My friends cancer is inoperable

[Chase888]

My friend had chemo for a year and now he tells me that he has an inoperable tumour.

The reason I didn't go to the hospital with him is because his sister accompanied him and she lives far.

I've offered to do shopping and clean his flat but he says no and also says to me "thank you for everything".

All I did was phone Macmillan for advice and informed Kevin that he qualifies for help from social services but I am not allowed to phone social services. It has to be Kevin who makes the call. He doesn't want to phone them.

If I was ill I would call them for help.

He says how nice of me to post him the information about all the help he can get.

I say I haven't done anything.

I want to comfort Kevin the best way I can.

[anrean]

Kevin knows you care. I would imagine that right now he is trying to hold on to as much independence as possible while he digests the most recent news. Please hang in there and let him handle things at his own pace - the time will probably come when he has to admit that he needs help, but for now he needs time to be independent. Please let him know that you care and we are here to help him if he wants to join us! Let him know that there are folks here who also cannot have surgery and are working on 5, 10 and more years of being in that position. Of course it is different for each person, bu never give up hope!!

[JanetteR57]

Well done for supporting your friend - we all tackle the situation differently and take different time to come to terms with things... the majority of UK patients are inoperable due to late detection but many live years especially with the newer treatment combinations.... there are a myriad of treatments if inoperable including radiotherapy, chemotherapy, immunotherapy and targeted therapies but all depend on the characteristics of the tumour's/patient's biology so can vary.... you may find the book 'what can I do to help?' by Deborah Hutton helpful.... good luck and hope you can support your friend for a long time to come...

[etpd2226]

Hi thereIt may be that you want to help him more than he is ready for at this time. Listening is the greatest gift you can give. Just hear him in all his okay and

un-okayness. There a lot to wrap your head around when cancer crosses your path. Everyone is unique and has their own way of dealing with their diagnosis, treatments, etc. Listening is a gift, one of the greatest gift we can give each other. We all want to be heard.

We hear you loud and clear and honor your wishes. Best of luck with your relationship with Kevin.

[Chase888 in reply to etpd2226]

He is my late boyfriends best friend. There is no relationship and he is pining for the nurse who has now moved.I've never been really in love but we all like to feel cared about.

I won't say this to Kevin but medics are just doing their job.

When I worked in a charity shop I was nice and I had a few men try it on.

People take things the wrong way. I heard years ago that men can fall in love with their nurse.

But I feel he is pining for her.

Nothing I can do about it.

I've had some lovely doctors but I never felt like that.

I'm confused.