do not strive to be the best version of yourself, no one can do anything for you.

All of these are coming from a man who lost everything, job, house, fiancée, and car along with the will to live. But in the end, I decided to show the middle finger to life. I had to lose everything and hit rock bottom to finally understand what life really is. But at the end of the day, I am happy to have gone through all that. Now I am stronger, stronger than I could ever have imagined. I have built a new company, am

[Cookie2217]

Hi there. Welcome to the group and I'm so happy that you've reached out I wanted to tell you that you found your group you found your people there are so many here that have helped me with my struggles here and there when I've posted and I'm glad you'll feel the same too. I felt very welcomes when I came to this group and I'm glad you found it too. I'm so sorry to hear that you had such a tough time and you had a breakdown at work but let me tell you first off that everyone has felt at one time or another as if they couldn't take one more thing and I'm hoping that your co-workers were very supportive of you and I'm sure that they were and don't you worry one bit about what they think or what they say because I'm sure that they have felt similar feelings in their own lives too. Believe me you're not alone. I would hope that there would be no repercussions and if there were that would be your jobs fault for doing that to you because in a sense they are sick shaming you for your breakdown then and you would do better than to move forward from there if that's how they would treat you but you would be very surprised to know that in general people are more understanding then one might think and that there would be a lot more compassion then any repercussion so try not to worry about that so much. I'm glad you're working on it in therapy and I'm sure that it will all work out in the end. Stay strong and keep your chin up put one foot in front of the other and hold your head up high because you are worthy you are enough and you are very important and have a lot to offer just remember that and even at those times where we don't believe those things that I just said they're true anyway because we are perfectly made and God makes no mistakes. Please keep us posted on what's happening and I'm so happy that you are here with us in the group. Wishing you peace and well-being. Take care of yourself.