Hi everyone. I am taking a civil service typing test on Tuesday and cannot believe how my mind has changed. I can see the mistakes I am making with a practice typing program I got from the library. My mind has suddenly become dyslexic and I am reversing letters, delay in my thought of what I am up to. Making up words, not seeing what I am looking at, and unable to process the word I am looking at. Ugh!
Is this the foggy brain we all talk about?
As I am practicing I am starting to get a headache and have to stop because it only upsets me when I make mistakes. This stinks. I could always rely on my mind when I was in my 20s and 30s. I am so upset about this. This is my only chance at getting a job. My husband is falling apart physically, and it seems mentally maybe too. His grandfather had alzheimers, and I am nervously watching his behavioral changes...
I worked full time for two weeks with a temp agency, and collapsed going into the 3rd week. I literally cooked dinner, and sat down on the couch unable to get up. I don't know if I will be able to work full time again. I am 52, and exhausted.
What do people suggest? The temp agency is willing to find me something part time. But, not benefits, very little pay....Hard to stay positive...
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Natura
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Good luck for your typing exam. Your very brave to be trying, sorry it's such a struggle and needed because of your husband's health!. For your own sake you could think about part time although I know it doesn't pay the bills!. Not easy for you but all credit for trying!. X
Thanks misty...too much stress around here. Not only do i not feel well, now i have to worry about my husband. Sometimes its too much. Real foggy today too. Practicing again. Cant picture the keyboard so good anymore in my head. Memory! Ugh!
I am working part time with a temp agency now. I may have to come to terms with that is all i will be able to do at this point in my life.
This is very hard, natura...am so sorry...this sounds to me like a Big Crunch...am especially feeling for you because my Big Crunch was in my early 50s too....and for sure my cog imp (cognitive impairment aka brain fog) became even worse then
I agree with misty...and my experience is that sometimes part time work can lead into negotiations re working more hours...think positive, and try to be as gentle as you can with yourself: you've been coping very bravely with a lot of tough stuff for quite some time...now you & your husband are having to reassess and reorganise the pattern of your lives. Yes this tends to happen to many of us as we head into our 50s, and yes it's especially hard when chronic illness is part of the mix, but my feeling is that you can do this...your posts here have always shown a great resourcefulness, common sense, strength of purpose and good humour....even when you were really struggling.
Thank you barnclown for your kind assessment of me. I have always been independent since my mom died when i was 11. I am tired of being strong all the time. My husband thinks i am overeacting to how he looks, and he gets mad at me. I think we do have to re evaluate things as we are into our 50s. We have 3 more years with the girlsin high school, but i am not sure we can continue the way things are for that amount of time. Problem is he has been working all these financial plans out with his father and not me. This doesnt help matters. We should be discussing it together. But, he is reluctant to make any changes, and he is scared. Tough one. He refuses to go on disability, and i am afraid he will get hurt at work one day. Hes a carpenter. He has admitted to driving poorly. What to do?
Natura, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Are you sure that attempting full time work is a sensible option? I only say that because you mention your husband's health and even if you manage the full time work, will you be able to leave him all day and then cope with the stress and possible work when you get home if he is unable to run the house? Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but just felt I should reflect this back to you. Not sure what other suggestions I have apart from part time work that doesn't require a lot of screen time. Good luck with the test though.
Thank you Heather. I think full time work is pretty unrealistic for me. I dont know why i keep taking these civil service tests that are full time. I maybe able to get one that would work with me with hrs. Maybe.
My husbands health is not at a point of where he needs care. I am just tired doing all the house chores without his help. He has not helped in the kitchen ever. I am just tired.
Having a similar problem to you regarding transposing letters. I have just hit 60 and have gone from full time to part time, luckily I have a very understanding employer. Noticed that my work is not as accurate as it once was but I sometimes wonder is it an age thing and not always down to Lupus. If you can do try part time because it does give you the option to rest a bit more which I find does help with the brain fog. Take care x
Prescilla, age is just a number. How we take care of ourselves will determine our longterm health, along with genetics, but we have fifty percent of it within our control, unless an accident of some sort happens. It is the enemy that desires for you to believe that because we are aging it is over with for us. But, I have learned aging is only the beginning of life! I wouldn't give up this time for what I have learned from it, to be youthful again. I was displaying symptoms of SLE within my twenties and my mind, which has always been sound, strong and firm, began then changing. I would sometimes garble my words, I would forget my train of thought. Then those symptoms would disappear all together as if they never happened. I don't know about you, but I do not believe a person in their twenties is old.
Another thing I have learned about the enemy (Satan) is that he will put things in your mind and send people your way to tell you that anytime you are mentally off, that it is our age. Look at the Queen of England, listen to her speak, nothing suggests that her age is causing her mind to debilitate, and she looks fabulous for her age! Be careful of people who try to make you believe that your mind is going away from you. The enemy will send these types in your life and make you doubt yourself, they are from the enemy and you should not believe them.
