For me....... not being a morning person anymore..... why, I can here you ask....
My Lupus is a slow riser....
I used to be up at 5am, walk the dog, sort the lunches for ex hubby and daughter, breakfast, put washing on, you know, all the usual things people do before lupus strikes.
Now, depending on the previous night, where or if I have slept, my pain level or if I can even move, it can take me until lunchtime before I am ready to begin to face my day and thats not including the days when the lupus fog settles for the day and a duvet day is needed........
I miss seeing the sun rise after a decent nights sleep, rather than feeling omg another day has slipped by.
I miss walking my dog on the beach in the morning light - beaches are not made for wheelchairs or even sticks for that matter.
I miss the best part of the day, when the world is calm before the storm of the days activities.
I miss the feeling of joy in greeting a new day because my body is racked with pain and all I want to do is cry and hide.
I miss knowing that i can do a full days work and still have time left in my day for fun.
I miss working
I miss that amazing feeling of achievement for something other than getting dressed.
I miss not being able to drive at 4 or 5 in the morning to see the aftermath of a big storm upon the beaches in Falmouth
Mornings for me no longet exsist in the happy way I was used to. It has taken me a very long time to accept this and even now I struggle with losing the hours of 6/7am to midday.
I have learnt to be productive in other ways, my exercises, meditation, writing, e baying, routine etc but I still find myself in tears on some of those mornings. Not because if the pain but because sometimes I cant forgive lupus for taking my mornings, for what else it has taken and what it is still taking.
No one can be positive all the time. I cant forgive myself all the time for what lupus has done to me and my family. If one more person says to me, there are people worse off, I think I will possibly shoot them...... I know that, it doesn't make it easier.
Mornings can break or make my day. I used to love mornings, I dont anymore.
Thats the darker side of lupus.
Approch each day with a smile and it will smile back - the saying of someone who does not have lupus.