He will send me Lupy!

[Gingernotwhinger]

I had to take just 2 minutes out of my day to share something extremely important with you all…

So today started as normal, only to go down hill with such speed due to what happened next in the turmoil I will call Marky Marks' Mayhem. Mark is my husband and best friend of a million years, however he does at times make me want to punch him out and set fire to his gonads - today is one of these days…

I was starting to come round, quietly reading my kindle in bed waiting for my pain medication to kick in, to “unfreeze’ and for my eyes to focus when I was hit by Nobby McGuiny screeching. It was dramatic and I have come to realise that the more dramatic he is the less I take notice, so I continued with sipping my tea.

It is at this point that 'crazy, pisses me off when Im hazy' bounds up the stairs 2 x2 to show me the horror! Yup he stood with a paper cut! I shit you not -a 4 maybe 5 millimetre nick on his pinky, it gets worse as he actually uttered these words ‘THERES NOUT WORSE THAN A PAPER CUT’…

Well, as a rule I wake most morning like the majority of you on here, filled with pain, an average day feels like I have had my whole body dragged up and down a wash board, dipped in acid, and dropped from a 4 story building into a mangle, stairs are the devils invention and getting a sentence out more that 7 words long without losing breath, momentum or simply forgetting a word is a bleeding achievement, but hey ho co*ck knockers is about to lose an extremity here!

Now this is on a week where I have had to come off all NSAIDs (for an ultra sound),I as usual have zero energy, my assessment grades for my classes are due and a verifier wants all my 6th form classwork. I have also had a camera shoved up my nose and deeper in my throat than anything has ever been (apart from when I told Mr GNW he could do what he wished with me as long as I got the car I desperately needed at that moment.) to be shown it on 20 inch screen - though after a gynaecology visit where similar images flashed before my covered eyes I’m pretty sure the hospital uses the same footage for all internal imagery, like old reruns of friends, and no when I say no I do not want to see do I need you to show me what looks like an uncooked steak and kidney pie thank you. I actually mean NO!

So, I’m stuck between dragging his scrotum over his head and making a swimming cap for him as I dunk his head down the toilet and simply saying ‘oh!’.

I opted for the later and so in this, Id like to ask you all, whoever your God or prophet maybe, could you spare a second to say a little prayer for my poor deranged husband and his poor pinky, as I am sure you are all aware this lupus is naff all in comparison to a man who has been mamed by a piece of A4!

[suzannah16]

😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 oh dear

[Ingrid1234]

What a drama KING?☝️😩🤪

[CarolMcl]

Hahahaha 😂🤣🤣😂

[Gingernotwhinger]

Just to give an update/news flash- we have found what comes second to a paper cut...

A sodding splinter apparently!

[Brainfogged in reply to Gingernotwhinger]

😂😂😂 or a very small scratch by a rose thorn while under gardening duress 🙄

[stiff19]

🤣🤣🤣 yay what a cheer 👍👌

[Gingernotwhinger in reply to stiff19]

I have just read to him my ramble and was met with a dead stare and him saying, “this is no laughing matter, you know the seriousness of a paper cut” . shameless! X

[Spanielmadlady in reply to Gingernotwhinger]

I've been single since losing my OH in 09 ...I came up with the motto ...." dont get a man...get a dog" . I'm so glad I've stuck to it !

[stiff19 in reply to Spanielmadlady]

Great motto 🤣🤣x

[Spanielmadlady in reply to stiff19]

I recommend it Stiff 😁 xxxx

[stiff19 in reply to Spanielmadlady]

I understand why 🙂xx

[stiff19 in reply to Gingernotwhinger]

I read what you wrote to my guilty as husband of the same things and was met with a nervous laugh 😂🤣 x

[Gingernotwhinger]

I’ve yet to train any of my animals over the year to bring me my morning cuppa though, and I can tell you my pig Rodney Trotter was super clever too! X

[Spanielmadlady in reply to Gingernotwhinger]

No my 2 dont bring a cuppa or wash the pots but then neither did Brian. They do however cuddle up and listen when I'm not well (without rolling their eyes or sighing) ,dont mind me having a sleep day and dont suffer papercut or splinteritis .🤷‍♀️

[Ingrid1234]

Tell him to toughen up and develop finger calluses by playing a stringed instrument eg 🎸 Does he do woodwork, mind those splinters! What a sissy pants in the extreme 🤣.

[hildebeast]

Brilliant. Thank you for that xx

[maggielee]

Ta for your vivid visual description...you say you cannot always get the words, 'boy/girl' did you this time.... I really Needed your view on the world this morning...😂😂😆..... ml

[Gingernotwhinger in reply to maggielee]

I’m a lady! 👩🏼‍🦰 not an English bulldog named Albert x

[maggielee in reply to Gingernotwhinger]

Hi Ginger,That comment should have included she/he/they, as my daughter is teaching me to be political correct (oh me oh my) & current, since she has been back home due to lockdown etc. she finishing her degree here.....

Its really hard learning on my foggy brain & having daily corrections- as what is the current 'correct' grammar she is teaching me, it's doing my head in 🤔😯 with her - or is that doing my head in with them...naaah..... See what I mean.... Will say a pray for both us & send you a hug.....ml

[puffyface]

You have literally made me laugh out loud while I’m doing that same morning ritual of lying in bed to get over the pain and rigor mortis that hits over night. Thank you for that! Please say thank you to him too 😊😊😊

[Gingernotwhinger in reply to puffyface]

I will not be thanking him, that’s the same as me putting on a fundraiser for his ring finger! X

[Brainfogged]

😂😂😂 sounds very similar to mine 🤣

[CecilyParsley]

You, as always are a tonic. You really should write a book. You have the acerbic wit of Tom Sharpe. I remember getting an asthma attack from laughing so hard at The Changeling where a certain retired army major was so irritated by his appendage he scratched it with a cheese grater..makes a paper cut seem mild eh? My hubby is a morning person, he bounds about making lots of noise, being annoyingly cheerful and deliberately irritating. Normally he stops when he gets the death stare but occasionally he takes it too far, like playing loud music on Spotify straight into my ear, screaming get up into my ear or even dripping water on my face. Seriously?? Now I cannot throw a ball in or over a net, my coordination is 💩 but I seem to be able to lob whatever is closest to me and manage to catch him. Then I am being childish? Thank God these men have redeeming qualities .

I hope your day improves lovely and that you dig that splinter out for him..revenge is sweet 😇 xxx

[Gingernotwhinger in reply to CecilyParsley]

Do not, this man had a vasectomy and I could hear him screeching as he removed the flesh coloured nut sack sack, he said “ it’s wrong kel, they’ve made a mistake they’ve cut me twice” I had to explain he had 2 testicles, somehow I was to blame- I swear if he damaged his tallywacker I’d move out! X

[CecilyParsley in reply to Gingernotwhinger]

Oh noooo that is hilarious 😈😈 xxx

[LalSD]

My prayers are with you Gingernotwhinger😂... Hang in there💕

[MEGS53]

Men!!!

🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️😱😱😱😍😍😍

[Krawlins]

Love this, what a great piece to make us smile 😃 do hope he will be ok 😝🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