I normally like to keep this stuff to myself but no-one knows me on here so who cares. I’m so done with everything.
I am unfortunate enough to be in 18 - a normally exciting year - but currently absolute bullsht.
These ‘final assessments’ my 6th form has set has given me massive anxiety. Ever since my exams were cancelled (in Jan?) I have had to approach every day and every piece of work like it is my exam. Normally you have a few weeks of heightened stress and pressure whilst doing exams but to be at this state for over 3 months is exhausting. And I now have to do ‘not’ exams - in the exam hall in full exam conditions FYI - which are likely to be very decisive in my final grade.
I find myself getting overly anxious at everything, wayyy more than ever before. I also feel depressed thinking about what I’ve missed and everything that’s happened this past year.
I’m nervous for the future. I’m going to a university in a city I’ve never seen; basing my decision off very little. Also ended up with accommodation with a private kitchen (was surprisingly cheap) now wondering if I will be too isolated and why it was such a cheap option. Anxious about how to deal with SLE away from home in a new place, the financial costs of it, how I’ll deal with workload etc. And anxious about the future in general, friends, jobs, finance etc.
Anywayyss so despite the best, yet pathetic, efforts of my school my mental health is failing. I dont like change. I can’t do this anymore. I want to fcking give up.
Sorry, I am aware I sound really like a self-obsessed complaining teenager and understand there are many worser off than myself but, thanks for listening to my rant.
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redredblue
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Dear RedRed. Never feel like you can’t share on here. We’ve run the gamut from head to toe and back. Thank you for sharing and oh how I feel for you.
As you know, stress can really set lupus off and it sounds like there is little chance of minimizing it right now. Something that I always found helpful was having a counselor to bounce ideas off of. If you don’t have one, I’d try one out. Not a psychiatrist but like a couch wielding counselor that you can complain to about how much our lives are limited. They help me figure out what things I can do to minimize stress and maximize efficiency.
I understand about being nervous for the future but keep on going and don’t worry about the future so much as taking care of yourself in the present. If you try going to school and it doesn’t work out, IT IS OKAY. Sometimes we have to fall to figure what is best for us.
I am a physician and have had lupus for a very long time (likely undiagnosed). I went through med school with it and there are things you can do mitigate the struggles. Make sure you are up front with your professors because sometimes it takes us a little longer to get things. You should also get accommodations for testing. They usually give more time although I’ve never used accommodations in this way. I think it depends on course of study. Physicians can’t work with them because we need to be on top of our game 24/7.
Feel free to PM me with concerns or questions. Sending big hugs your way! ❤️xx
I can not imagine how hard this pandemic has been for your generation and to have a chronic illness on top of it. Try and just remember any decisions you make today can be undone if need be tomorrow. Change can be so scary but often turns out to be wonderful. And if it is not wonderful you can reverse course too.
Is counseling a possibility. I have suffered my whole life with an anxiety disorder and waited over forty years to finally get help. Therapy has changed my life for the better and I wish I went so much earlier.
Thank you for sharing you very valid feelings with us and please know you are not alone.
There are people out there that love you and can give professional help. Don’t be frightened to approach them. Life can be very challenging at times. Keep going ❤️
I'm really sorry to hear how much you are struggling with school. Some of the things you say you are anxious about with regard to going to university and the future are things that most teenagers worry about. You say you haven't shared your feelings with anyone else; maybe if you could talk to some close, trusted friends you'll find they also have these worries and whilst it won't take your worries away you may find comfort from knowing that you are not alone. They too may be grateful to share their worries with you.
As a mother I would be very sad if my son or daughter didn't confide in me with their worries at such an important time in their lives. I know it's not always easy but as with your friends maybe sharing with a parent may give you some release from the all consuming anxiety.
I know you have some very specific concerns with regard to having SLE and feel overwhelmed but if you could share with other people close to you then you may find you cope better with the SLE. Contacting the university and discussing your situation with them in advance may put your mind at ease.
Dear redredblue, I am not surprised you are feeling like this. My son is around your age and when I look at what he and his friends and school mates have gone through in the last year, how much they have missed out on and how hard it has been to keep up with school, I am just in awe of how they keep going. You have had to deal with so much, are trying to figure out your future and with the never-ending stress of your health on top of everything. When you all look back on this time in a few years, you will hardly believe what you managed to achieve!
