I’m lost

[Imhereiguess]

I’m really struggling right now. I don’t know why but I’m always like this. I was getting better so I finally got off my medication with the help of my doctor but now I can feel my depression coming back and I hate it. My boyfriend doesn’t understand it. I feel like he will leave me. I’m scared. I hate myself

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. Now that you are here you can talk to people who do understand. Have you talked to your doctor to see if maybe you need to go back on medication? I am sorry that you are really struggling right now.

[PeaceNeed]

Try not to hate ur self. Know its hard. My negative self talk has really made things worse.

[Not_Free]

I'm glad you're here. Part of it is probably the holidays ... they always seem to trigger an episode for me. I've toyed with getting off my meds (because I had been doing so well) but am glad I didn't, as I now see, even what I'm on doesn't do the job when a bad episode hits.

Hang in there - this will pass - it always does, even when it seems hopeless. Just ride it out. If you're boyfriend leaves you over this, he's not worth it. You deserve better.

[PeaceNeed]

Hating ur self is the illness beating u up with negative thoughts.....thats how it is for me.Maybe u really need meds, cant say for u to decide. Some of them have bad effects on body.

[Cookie2217]

I suffer with self loathing and hate myself too. I suffer from major depressive disorder, PTSD and adjustment disorder. The main mood of my depression is my childhood trauma as I was the target of an alcoholic mother and was psychologicallyly, emotionally and verbally abused by her. I was physically abused by my father and an ex-fiance and I was also sexually assaulted. I have been through every type of abuse there is which has done a number on my self-esteem. I am a three-time suicide attempt Survivor and the last attempt was 15 minutes away from death and it could have gone either way. My stomach was pumped and I was in ICU for a day and a half which I have no recollection of to this very day. I believe that only God himself save me and it was for a purpose and I have to believe it's helping other people that suffer as I do and I love to share my story and testimony with others in the hopes of either connecting with them or helping them in some way because helping others makes me happy. I don't know why I am so good at assisting other people but when it comes to me I'm such a failure at helping myself because I think I'm not worth it. I'm hoping that things get better between you and your boyfriend please keep me posted and hope that this post finds you in a better frame of mind and more at ease. Hope to hear from you soon.