I can’t do it

[ehmelee]

I have had depression since 9 or 10 or maybe even before that, ptsd, anxiety. My depression was originally called “dysthymia” which is chronic long-term depression but after not being able to hold a normal job or a normal schedule in my 29 years of life and constantly having breakdowns I am looking further into my issues and it seemed like this forum was better suited to the extreme level of misery I experience on a daily basis (didn’t want to scare anyone in the other forum for depression and anxiety). Especially since I have already scared off my most recent partner with my issues which is all my fault but I also didn’t want to have anything serious when I was actually fine and getting my shit together. But now I’m just at another ledge where I’m about to jump into a full blown depressive episode and I just don’t really care if I make it out anymore. I have no friends, best friend died, family gave up knows I’m a failure, and I just have no hope that I can ever be happy or successful in life. Have barely any money to my name, and no one would probably come looking if I went missing. Idk why I’m even writing this, suicide hotline sent me here, sorry.

[Marysblue]

I'm so sorry your post didn't pop up on the news feed like it should. I'm just now seeing this. There is a supportive Community here. Don't give up on this site. Your depression is bad have you sought help. I'm still looking for medicines ,new therapist all the time and finding new meds I haven't tried and finally a new counselor. Your family doesn't understand and mine didn't either. Ive had to take charge of my own life and do it alone myself. You can get better I did. But I made a lot of changes. I don't drink alcohol it's a depressant. I walk most everyday for depression. I pray and meditate every day. I make a gratitude list everyday. I hope you get some help soon there is help out there please don't give up hope.