In crisis

Had a total melt down on Saturday. Anxiety became so overwhelming that I couldn't stop thinking on how I could end my life. I couldn't escape those thoughts. I did the right thing and told my husband. Rang the crisis line and an initial response team from the psychiatric dept at local hospital were in my house within 20 minutes. They have came every day to see me. Today I go for my first session of CBT. I'm nervous about going outside but I'm going to do it.

Is this common with lupus?? I was diagnosed in August and it's all relatively new to me.

Should I take longer off work til I overcome the anxiety or should I go back Sunday and get back in a routine?

10 Replies

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  • You poor thing, sending you positive vibes, and glad you told your hubby and rang the crisis line.

    Personally id hang back from going to work, i have had a few set backs re anxiety, one from trying to get back to normal too quick.

  • Hi Rach5,

    Sounds like you did exactly the right thing!

    I don't know how far your particular feeling is down to your lupus, but there certainly can be purely physiological reasons for feelings of extreme anxiety.

    "Panic attacks" are caused by a surge of adrenaline which results in your heart racing, sweating, shallow breathing, shaking, nausea, tightness in your chest....when you feel like this, it becomes really difficult NOT to feel like you are dying, and to have catastrophic thoughts!

    The trouble is that it can become a bit of a vicious circle - the anxiety thoughts trigger the adrenaline rush, and the adrenaline rush makes you feel more anxious....and i guess lupus could start the whole thing of by messing with your natural adrenaline/cortisol metabolism. I've had similar feelings and confusion, and it is can be hard to know how to break the cycle.

    But regardless of how far the lupus is causing this, CBT should help give you some tools for calming/managing your anxiety thoughts.

    Can you talk to your CBT therapist about work? My guess would be that they might suggest a break from work for a bit, whilst making sure that you plan your sick time well. i.e. have a daily routine that includes lots of self-care and mood maintenance activities.

    Hope things improve soon x

  • Hi Rach5,

    It sounds as though you did exactly the right thing and I'm glad that you are getting some good support during this difficult time. Anxiety and depression are very common in people with lupus. You can read more about lupus and depression and find out more about available support services at lupusuk.org.uk/lupus-and-de...

    As for deciding whether to return to work yet or not, I think that really depends on you and whether you feel ready yet. The routine could be helpful, but pushing yourself too hard could affect your recovery. Could you discuss this with your doctor and get their opinion?

  • I've just got back from CBT. It was very helpful and eye opening, great to see things from another perspective. I'm hoping she will give me an appointment for next week, there's an issue of overlapping services, I may have to wait until the crisis team stop seeing me. Gutted if that's so as I feel CBT is the key to getting out of this cycle.

    After talking it through I think I'm going to have a couple weeks off work, in that time learn to accept the anxiety and to not worry about it happening. Build up getting on a bus for a short journey, with the ultimate goal being able to get the bus all the way to work.

    I will get there.....

  • Well done for going to the appointment - it's easy to be scared off by the thought of 'mental health' services. Glad it felt worthwhile.

    Keep us posted on how it goes. X

  • Hi Rach5

    I understand where you're coming from, anxiety and loss of confidence have hit me lately and I'm waiting for an appointment for CBT too.

    Sometimes it feels like there's no other way out when the exhaustion and pain goes on for so long, most of all the exhaustion . Sometimes I think I can't live this way for another 30 years or so but I don't want to die either but I would just like to sleep for a very long time and wake up and be well! I don't want to be cheated of my life and I have to tell myself that I do have some better days and maybe one day there will be many more, I hang onto that thought but yes there have been times when I've thought that I've had enough!

    After six years of being poorly and slowly seeing my life as it once was crumble and see it sailing off into the sunset all I want at this moment is to have a firm diagnosis and for a dr to say ' I'm not surprised you feel so ill, this is what you have' so I can process it and try and accept and deal with it and with what each day and my body will throw at me, I'm trying to do that now but feel as though I'm in limboland...!

    Please don't feel alone, we are all here. I think many people with chronic illness have these feelings, we have to be and we are exceptionally strong to cope with it all.

    You're doing all the right things, keep it up and only go back to work when you feel you are ready.

    Thinking of you and Sending many hugs

    Diane🌺Xx

  • I really hope you get your CBT appointment soon xx

  • I know what you mean. I had a day like that yesterday, feeling like life is not worth living like this. I got diagnosed in June. Pretty new to me, too.

  • Having a rocky day today, but I didn't sleep much last night.

    My aim is to try getting on a bus later today, even if it's just for a few stops.

    Deep breath

  • I've been in the same situation, a couple weeks ago showers help walks help. quiet helps. good luck