Thanks prescilla...i may have to stay at part time.
Natura, I know this is frightening and very difficult, but first you must calm down. I have SLE and I am a writer, and yes, what you are experiencing is normal for a lupus patient. I find typing and reading regularly is the exercise you need to keep the mind from deteriorating. I do the very same things that you do, when typing, and at first is is very frightening, but the more you practice at typing the better you will become at remembering words, not turning them around and typing accurately. You will make mistakes, but you will improve with practice. The Lord has shown me it is like starting over again, as a child. Whatever you do, do not overwhelm yourself. A child cannot learn properly in an environment filled with anxiety and frustration.
Have you tried looking into disability? I do not know if you are from the UK regions, but in the US we (SLE patients) qualify for disability insurance. After all, everything that you just typed suggests that you are not capable of doing the things that you use to in order to become gainfully employed.
As for your husband, speak into his life. Please do not say that he is falling apart. Our words are powerful, please be careful how you speak over yourself and your husband. There are many things to fight Alzheimer's disease. Look into it and the both of you can fight together to beat debilitating diseases. Daily exercise does wonders, changing your diet is another. Meanwhile, look into whatever disability programs you might qualify for and be strong for the both of you and your husband. Do not beat yourself up and become overwhelmed, life has simply changed for people like us, even though what we are facing is overwhelming. You are not alone.
Well, Helen..hmmm...I am a highly visual person, and can see and feel how my husband is changing. Maybe he is ok. Maybe i am overeacting, but i have always been sensitive to my environment and those around me. Not psychic, but in tune. People have always told me to stop worrying, when i cannot change what is happening.
I have been eating clean and cooking clean for 13 years or so, and taking vitamins and supplements and smoothies. I am dairy and gluten free which helps a lot.
I am not sure how i am talking over myself and my husband when i am only speaking from my heart.
But, i thank you for your insights.
I practiced typing all day yesterday, and felt ok with my testing. Not perfect, but enough to pass the test on tuesday. I started again today, and blanked out where some letters were. Day to day my mind changes in its abilties. If memory is challenged in the brain which it is for me, even practice may not help. Maybe my foggy brain is a little more different than yours. And I am not giving up. I am planning on taking this test, and hope my mind is in good shape that day.
I am sure what you are seeing over your own situation is accurate by what you see, understand and know. What I am trying to say to you is speak well always over your situation, and have faith, that though it seems impossible, things will turn around for your family. We support out here. However, I do know that the words we speak out into the universe are very powerful. Why not then, speak that your husband is doing well, and he is whole, instead of falling apart. Example: World recognized Bishop TD Jakes wife Serita Jakes, was told by the professionals that she would never walk again after an automobile accident. Bishop and his wife refused to believe the doctors and Bishop himself spoke to her that she would walk. He would take her by the hand and walk with her each day. Though it seemed useless, he was actually providing therapy to her body, mind and spirit and it worked! Today she does what the doctors told her she would never do! Today she wears all those high heels that she thought she would never wear again!
You see, you are right, your mind does work differently from mine, we are different. Though, we are different notice that the healing remedies are not so different. The medicine that works for me can and will work for you and others also. Practice at something and keep trying, though you might do it differently from me and operate differently from me and others, it is good to keep trying, just as you are doing. May the peace of God be with you and yours and may you do very well on your upcoming test. May the Lord open a financial door to you and bless you in all that you set your mind to doing.
Ok. All sounds good. I have lost a bit of my faith because of my hard life. But, I have not given up. I am still here. I may buy this typing program. It is fun and keeps my mind moving.
I do believe God has a plan for my husband and I. Maybe I will take your advice and tell him he looks well when he doesn't. I also, don't believe in denial and the fact that he possibly should be going on disability soon before he hurts himself. He works with many dangerous tools everyday as a carpenter. And he has told me that he is not driving safely sometimes. I pray every night and day for our family. I thank you for your prayers and faith sharing.
I understand that you & your husband are very proud I used to be, but Working Tax Credit is only for people working 16 hours or more it is for working people. I think that it is worked out on the amount of wages you have coming in, I am not too sure how it works you would need to phone the benefits office.
I we'd to work full time at the Inland Revenue Office until they forced me to take early retiremen. I was only 29, they did not understand lupus & had Me on probation 5 years because of my sick record. I was not allowed to be on the sick, I was under so much stress that I had a really bad flair & was hospitalised for 2 months.
At least now with the DDA act you will be protected, so good luck & try to keep calm & everything will become clear in your mind of what you have to do. Please keep us all updated on the job.
Thanks mountainlady. I use to do a nettie pot everyday with saline solution until someone at work told me that someone got a bad sinus infection, bacterial infection in their head or something. Talk about a bad story. I thought it was helping me. I use a copper pot. I never heard about baking soda in the solution. Interesting.
