It’s the weekend!

[Willow7733]

Hope everyone is having a good day. 😊

[Krazykat26]

Good morning Willow 🤗It's Sunday morning here in the UK.That's a lovely pic and the words are so true. I know when I post on here it's so good to get the feedback from other lovely folk who say 'me too' or 'i understand'..makes one feel less alone n sharing is so important especially as we all in the same boat with our autoimmune stuff. Thank you for sharing 🤗

How are you? Any progress with coping with your mum? I do hope that you're finding ways to get some time for yourself now.

Best wishes 💜🌈😽😽xx

[Willow7733 in reply to Krazykat26]

HoKrazykat26! I feel the same way - it helps to know that people know what you are going through. I don’t know anyone who has this disease, and I find they do not really understand what I am feeling (because looking at me you would never know). These boards are amazing!

Well, things are the same with my mum. I know I can’t change her. She really likes to point out that other people have such good daughters (because they “have dropped everything to take care of their mother”). It really causes a lot of stress for me. My hair is falling out a lot more this past month - and I think it is stress. Friday was so hard at work. I had nothing left to give, but I made it through the shift! Yay! Got home and noticed there were five missed calls from my mum on my cell. I panicked- was she ok??!! She was. Her friend was over an she wanted to ask me something for her. She does that often. She knows I am at work and can’t be on my cell. But, here we are, finally, on the weekend - and at Sunday already, and just thinking of going in tomorrow morning is getting me down. I am tired. Oh yeah, I have to call mum today. I didn’t yesterday. I will be hearing complaints on that. 🤷‍♀️ Oh well.

[Krazykat26 in reply to Willow7733]

That's true that you can't change your mum but you CAN change the way you react to her behaviour. I did that with mine.When I was a girl I had two younger siblings a sister and then my younger brother was born. He was born with severe brain damage n was severely disabled. Soon after that my dad left us n she found it hard to cope so I helped with my brother's needs up until the age of six when she decided to have him placed in full time care. I did everything for my brother and missed out on a lot of activities with my friends.

Later on in life when I was grown up..on my own with two young daughters my mother pleaded with me to move nearer to her as she could help me to 'look after my children'. She did look after them while I was working as a nurse (long shifts)..but then one evening she phoned me and said I can't look after the girls tomorrow..I've got a job!! The woman hadn't worked for years..and of course I then had to phone work n dash around seeing if anyone could have my children while I was at work. Needless to say we fell out. At that time I said to myself "right that's it..you get no more help from me lady"!!

As it's transpired as my daughter's have grown up they have both individually told me that nan used to frighten them when she was so called looking after them and they we're both very happy not to be staying there anymore whilst I was working.

My mum's passed now n tbh when she did I breathed a sigh of relief..it's hard to say that but it's true.

You gotta check in with yourself like we have to do with Lupus. Ask yourself Do I have the spoons to deal with this right now? If you don't then please don't engage coz you'll only feel worse.

Enjoy your Sunday..try not to think about tomorrow..just concentrate on the present moment..treat yourself to something that you enjoy and rest 💜🌈😽😽xx

[Willow7733 in reply to Krazykat26]

My dad died just two years ago. It is hard because he was the center of not only my family (it was him, my mum and I), but his whole side of the family. If you had a problem, my dad was the one to help and fix it. Even nephews and nieces (in their 60’s) would call my dad for his advice daily. He was so good at that. And now he is gone and I really didn’t realize how much he did for mum. It is crazy! She is even getting the neighbours to come and do her stuff for her (something she can do for herself). I feel so guilty that she is recruiting neighbours! They have lives of their own to live.

When dad died, my mum was totally lost. I get that. She and he married when she was 19, and he did everything for her since then. She always worked, but her salary was hers - he paid the bills with his salary, he did the grocery shopping. She did the shopping for herself.

Now I am in a different city, finally working a career I worked very hard to achieve. I went back to school in my late 20’s/early 30’s for nursing and I am glad I took that step. I knew it would take me anywhere I wanted to work, and I moved away as soon as I could.

