I'm very afraid of what's going on in my life.

[Pavz]

I joined here three days ago, but I couldn't write anything that wasn't too big a canvas of text.

I have been struggling with depression since I was a teenager and when things finally started to get better, I lost my best friend, I lost my job, my dog's health is getting worse and worse and I can't help her, I went into debt to pay for basic necessities and now I don't know what to do. My friend and I have been on such a long road of recovery together, he promised we would have a really good vacation together soon, he found a good job, managed to get into college and found a partner and just days before his wedding he killed himself. It still doesn't feel right. I was weaker and recovered slower, I have nothing good in my life. If one of us was supposed to be not alive, it was me. I don't remember the first three months after he died. Of course I lost my job because of the way I was, it's my fault the job was lost. My fault for not finding a new one and taking out a debt before I found a new job. My dog is so sick. She whines all the time, she has a huge growth in her mouth that gets bigger every day. I don't have the money to help her and I thought about giving her to someone, leaving her with someone who can take care of her, but I'm selfish and I can't give my dog away, even when I can barely provide food for her. I'm scared she's going to die. I'm just exhausted. It's always like a circle. I get out of one problem and I get into a new one, even though it's never been this bad before. I can't even provide my own medicine for lung infection, how can I help my dog when I don't even know what's wrong? I already have to live with my parents, who are absolutely furious at me for living with them again and again without money. They don't know about my debt, and they have absolutely no interest in helping with my dog's health. They don't have to, I know, but I'm really scared for my dog. Being responsible for her life is what still gets me something day in and day out. I'm sorry. It's just a set of complaints.

[kenster1]

sorry to hear about all your issues it`s a lot to deal with maybe you should contact a debt advisor and come to a agreement with you paying minimal amounts each month. have you thought of bereavement counselling in regards to your friend. foodbanks might be of help in regards to helping with food for the dog or local pet charities it`s important to get them checked out it could be something simple at a low cost but it`s important to find out.

[kenster1]

I`m not sure god will be paying his bills or feeding his dog and making it in good health again.

[designguy]

Sorry to hear of your struggles and the loss of your friend, it's an awful thing to go through when we lose someone that way. You might reach out for a suicide support group in your area to help support you and allow you to grieve and heal.

For the condition of your dog, you might try reaching out to a local animal shelter or even animal rescue organization and explain your situation and financial problem, they may have some resources/options for you.

[Ellamaye in reply to designguy]

Positive reply

[Linguistor]

I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties, Pavz, and it's been hard for you. Maybe, you could talk to your parents and friends, telling them about your problems and asking for help. As to the dog, you might consider looking for a new owner, or consult animal rescue organization, as designguy suggested. Take care of yourself, and don't do self-harm any more. Hope everything will be improving soon.

[Hidden]

You are not alone. The advice given below is good. I know how hard it is to not want to give up you dog. A dog is a support system. ❤️ I know you definitely don't want your dog to suffer either. Maybe calling a no-kill shelter can give you ideas on where to go to get your dog help. It sounds like you have depression and your family doesn't believe in it. That would definitely cause someone to not be able to work. Depression is real and I wish more parents would get on board. You are not doing this on purpose. My mom is the same way. It is frustrating. Ironically if you did get their support, you might feel better. I am sorry about your friend too - I know sorry isn't enough. But, I definitely get what you're going through. (((Hug)))