psychologist appointment; update: just got back... - LUPUS UK

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psychologist appointment; update


just got back from my first psychologist appointment, patronising young man who made me feel like a stupid old woman. I've been ill longer than he's been alive. 2 hour round trip and no travel expenses because it was at a GP practice and not a hospital. Asked how I was doing financially to which I said I get ESA, "and PIP" he said. no I said just ESA. So he said "you're doing all right then" no I said i'm not because i'm on benefits, I've had to save up and buy my own car because I don't get PIP and I can't use public transport, the nearest bus stop is a mile away. He said if travel was a problem I could see his colleague closer to home [why was I not given that option before?] He also suggested instead of seeing a psycho doc maybe I would prefer to do an online course with tips on coping with long term illness, which I thought pointless as I thought talking to someone face to face was supposed to help with feeling isolated by illness, getting tips on line does not help with isolation.

Asking about my arthritis he came up with the bright idea of a few sessions in the gym with my own personal trainer, I replied that even f the pain let up long enough to go to the gym I was likely to feel too tired to do anything.

So now got an appointment with a different psycho in January, something i'm sure in time I will look forward to

35 Replies

It is important to get the right one - and that one wasn't!!! My second try was much much better!

suzannah16 in reply to PMRpro

I hope so too, next appointment is with a woman in January, fingers crossed

Hey Suzannah - Just read your post. So sorry - that sounds like a dreadful waste of time and effort. Jeez, how awful. But, yes, getting the right one (and def not that person) can make all the difference. My friend has gone through the same thing for psychotherapy and the second person made such a huge difference. Heres hoping its the same for you... I had some support through work (6 free sessions) and the outcome was, well, acceptance.... Ummmm. OK. Oh and dont be around people (or have friends) who just cannot understand your needs and are dismissive. Tricky if youve known them all your life and youve started to go downhill/they cant deal with that. Unsure if youve come across that. As for the gym/personal trainer suggestion - I presume they were going to fund that?! Cuh. Onwards and upwards for you I hope - were all here for you in the meantime. Big hug, D

suzannah16 in reply to DJK99

I really couldn't understand why he suggested the gym, physio would have been more useful

Don't know whether to laugh or cry Suzannah...that sounds like a farce. So sorry you've gone through a pointless experience XOX

A gym with a personal trainer...does he have delusions of California?? He obviously has no idea ESA pays for survival and not much else GRRRR

I'm with PMRpro, second time round can only be better xxx

suzannah16 in reply to eekt

I should have asked how much he was getting paid and could he have managed on what I get. by the time I got there I felt too tired to ask questions or give smart replies, although I did think of a few on the way home. due to brain fog I now can't remember what they were.

eekt in reply to suzannah16

Humor bone's till intact then, wry may it be! Be strong XOX

suzannah16 in reply to eekt

tablets must have start working then although it doesn't feel like humour to me. guess it's trying to fight it's way out. :)

😡 GRRRRR: that young man needs a re-orientation session PRONTO with his superviser (aka a b********g)...i agree with PMRpro, DJK & eekt! This january appt can go “better” 🤞🍀😘

I sometimes think we need to see a psycologist to get over seeing certain psycologists. XX

suzannah16 in reply to louise-a

that definitely went through my mind while sat there. :)

I think a lot of the time, they just don't get it! I remember the guy I once saw, he was so honest and said women with illnesses are looked upon by some people as being typically HYSTERIA. If you read up the meaning, as I needed to, it made sense but at the time I was totally confused. Apparently he also told me this was where the term HYSTERECTOMY originated from. Not sure what truth there is in it all, but you really need to be seen by someone who has empathy and this guy really made me feel like he JUST GETS IT!!!

Not sure if any of this is much use at all, sorry. Do not be put off and stay focused. They say we need to kiss a few frogs to meet our prince, maybe we need to use the same approach with doctors, only don't go as far as to kiss them ;-)

suzannah16 in reply to Lisalou19

ugh no, wouldn't have wanted to kiss him :)

How frustrating (and annoying!). I empathize. Not matter what I do I end up with under educated ineffective therapists or over educated snobby therapists. The cost of which comes 100% out of pocket. My last visit was $250 for 50 minutes and I got NOTHING out of it.

That being said, as a person with a degree in psychology I do have to underscore something you mention which is the isolation aspect. It's so critical to our mental and physical wellbeing to have human contact. I hope you can find someone closer who you connect with. Even if it is just talk therapy - meaning, a chance to have a face to face with someone who listens and let's you get things off your chest.