Good luck for your typing exam on Tuesday, I didn't realise that they still employed typists. When I worked in the Inland Revenue we didn't have any, you just did your own, that was almost 2o years ago.
can you not work part time & get Working Tax Credit? Or is that only if you have a family to keep?
Cal...Its really a clerk job, and they add typist at the end. As long as I qualify to sit for an exam, I take it. I may be able to work part time from a civil service point. Not sure. That would be ideal, as I am concerned about working full time because of my exhaustion. I don't know if anyone else realizes, but a full time working mom also means working at home. I do laundry, clean, take care of the childrens meals for breakfast and lunch everyday. Take care of the dogs. Food shop constantly it seems. And it all seems to be a bit too much for me at 52.
Don't think I could qualify for aid since my husband and I are very proud people, plus I am low end lupus. I may not be ill enough. I look ok on the outside, but tired and in pain on the inside. You know the drill. It all seems to much trouble. My husband has several herniated discs and a torn shoulder with limited movement. I think he could qualify, but he refuses.
My dear darling Lupus patient, that is the name of the tiger. All you can do on the day is to do your best. However if you are feeling rotten that day, would it be possible for you to postpone the test. If it is a government one, perhaps you just may be able to?
Barbara...I think I get two tries. I have been practicing the past couple of days and my typing has improved a lot. Hope for the best. I feel clear headed today.
Do brain exercises. If you have a tablet you can download apps that cater for those. If you're worried about words, find one that deals specifically with words and do those religiously.
It isn't that you've lost memory or that you've become dyslexic. It is that the brain is slower because of the inflammation, so you need "tricks" to get it to work faster and continue making connections.
"If you don't use it, you lose it" applies here perfectly. Our brains are very adaptable. If you need that job, you need to get your brain to work faster. You do that by exercising it specifically, under pressure. Find brain exercises/apps that push you to do them on a timer - that will definitely make your mind sharper.
Thanks purpletop. I have been home for 2 years and always using my ipad instead of the computer. The ipad stinks for typing. I am always cursing at it. The level I have to type is pretty low for this job, 35 wpm. I use to type 50 wpm. Never took typing classes..self taught with programs and such. I am practicing everyday. I will try not to pressure myself when taking the test. Sometimes I panic when I start messing up.
I wasn't suggesting to find apps for typing. The problem is not with your typing but with how quickly your brain accesses your memory of where the fingers should go to for a particular word.
I was suggesting apps for general brain training - in particular for mental agility. It sounds awful, I know but it is the slowness in brain reaction that we need to improve, the rest will come after.
I do understand. When I'm flaring the dyslexia is dreadful. Since I started brain exercises I find that my crosswords, for example, are done a lot quicker and that my recall is better.
Great ideas Purpletop, has anyone else on here not found lack of sleep related to brain fog or am I really missing something. I know meds play a big part with active mind but I find when I get regular sleep, my memory is better. ( As long as I don't have something stressful on my mind)??
I went through a phase where I would get syllables mixed up when hand writing ! Thankfully this problem passed.
If you have additional cognitive problems, (eg memory and overload problems) my advice is on the day of the test, eliminate as many of the other possible sources of brain strain as you can. eg. If you have word finding difficulties when speaking, don't speak to anybody that day etc.
Really sorry that things are so difficult for you right now.
Sounds like you and your husband just need to stop everything for a while.
Wish you had that luxury.
PS. Don't be proud about applying for benifits. (Worth a try ?)
Its always more important to preserve your health and tend to your family and friends.
Sorry, I'm a bit of a rampant socialist, but you are a human being, not an economic unit.
I bet you and your husband have paid tax all you're life. Time for the community to give back to you.
Thanks freckle. Yes, my husband and i have paid taxes since we were 17. I heard in france they retire at 51. I like that. I think that would give young people job opportunities where there are so few. Well, that is another story.
Anyway, the test is in the early am. Interesting what you said about not taking.
I PASSED!!!!! All my practicing helped me find keys when I was a little panicked. Good deal!! I am now on the list. I am also going to look into getting my husband on disability. I was told it could take 2-3 years, but that you would get paid while applying. Someone recommended a lawyer to me. He put in his 30 years of building homes all over our town. He guessed probably over 200 homes. At the least, maybe he can work part time in a local hardware store, and we could get partial help. He cannot continue what he is doing. Thank you all for your well wishes!!
Sounds wonderful for you. I worked dental for 20 years and due to memory loss and hand coordination getting worse, I started to work in a hardware job. The stress is less but the pay is not what you hope for. At least I have benefits so my meds are mostly covered and this would be a bonus for you both. So much less stress. But you do feel not as important. Good luck with the positions.
Well done for your persistence and passing the test ! Also for working toward the more civilized French model you spoke about. I think you will be amazed how much healthier and happier everybody will become when the grinding stress and anxiety is reduced.
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