The depression is so real.

[Puppielove]

Hello,My story is a very long one so the condensed version is my family was/is very dysfunctional. I have been married three times. My first and second husbands were emotionally and physically abusive. I have been married to my current husband for 23 years. I thought my life was finally to a good place, until last February in one week , my daughter's new car broke down, had to call into my new job and tell them I couldn't make it in, and found out that my husband had dating apps on his phone. I called and made an appointment with a therapist. I began dealing with my mother's control and abusive relationship. I thought things were somewhat better, even though I was having extreme difficulty with learning my new job. In March I became physically sick because I had stopped taking my high blood pressure and diabetes medication. (I was secretly hoping I would die, I was even asking God to just take me.). I had to see my primary care do tor to get a note to go back to work. She did a third-party affidavit and was in the medical hospital for three days and a county run for seven days. It was the worst hospitalization in my life, they threatened to keep me for thirty days, they didn't continue my antibiotics for a bladder infection, they gave me two doses of my insulin and instead of telling me what they had done, they checked on me every hour under the pretense that they where watching me because they were afraid I was cutting myself. (That was news to me, esp since I don't like pain.) I was released and went back to work two days later. However I could barely stand up, I felt out of it and letters were zooming in and out of focus. Apparently I was having a reaction to Prozac. My doctor started me on Trintellix, it was working pretty good until I found out that it was going to cost $360 per month. Meanwhile I started Intensive Outpatient Therapy, I had to fight with the short term disability. Had the new psychiatrist yell at me. I went to enough classes and it was time to give my traumatic life story, I quickly spiraled to suicidal ideation, I even asked my husband if he would just hold me until I died from an insulin overdose, he said no. I asked for him to take me to the hospital to be evaluated and he said no, so I reacted by putting clothes on and proceeded to take all of my insulin and glipzide, halfway through doing that I was interrupted by my dog. I then asked myself what had I done, So I left my house without telling anyone and went to the hospital, I was hospitalized for four days. When I came home I found out that my husband was still sending chats out to women for hook ups. He said again he wouldn't do it. Several days later we had a massive storm, tres were everywhere, he went up the street to neighbor that is elderly, disabled and has a disabled daughter to clear off her driveway. Three hours later he hadn't come home. I found him at a different neighbors (young widow) house having a grand ole time chit chatting. He was two busy to talk to me. I went home and found his phone and found that he had bought apple pay cards for a girl he had met, he was even telling her that he loved her, I was so upset I decided I needed to be evaluated again. They changed my medication and I stayed for two weeks. I have been home for about two weeks, I'm still having difficulty with suicidal thoughts and depression. My memory is shot, and I go from being ok to on the warpath. I'm thinking about going to a residential facility. He is saying I don't need to go. I was wondering if anything had done a residential treatment center and did it help?

[SurvivingEveryday]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am 50/50 on the helpfulness of residential treatment places. I was in one (short term) last year for SI and I feel like it was just a place to keep me at until the ideology subsided. In some ways, it made things worse.

I have friends who have been to facilities long-term, and they did great there.

I am sorry this is happening to you. I am falling down the rabbit hole of bad thoughts right now, myself. SI is real, and any help is help. Is there an outpatient support group you could try?

[Midori]

This is a difficult situation, but it is Not Your Fault. You seem to be good at picking partners who are less than kind. (secret, So am I!).

I really don't know how to help with this for you, but I send you support and hope.

I have been where you are, but my methods may very well not work for you.

Wishing you well, Midori