Currently I feel as if I am going slightly crazy. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with SLE with renal involvement, APS, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia and multiple pulmonary embolisms. I am also photosensitive and have difficulty both in the sun and under fluorescent lights.
However I now find I am doubting both myself and all the professionals that I even have all this. Yes I'm tired, depressed (very), have pains in my joints, pins and needles in my feet and hands, cracking headaches and can't walk far anymore. So why am I doubting that I'm I'll? I keep getting told how well I look and get questioned as to how I'll I really am. Some days I just don't see the point in being here any more and even get disappointed when I wake in the morning. I know that sounds terrible as I have so much to live for but just cant help feeling this way. I actually want to be as I'll as I was when I was diagnosed - there were those who didn't think I'd pull through and I had to let the doctors make all the decisions for me. but why do I want to be like this when deep down I really don't want to be like the again?
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Please let me know if anyone understands? Thank you.