If you can, it might help just to focus on getting through the next few months work and your non-exams and try to put some of the longer term worries to one side for now. You can take on all those questions once you're through this bit. Easier said than done, I know. And as other replies have said, nothing is set in stone, things will change along the way but you will definitely get to where you want to be, even if it's not quite in the way you pictured it.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about all this? Hopefully you do as that will really help. And of course everyone on here will be so happy to listen too. Look after yourself, you will get through this I promise! x
I know what you mean, it's easier to make a joke of it, especially if you are the kind of person who just usually gets on with things. But you have spoken to your doctor and that is great. Is there anyone among your family or friends that you could just say something really simple like 'I'm not doing so great' to? I am sure they would be so glad if you did. I know I would hate to think of any of my family or friends struggling and not being able to tell me - you probably feel the same way too! It is a hard thing to do though for sure. Could you go back to the GP maybe? Sending you lots of hugs x
I know, me neither and I am way older than you! Those first few words are always the most difficult to say. But once you have done it, things usually look up from there I find. It's something to think about anyway. And you can always look into Kooth and come here too. We will be here whenever you need us x
Hey 👋🏻 well done for reaching out it’s the first step to moving into solution rather than the problem. Have you heard of a service called Kooth? If not, it’s an online counselling service and it’s free of charge. If you decide to try and there is a virtual queue then email them instead and ask to book in some counselling sessions.Alternatively you could ask your GP to refer you for CBT.
Please don’t suffer alone keep trying to find something that will improve your anxieties and low mood.
Your first line says it all ... please DON'T keep this stuff to yourself ... this has been a horrible year, at at the stage you are at, sitting exams or "not sitting" exams, preparing for Uni, and all the other bits that go with being 18 ... this would be challenging and stressful in normal times. You have all of the added all the restrictions the pandemic has brought and a long term condition . I agree with all the suggestions above, and nothing is irreversible. Talk to people about how you are feeling, parents, friends or teachers ... and here ... find someone you trust. You are NOT ALONE. Try finding a counsellor too ... it can really help to just "let it all out" and find strategies that are right for you right now. (I'm speaking as a counsellor, who has had lots of counselling in my life, and live with Lupus. At those points when I felt I couldn't go on ...it was invaluable.) You have all my healing hugs, ♥ support and thoughts right now, Kildonan xxxxx
I am so pleased that you have posted here. The stress you must be under is immense. Exams or “ non exams” are extremely stressful and in a pandemic with a chronic illness it s no wonder that you feel overwhelmed. Is your school offering additional support? They have a duty of care for you. Can you speak to a trusted teacher and tell them that you are struggling? I really am so sorry that you are under so much pressure. The only advice I have is to break the whole fear of the future down to smaller pieces. Take each piece at a time. Get through the exams first, then that is one bit done. Your GP can write a letter to your GP near your University advising of your medical conditions and what support you need. Please keep talking and keep us all updated xx
Your teacher would be sad to think that you couldn't talk to them. Your teacher will want the best for you so try to give it a go. If they are truly overstretched themselves they will be able to point you in the right direction of someone else who can help you.All the best
You are not a burden. Your teacher will want to know so that they can help you in whatever way they can. Sometimes just telling them about your stress can help you. Honestly you will not be the only one of that I am certain but you have more to contend with than most. Please do it, talk to your teacher xx
Thank you for sharing with us and I agree with others who have said that is the first step. No wonder you feel anxious the last year has been kinda crazy , I mean if you think about our whole year , the whole scenario of pandemic , lockdown etc you could not write that in a book! As a Mum with 2 young adults who have spent their second year online I can honestly say they have both felt some anxiety over the past year , my daughter almost deferred a year. Not seeing anyone for a year and then going to a new environment that’s exciting and scary, please don’t belittle yourself , find someone to talk to and do what’s best for you. There is help out there , strange question and just a thought but do you have to go to uni this September ? Things should be better in 2022 and a year out may help you feel stronger , Thinking of you , take care , we are here to listen and to hear you rant, ranting is good for you 🤗🤗 M x
I’m not sure if I Have to go to uni this September. At the moment I am and probably will. I had considered deferring but I didn’t want to be doing nothing for a year at home. If I deferred I wanted to travel or do a interesting course or placement but as I had nothing planned and wasn’t sure how much would be available with covid I thought I’d just do uni.