I love my home. It is a new build (only 5 years old). I love my freedom. I love my lazy Saturday mornings getting my favourite coffee and going grocery shopping. No looking at the clock. No answering to anyone. No one demanding anything, criticism free. It is lovely. Most of the time. My mum is getting into the habit of calling me on my cell (knowing I will pick up because I would think something is wrong). She knows my routine Saturdays and knows I want the time to myself. But I can’t even have that. Then I pick it up and I am once again tricked into a conversation that I just had 16 hours ago : what am I doing? What am I eating today? Why am I doing this now? I want and need a break!

I know it must sound selfish to say this. And I know perhaps it means I am not a good daughter, but I work hard long hours during the week, and…I just want to get out (even if it is the grocery store) and be left alone for a minute! So frustrating. Then, I get really exhausted and just want to sleep. I think it is stress. I don’t know.

And now we are at another Sunday where I have no choice but to get everything I need to get done yesterday and today before I start my work week tomorrow. 🤷‍♀️ Is it wrong that at age 48, I really don’t want to tell my mum (every single day) what I am doing or eating??? I am not 8! (Sorry. Just frustrated).

[Krazykat26 in reply to Willow7733]

No worries 🤗Get it off your chest!! You need to vent then vent!! You can turn the phone off you know..your not powerless although it might feel like it right now.

You've done so well doing your nurse training and moving away to a lovely home and you value your free time. You're right you're not 8 but an independent woman living with autoimmune conditions and still managing to work. Congratulate yourself daily..give yourself some positive feedback.

Have a Google about narcissist personality traits..you might find something useful..I think you might relate to it somehow 🤔💜🌈😽😽xx

[Willow7733 in reply to Krazykat26]

Do you think she may be starting dementia? She is 78. When she and dad used to go down to Florida for the wi tees, I hardly heard from them! She never cared what I was eating, or what I was doing every second of the day. 🤷‍♀️

[Krazykat26 in reply to Willow7733]

Doesn't sound like dementia to me but then again I'm no doctor.Just think about what we're doing here right now..even though you're not on the phone to her you're talking to me worrying ABOUT her. She's taking up a lot of your headspace even when she's not hasseling you 💜🌈😽😽xx

[Willow7733 in reply to Krazykat26]

So true.

[Krazykat26 in reply to Willow7733]

Enjoy the rest of your weekend lovely..enjoy that coffee..put your feet up and relax 🤗💜🌈😽😽xx

[Krazykat26 in reply to Willow7733]

What do you do to relax? Do u do deep breathing or meditation at all? There's a very powerful exercise I can share with you if you like? 💜🌈😽😽Xx

[Willow7733 in reply to Krazykat26]

I am taking a class this week! It is a meditation/yoga class! I am excited. I thought I would give it a try!

[Krazykat26 in reply to Willow7733]

Good for you 🙌I'm sure it will help!! Do let me know how u get on 💜🌈😽😽xx

[Willow7733 in reply to Krazykat26]

I will! It is exciting! I love trying new things.

[Spanielmadlady in reply to Willow7733]

I used to work with end stage dementia and it doesn't sound like dementia to me either....It sounds to me like control and a lack of respect I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't treat your dad that way from the off but he accepted it and got used to it..As KK says turn off the phone or leave it at home while you shop.My daughter is a nurse, has 2 small children and lives 3 1/2 hours away.i don't think any less of her because she can't help with my mum or because she doesn't visit all the time.if she's on nights we can go a week without speaking but that's just a busy life a woman of her age has.

Put yourself first xxxxx

[MEGS53 in reply to Krazykat26]

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

And a few extra hugs for Willow

🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️

[Krazykat26 in reply to MEGS53]

🤗🤗🤗backatcha lady 💜🌈😽😽xx

[Willow7733 in reply to MEGS53]

Aww thanks 😊

[JCZW]

Hi Willow7733 I think those words are so true. It has really helped me knowing I have somewhere to go where people understand what I am going through. This forum and the very kind people on it have helped me so much. Lots of hugs x