I’ve gotten so low that I barely care what my family thinks or would think about certain things. I know I’m saved, but I’ve been disappointed with God for not taking my life so that’s that. Any thoughts?
What should a person live for other t... - Major Depressive ...
What should a person live for other than family?
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Aguila1794
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45 Replies
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It might be a good idea to call a crisis line. It sounds like you really need to talk to someone. I am glad that you are here reaching out for support as you shouldn't go through this alone. I wish I had a good answer to your question, but I don't think I do. I just wanted to let you know that you are heard and that I care. Please take care of yourself and get the support you need and deserve. You are not alone.
Ironically the crisis line I talked to referred me here. I have a therapist, but she’s too booked to see me once a week at least. Thanks for your concern. Peace be with you.
Well I am glad that you were referred here. It is a great place to get support. Just know that you can call back the crisis line if you need to actually talk to someone or if it is urgent. I am glad that you have a therapist. I wish they were more available to you. Have they given you any coping skills to help you get through the waiting time for your appointment? Have you found anything that helps you feel better or at least distracts your negative thoughts?
Music and video games help the most.
Excellent. I am glad that you have found something that works for you. Now you just have to remember to do. Turn on that music. Play those video games. Make yourself feel better. Come on this site. Talk to people. Know that you aren't alone. Just get through one day at a time, or one moment at a time.
Very well said, thanks again.
Is there anything that you feel like talking about that would help you? I am happy to listen.
Well, there is one last contributor. I’m gay and have been guilt stricken for years due to my spiritual beliefs. I’ve never been with a man just clarifying that. It’s the knowing I may never have a partner that gets me.
I am sorry to hear that you are suffering with that. I imagine that must be very difficult to deal with. I am sorry that your spiritual beliefs cause a conflict for you. I wish you were able to accept yourself and not feel guilt stricken. Do you feel like you will never have a partner because you won't let yourself? I hope your therapist is really good for helping you process all of this. Do you have anyone in your life who is supportive? Have you talked about this with anyone yet?
Well my therapist and one other person is supportive. If I were to talk to the other person what should I tell her? She already knows I’m gay since I told her recently.
I am glad to hear that you told your therapist and one other person and that they area supportive. If the other person already knows that your gay, can you talk to her about your feelings about it? It would be nice not to have to hold in all of those negative feelings. You have to find a way to accept yourself and having acceptance from other people should help with that. You said that you have gotten so low. Do you think that your anxiety and depression is just about this issue or do you think that you have anxiety and depression as well? Like that it is a separate thing. I just wonder if you can come to terms with being gay if that will help your whole outlook on life. Maybe, maybe not, I'm not sure. What do you think?
You’re not wrong, it is a major factor in this twisted equation. I’ll talk to her to see what she thinks. Honestly, I do want to be ok with it.
Is it helping you at all to talk about it with me?
Actually it is surprisingly because I don’t usually discuss it with guys. You are a guy right? It’s ok if not, I just couldn’t tell from the username.
No sorry, I am a woman. I am glad that you are talking about it if it is helping you. I encourage you to keep talking about it then. Or just talk about anything at all that helps you to feel less alone.
That’s fine, I prefer talking to women about such things. What path would you suggest in regard to being at peace with my orientation?
I don't know that I have any advice specific to your orientation. I know that most all of us have to work on loving ourselves and how terribly difficult that is. Having self compassion is huge. One way to do it is to think about how you would talk to a friend who had the same issue. We judge ourselves far more than we would judge a friend. If you can think about what you would say to a friend and then say that to yourself. How are you at accepting yourself in general not just regarding your orientation? Do you try to be kind to yourself? Maybe that would be a first step.
I’ll try that really.
It is easier said than done I know, but it is a step. Do you judge other people for being gay or are you accepting of them?
It’s odd you mentioned that because it’s one of the things I recently discussed with my therapist. I don’t mind gay guys of course, but for some unknown to me reason gay women really grind my nerves. I sincerely wish it were otherwise. She said that’s called prejudice. I’m working on it.
It just crossed my mind that maybe I should be optimistic about being gay instead of shame.
That is very interesting that gay women "really grind your nerves." It is about acceptance of others so you can have acceptance of yourself. Say more about being optimistic about being gay instead of shame. That sounds very interesting. Something to explore.
So I have to find some way to accept gay women in order to accept myself, right? Also I don’t know where you are, but it’s almost 11pm here in America. I want to keep talking, but I have school in the morning.
Hello. So how was your day today? Are you feeling any better than you were yesterday? I am not sure if you have to accept gay women before you can accept yourself, but you do have to accept yourself. Tell me more about your thoughts about being optimistic about being gay instead of shame. I am really curious what your thoughts are about that. Have you thought about what it would take for you to accept yourself?
It went well. I hope yours did too. In regard to the being optimistic bit, I joined a gay men’s group online. It’s nice to virtually “be around” other men who think in a similar way as me. I’m not sure what it will take for me to accept myself.
That is wonderful that you joined a gay men's group. Did you just do that today? I would think that would help you find a way to accept yourself. You can ask other men if they accept themselves. It would be great to hear from someone who has been there. To hear what worked for them.
I actually found this particular one in the last hour. One guy replied saying that he’s at peace with God, but he’s older than me. He has kids and grandkids. He said his family accepts him. I’m afraid of coming out to my whole family. My immediate knows.