Fair enough, just wanted to let you know it is okay to take time out and recharge your batteries, you sound exhausted. Uni is 5 months away , I only say because
My daughter took time out between school and uni and learnt french as she had been ill right through sixth form
Still has off days , she did not regret it and met some great friends.
Covid has been a weird year it has certainly made a lot of us look differently at things , I have rediscovered old hobbies. I hope your exams go well, take care , sending a hug xoxo M
When things get overwhelming..here's an exercise that I use n I find it really helps to ground n centre 🤗Outside if u can but inside works just as well
Take a few deep breaths..n then start to walk in a figure of eight..take it slowly..look at your feet whilst walking your 8!!
U can do this barefoot on the grass as often as u wish..or barefoot on any surface..n even if you're wearing slippers!!
U can do this as often as u like..it will help u to focus 💜
Hi redredblue, as lots of others have said- please tell someone how you're feeling. As a Mum I would be devastated to think one of my kids was struggling without telling me. Try a simple "Mum/ Dad I'm struggling, can we talk please?" Once you get past that it gets easier. They might not be able to solve everything for you, but a sympathetic ear and just getting it off your chest will be a great relief. Problems grow if you keep them to yourself and eventually everything feels overwhelming. There are always people on here who will listen and empathise with Lupus struggles as we have all had our own. Hope you find some help really soon xxx
Dear RedRedBlue please do not feel you have to suffer alone, especially with feeling anxious and depressed and suffering from an autoimmune disease on top of those feelings. Can you speak to your parents, teacher, doctor or your friends? Please do not try and cope alone or push them to one side - and please keep sharing on this site. Are you able to speak to a counsellor and also contact anyone at the university for some advice and assistance. Must be so daunting for you especially at this point in time - keep us informed of your progress and wish you all the best for the future - stress is a big factor with many illness but sometimes you just cannot help but get stressed....there is some good advice below - these booklets might help you as they did me when I was in a bad place last December = Challenge your Negative Thinking (not sure of author but my counsellor sent me a copy )and How to Stay Calm in a Global Pandemic by Dr Emma Hepburn - I cannot attach them but you can google them - they are small booklets and very helpfultake care ❤️
Rant away redredblue, we’re here to listen. Your thoughts and feelings echo with my 18 year old daughter’s current situation and I fully get where you are coming from. It has been an incredibly tough year for you and it is not to be underestimated the emotional and mental toll it has taken. Some super advice and suggestions from fellow wolf warriors about handling the short and longer term plans that you have - can I suggest that you have something really nice to look forward to doing after your final assessments? Whatever it maybe that makes you feel good. The finish line is in sight - not long to go now - plan that really nice thing and look forward to it! Good luck and big hugs from a fellow teen mum! 🤗🤗🤗
Hey. Why don't you contact student services at your uni. SLE is a recognised disability, and universities have people who will support you with stuff, including decent accommodation. Good luck with everything
You do not sound self obsessed. You sound like a very articulate, clever young person.
I know the future looks pretty daunting and frightening. I’m 49 and I feel like that some days.
Dealing with SLE is difficult, I know.
But let me reassure you, nothing is insurmountable. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.💖
You will have adventures, loves, laughter, tears and highs you didn’t think were possible.
Remember that life is for learning. You don’t need to get it right first time. Or second, third or fourth..........
Go to university, if you like it, stay. If you don’t, come home. Same with accommodation.
You are in charge of your life.
Take your meds, be kind to yourself.
Re school: they are trying to learn what to do in a global pandemic too. They get stuff wrong too. Look to your family and friends, and us to help with bad days.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Are you planning to hurt yourself? Or take your own life?
Because your family need you, the world needs you. Ask for help
I hope you are ok as I see you wrote this post 4 days ago.
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