Overwhelmed

[Barbara36]

Today is tough. I'm sad. I know what needs to done. But, I'm tired of being strong and continuing with the precious minute by minute tasks and shoulds that deplete me.

[VikingRoots]

Hi Barbara. Looks like your post was cut short. Tell us more...?

[Barbara36]

TY viking. Cancer is returned. I have a terrible infection that has been difficult to diagnose. 4 rounds of antibiotics have been unsuccessful. Starting cancer treatment again with city of hope. And my teeth are painful. It's overwhelming.

[VikingRoots in reply to Barbara36]

So sorry to hear this. We're all striving for remission, and if we're fortunate enough to get that, as you were, and I currently am, we then have to figure out how to live with the fear of it returning. I confess I struggle with that one myself, I can only imagine the crushing blow it must be, esp if you've got a massive infection to cope with at the same time. I had a look at your previous posts - you've clearly been super strong and been through tough treatment. Remember that and hang onto it - you know you can get through horrible phases, because you already have.

The fact that you have treatment options still, is a massive positive. I'm no expert but have found counselling helpful when I've felt overwhelmed, might be worth you exploring if you haven't already. Hope this helps in some way.

[Barbara36 in reply to VikingRoots]

It helps immensely. I am going to seek out counseling though a local cancer support center. Praying you stay healthy. I'm trying to get the MOJO back and more importantly let go and God take the reins.

[JanetteR57]

sorry to read of your current state of overwhelm especially after you've fought so hard for so long..... be kind to yourself - cut yourself some slack.. let go of the 'should', 'oughts' and other obligations and just cut through the day in small time chunks at a time.... treat yourself if you can to something nice - a bubble bath? manicure? lose yourself in a film/box set or something uplifting if you can... do you have friends who can support you? it can be tough and we can feel like we're being a burden but many are desperate to help but unsure how so reach out and ask for some company if that would help.... sometimes it's hard to appreciate how far we've come....

I've had some awful infections over the last 8 or 9 years (my diagnosis was in Jan 2011) that have really knocked me about - unsure whether the infections or the awful medications and their effects and it took time to come out the other side.... personally I found taking a short walk in the open air, looking at the seasons/nature in the park where we live, when I had the energy having a swim and feeling the water on my skin. I know we're all different but do hope you can find something to lift your mood - as others have suggested counselling is an option but here in the UK there's such a waiting list so it's not always an instant fix... take care...

[Barbara36 in reply to JanetteR57]

Thank you Janet. Your suggestions sound just like what I would say to a friend in a similar situation. I'm trying to take my own advise.

[Jenniferroseolson]

Hi Barbara. It is certainly overwhelming to be a cancer patient and to start treatments again. Don't let anyone make you think it is abnormal or wrong to have down times; you have to go THROUGH, not around this awful diagnosis. I am so sorry. I like your idea of trying to let go and let God take the reins. We really don't have control over all the things that we once believed before cancer, but that doesn't make it easy to accept. I have been blessed to have a fantastic therapist who has been with me since the month after my diagnosis, and palliative care professionals who have gotten to know me and will be able to help me know when to say that Quality is more important than prolonging life at all costs. I also love the author Kate Bowler who has a wonderful podcast, social media feed, and many books including No Cure for Being Human and my first favorite that brought me to her: "Everything Happens for a Reason and other lies I loved" about her diagnosis in her 30s with stage IV colon cancer. Wishing you the best and the strength to put one foot in front of the other and find others to lean on.

[Barbara36]

Thank you Jennifer. It is tough. I do have a great deal of support in my partner. He's not perfect, but he's there for the tough days as well as the good times. The hardest of it all is acceptance of all the compromises. I hope and pray I get my strength back.

Praying for you too. I'll look into that book. Part of the overwhelming part is that all my energy goes into learning about my health, going to appointments and getting through procedures and treatments. I'm working on balancing joyful moments.