Hi, i'm wondering how many people feel really lonely with this illness. i feel my social circle is getting smaller and smaller. My mum died last April from immune disorders and heart failure and since then i just feel so terribly lonely. I miss just calling her up or going for walks. This evening i drove to her old place and just sat in the car. I know i'm depressed because i keep crying all the time.
My friend since my teens has moved to Spain and starting a new life there...we hardly speak anymore. She is busy teaching English and has met many new friends. My other friends work and have family and i feel like i'll bring them down if i talk about how i feel. I have a few auto immune diseases and hardly go out anymore. When i do mix with people i feel like the odd one out. I can't keep up with social activities and feel i'm left behind because of these illnesses. Sometimes i even get paranoid and feel they would rather i wasn't around. I have tried a few antidepressant drugs but felt more spaced out with them. I'm stuck in a rut.
I used to be really artistic but even that eludes me now. Its like i don't have any dreams or ambitions anymore. i know this is depressing, but no one understands. I go to choir once a week when i feel up to it...but feel i don't fit in there either. I'm ultra sensitive and worry what people think of me. Am i going crazy? i don't know. Anyone have similar issues? x