Best of luck!

suzannah16 in reply to katidid

wow that is expensive, at least I was only out of pocket on fuel costs. wonder if it's too late to train as a psycho therapist, at those prices I would only need to do a few hours a week

katidid in reply to suzannah16

I’ve thought about it! Lol . I do have a friend who got fed up with mental health care (or lack thereof) specific to autoimmune patients. She has Fibro and and ME. She went back to school and did get her degree in counseling to help herself and others!


What a terrible waste of your very finite energy. I’m with others - these people come in all shapes and sizes but this one is definitely to be tossed overboard! 🤷‍♀️🤗

suzannah16 in reply to Hidden

didn't have the energy to throw him through the window :) also had to go up 3 flights of stairs to get to his office and didn't find the lift 'til I left :(

Sounds like a complete idiot. I am amazed at the complete lack of trained clinicians who can make things worse.

Oh Susannah, I’m so sorry. I had the same sort of experience many years back. Just because someone has a degree in psychology doesn’t mean they have the compassion or insight to treat people. While exercise is great for the psyche, of you are in tremendous pain that may not be an option. Do they have any support groups near where you live? That would probably be way more beneficial than seeing someone one on one. Being around supportive people in common situations is so beneficial. And good that you are reaching out to all of us as well. I hope you will keep us posted on your progress. I’m glad you are trying someone new at least and not letting that young man too big for his britches discourage you. Xo Nan

suzannah16 in reply to nanleighh

no support groups they are all over an hours drive away, that's why I come on here, it's support and therapy all in one.

louise-a in reply to suzannah16

yes me too. xx



I’m with the others. This person is not much use to you, or others I suspect. He seems to have very little experience of the world most inhabit.

I had 20 sessions ( should have been 16) but he was ready to fight his corner if necessary. He was with the rarest of the rare in my opinion. A full PhD in psychotherapy, and in touch with the world. At the end of our first session he asked me if I had any questions, and that’s when I asked him for his qualifications, because I needed to make sure he was nothing like a female I once paid for who gave me a crystal pebble every time she considered I had a “breakthrough” (I hadn’t). At our last session he said that in his whole career I was only the second person to check his qualifications!

Unfortunately it’s like this illness, you have to keep trying. I’ve had many a plonker but he was good.

DJK99 in reply to Lupiknits

A crystal pebble??! Priceless..... x

Hi suzannah16

Sorry to hear that u have been made to feel like that..I had a similar seems like the same goes for psychologists as doctors..when u find a decent one u have to keep hold of them but if they're crap then we have to move on. The first counsellor I saw I could have punched if I'd have had the strength (and I'm not a violent person) so I didn't go back!! I have a lady who I talk to from MIND and she is a STAR!! I'm sure that u will find the right one for just might take some time xx

I did consider punching this one :) or pushing him through the window. he kept asking if I felt suicidal and did I have any convictions for violence. he didn't [and maybe should have] asked if I felt like killing someone else. :)

Lupiknits in reply to suzannah16

I once had a GP who didn’t like me, and I didn’t like her much either. No reason on either side, just one of those things. I’d been knitting while waiting and she made some condescending remark about it. I looked her in the eye and said I found the repetitive stabbing movement extremely relaxing. The student behind her tried to keep a straight face, and so did I. GP zapped off a quick prescription for tramadol after me having weeks of hip pain on paracetamol 😂

Barnclown in reply to Lupiknits


Hello suzannah16, I thought I would share this with you. I was at guys hospital today and a professor sat with me, he asked what life was like living with reoccuring ill health, and I off loaded slightly. He was a lovely man. He arranged for me to see their Physcologist today. For once it was kind of nice to actually be offered this help because he believed in me and my symptoms. There was no referral to mental health because he believed I was making all this up. (thats was happened before)

It really did feel rewarding to just off load for a moment, and I have contact details now, because as she said I need to work out a coping strategy on how to live with a disease and manage my children. X

suzannah16 in reply to Lisalou19

i'm glad you have a nice dr, I have nice ones as GP and renal hopefully the next psycho doc will be better for me

I am so sorry for you. I have experienced this kind of stupidity from some doctors. It is so depressing. Take a deep breath, it was him, not you. You are one of so many women who suffer from this kind of ignorance. Please find a support group in your area. In the one I go to, so many of us have benefited and grown stronger and more confident. Take someone with you next time.

I wish you better

Jeeze! I'm so sorry. I'm a psychotherapist and have worked with many people with long-term illnesses. I never give medical advice (going to the gym), but focus on emotional support, coping skills, things like that. Don't feel bad about seeing several therapists until you find one you connect with. The relationship between counselor and patient is crucial for treatment to work.

suzannah16 in reply to jenniann

unfortunately I don't get a choice in who I see. I wonder why I was sent out of town to see someone when there was a counselor who came to my local area. At least it won't be him again.

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