You should ask him how he came to find peace with God. That may help you. I would encourage you not to tell your whole family until you are feeling stronger. Get yourself through the depression and anxiety first. Do you have the support of your immediate family that does know?
I agree with you about not coming out completely. My parents support me as their child, but not who I’m attracted to. My siblings don’t really care.
Well that is great that your parents support you as their child. And it is positive that your siblings don't really care. So why do you think you are struggling so hard with it yourself?
It goes back to religion.
What religion if you don't mind saying?
Christianity
So the guy that responded to you from the group, did you ask him if he practiced Christianity? Have you ever googled anything about Christianity and Homosexuality support? I can't imagine that all forms of Christianity have strong opinions. Maybe some are really strict, but maybe not others. Maybe you could find a way to find peace with it within Christianity. Geez I would even search on Amazon to see if someone has written a book about it.
I actually have a book lol, just could never get myself to read it all. Don’t know why. I’m not irritating you am I?
You aren't irritating me at all. That is fantastic that you have a book. What is the title? You should pick it up and skim through it. If you can't get yourself to read the whole thing, you might find some parts that would be helpful.
Hope for the same sex attracted by Ron Citlau
I’ll text you later. I have some school work at the moment.
Hi Aguila,
I'm a woman, but I'm so straight you could use me for a ruler! 😀 I don't understand why some faiths look down on gay folk, we are all human, whether straight , gay or skyblue.
I take the attitude that as long as a person is happy to talk to me, I'm happy to talk back. I don't differentiate on colour, creed or ethnicity, It's one of the good things about this place, we don't see each other. only chat by messages.
I want to say this to you. There is only one You, there has never in history been another, and in the future there will never be another quite like you. You are special, and if God made everyone in his image, why are there so many different people?
I'm not a churchgoer, for I can't get my head around all the contradictions of the Church teachings, so I loosely follow Jesus, and put my efforts into caring for his Earth. A vicar once told me that the Devil was God's Quality Controller, and I can get my head around that.😉
I'm old, 75, celibate through choice since I was widowed. I tell folk what I think, without dressing it up too much, and I try to be kind in doing so, so, I'm happy to chat.
Cheers, Midori
I’m glad you’re straight, wish I was. Thanks for being so understanding.
It doesn't matter what others think. Trying to live our life by others' rules, and come up to others' expectations is a recipe for disaster in my book. Live for You.
If your 'friends' at Church ignore you, do it back, It's nobody else's business but yours. Folk like that aren't real friends, and I doubt that God would castigate you.
My son is Bi, it's his business, not mine, mine is just to support his choices and love him as I did when he was a child. Doesn't matter how old he is; I birthed him, so part of how he is is down to me. I raised him to be non-judgemental, and I'm proud of him.
Don't wish yourself different, just enjoy being the unique person you are.
Cheers, Midori
You're not alone in feeling that way. How about calling 988 (Suicide Crisis Line)? Your family would be devasted - at least you have family, right? They are important and they love you. Think about how they would feel. Not judging - going through the same thing myself and that's what helps me.
Thank you very much for your reply and care. I’ve already contacted a crisis text line and they referred me here. Peace be with you.
Hi Aguila1794 - I don't know if this is helpful/practical but would getting a pet help at least a bit?
Hi Austin,
Welcome to the board. We are glad that you are here with us.
Please try to remember that God made you, and God doesn’t make mistakes. People make mistakes. God wants us to learn from our mistakes.
God made you Gay. He made you exactly who you are supposed to be. He didn’t make you wrong. God made you exactly the way that you should be. He made us all differently. Some of us he made tall, some of us were made with green eyes. Some of us were made straight and some of us were made gay.
This wasn’t a mistake made by God. It is a mistake of understanding made by humans. Once some humans misunderstood and misinterpreted the word of God to say that being gay was wrong. But God doesn’t make wrong. The people who interpreted the teachings were wrong. They just didn’t understand. And because they didn’t understand people like you are suffering.
Do you remember the old game of telephone where one person tells another something and they have to share it? Do you remember how the message got mixed up, the more people told it? People confused the word of God.
God made you exactly right. He made you to love another person. That is what God asks of us - to love the things that he made, and to love other people. Loving yourself for the beautiful thing that God made you to be is the most important thing that you can do. Don’t be misled by the way that some humans have misinterpreted the word of God. Rejoice in what God has made. He made YOU!
God wants you to be happy. God wants you to share love. God wants you to be loved.
I am so sorry that you have been misled by people who didn’t understand what God’s word meant. God loves you just as you are. He doesn’t want you to be something that he didn’t make you. This is your challenge as you grow in Christ - to recognize that you are just as you should be.
I don’t know if you are interested, but there are many many many people - biblical scholars - who have read the bible (and not just one piece here or there) and can see that God most wanted us to be in loving relationships. He wants us to be happy with the people that we love.
If you want to read more about this, you could start here: hrc.org/resources/what-does...
If the church or faith-based program that you have been attending tells you that God didn’t make you exactly right, then they are misleading you. They should not presume to know more than God. God did not say that gay is wrong - not even once. What God _did_ say is that we should not judge others, because we cannot presume to know all that God knows and all that God planned. You need to find smarter people, who understand that God made you right, and that God wants you to be loved and to give love. That is what you live for.
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