Off work feeling guilty


Just wondering what you all feel about taking time off work. I started a new job a couple of months ago... Full time, Monday to Friday 9 to 5.30. I don't mean to sound like a wuss, but I'm finding it hard. I had a day off sick a few weeks back as I was exhausted. And I had yday off and still feel shattered today so am thinking of taking today off too.

I just feel when I try and talk to people about it, I get that whole 'oh just try and go in, you'll feel better in your head' and I seem to be surrounded by people who never seem to get ill, or when they do get ill, they carry on.

My job can be pretty demanding at times, they know about my lupus and always tell me I should take my breaks etc, but if I'm honest the whole 9 to 5.30 thing isn't suiting me. I don't have any ambition any more, I just want to be able to work to make a living, considering I'm on pretty rubbish money they keep putting more responsibility on me and I don't want it.

Anyway, just wanted to rant and also should I be pushing myself more? Sometimes I feel proud that I DO push myself but today I feel rubbish like I'm giving up and not trying hard enough to go in.


12 Replies

  • Oh poor you, it's so awful isn't it this disease! I have recently reduced my hours to three days a week this takes the pressure off but I struggle financially. My work are helpful but they don't really understand how hard it can be just to get to work let alone work all day .can you reduce your hours even temporarily ? My gp wrote a form for me asking this and then I made it permanent when I realised I couldn't manage .I really hope you can do this and have a rest. I felt like giving up but if you can do something to reduce the pressure and do things in bite size pieces (my new mantra!) it might help. Hope you feel better very soon xxx

  • Ahhh thank you for this... It's good to know I'm not alone. I think in my head I like to feel like I can carry on and I just want to be normal and do a normal job. On the whole I am ok, it's just the slightest bit of stress comes up and I feel I can't cope. And then I feel guilty for failing aaaargh!

    Well I am definitely going back in tomorrow, I have annual leave fri and mom as I'm going to stay with a friend in Belgium :-)

    What kind of work do you do? Do you do full days on the days you go in? It's hard for me to raise it as I've only been there two months! X

  • Hello, I really feel for you too.....I have been were you are, feeling that I must push and push myself, but please, please beware (at least this was my experience) I pushed myself so hard (as at the time I wanted promotion) that I did not take time off when I really needed it (this was before I was aware that I had Lupus-back in 2006/2007) ...I'd had a cold that had turned into a chest infection and I think from the October to the Feb I had, had about 3 days off in all (one of which I was sent home!)-well by the Feb I was taken into hospital with Pleurisy/Pneumonia and I spent 8 days in hosp and had to have 7 weeks off work!!! As I said I did not know it was Lupus then (was not officially diagnosed until last year!!) and what I am trying to say is, DON'T feel guilty - listen to your body- your health is so, so important!!! I now only work 3 days in the canteen (so much for promotion!!!) BUT I am HAPPY-I just about cope-(both financially and physically) but have come to accept that I will never be what I was before....If you push yourself too hard Lupus will knock you down-so if you need to rest-then rest-and what will be will be-we are not in charge of our bodies anymore, and it is not our fault-just our fate! Good luck and please do not beat yourself up for resting!! xx

  • Ahhh thank you... Everyone is so kind on here... I'm actually going to look for part time work... I'm not sure how easy it will be but I know I can't go on with what I'm doing... I actually feel stronger for admitting it. I'm working for a mortgage company at the moment, it's like a call centre at times, which I actually don't mind, I'm sitting, it's busy so goes quick, but they're now putting more responsibility on me but for no more money. Like you say, it's about being happy and well, that's the most important thing x

  • I think you are amazing for working atall with what we have. I get stressed and upset with the smallest things. I work from home for my husbands business but I just can't imagine having to work full time or part time in a normal environment, people really don't understand what we go through.

    Big hugs. Xx

  • Hi. I think you are wise to come to that decision. We all know what it's like. I had to cancel my two hours voluntary in a charity shop today and felt so guilty but we are at the mercy of this condition. I started to flare and know that if I don;t roll with it that it will take longer to go. So today....I emptied the dishwasher and washed the sides down....oh and washed my hair because I knew that would make me feel better. It's tough at times with this and I think you must be some kind of superhero to be able to do those hours up to now. At least we all understand on here. Yes....definitely a good move for you. Please keep us posted xx

  • Agh thank you, you are all so lovely and have made me feel way less guilty. Im going to stick at my current job until I find something more suitable. Only thing is, I'm too tired at the moment to fill out any applications!

    Even things I should look forward to I just end up dreading, such as out work meal next week, as it's on a weekday straight after a full day at work. It's so frustrating as in my head I am young and vibrant. Honest!

    I'm definitely going back to work tomorrow. Today I have taken it easy, even ordered my shopping online, now waiting for it to arrive. Rock n roll haha x

  • It's a relief to read these questions and replies and realise that you're not alone. I have only recently been diagnosed with DLE and the tiredness is so hard to deal with, although the medication does seem to be making a difference. I have 3 children and work in a school four days a week, from 8.30-3pm. This is all I can deal with and sometimes feel like I just want to stay in bed. But I have to get up for my kids as well. I guess I have to learn when I can do things and when I need to learn to say no. I too find I can't deal with stress very well anymore. I don't have the energy for it. I hope you find a part-time job really soon, one that is less taxing too!

  • Well I thought I'd be fine for work today... I should be up by now and while I'm mentally awake, my body still feels exhausted. I am supposed to be going away on Friday so really wanted to get back to work today. But the thought of taking calls all day is already killing me. I feel such a failure. When I called into work yesterday they asked if I'm going to see a doctor... But I always think what's the point? I already know what's wrong aaaargh! X

  • Bless you. Having one if those mornings too and I don't have to work, just get the kids ready for school and the usual house stuff! I really feel for you. The only thing you can do when we feel like this is rest and sometimes it's just impossible!

    Big hugs to you. We will get through this! :)

    Jo x

  • Jo I think you sound amazing. I stayed off work today... DEFINITELY going in tomorrow x

  • Ahhh thank you! Hope you are feeling better and work is good tomorrow.


    Jo x

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