To do the best for my friend

[Chase888]

My friend Kevin has terminal lung cancer and about 3 weeks ago he was admitted to the psyche ward.

I offered to go to his flat to get his clothes and he said no (the doctor did say the cancer was effecting his brain).

He doesn't belong on a psyche ward and they are trying to sort out accommodation like assisted living.

I disagree and think he should be in a hospice. Reason being is that he may be far from me and just laying in a bed all day. No life.

I'm in the UK. Before he was taken into the psyche ward he was offered help and he said no. He wouldn't let me clean his flat snapping at me "leave it".

I can tell he needs oxygen cos when he phones its none stop coughing.

The hospital is far away and he doesn't want to stay in the lounge for long cos he feels weak or tired (visitors are not allowed in patients rooms).

When Kevin phones he suddenly goes quiet. I speak and he is still on the phone.

I want to try to get Kevin into a hospice.

people reading this, please don't panic. Kevin's chemotherapy was successful but it returned. He was one of the unlucky ones.

Any advice please

[etpd2226]

In my prayers you and him. Yes, hospice is the answer. sounds like he doesn’t have a POA which can really help. So sorry this is happening. ❤️

[Chase888 in reply to etpd2226]

Sorry etpd but what is posPower of Attorney? I guess.

If you read my reply to Denzie then you will know I feel powerless.

Strange when Kevin said "I don't want any clothes," and then about the toenails.

I don't have his sisters number and I mentioned it many times.

I have no idea what she is doing for Kevin but she works full-time and sounds lovely.

Maybe I could ask the ward to give her number.

Love and hugs

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

My mom had brain mets and was often irrational because by of them. We were fortunate that they had room for her on a neurology ward while they got a complete diagnosis before releasing her to skilled care.

Very sorry your friend is going through this awful phase. Are his parents alive? Can they talk to the doctors? Etpd2226 makes a good point about this being a reason we should each appoint a durable power of attorney.

My prayers are with you.

[Chase888 in reply to Denzie]

Thank you for your reply.

Kevin is 59years old and his next of kin is his twin sister.

There are no other relatives as neither had children.

I offered to go to his flat to get clothes and he said "I don't want any clothes".

Then I offered to cut his toenails and he said "I don't care about my toenails". Then 2 weeks later he asked me for nail clippers and I took sharp scissors to Kevin.

I was with Kevin when the doctor said it was terminal and effecting his brain.

When the transport arrived to take Kevin back to the other hospital he hugged me and said "sorry I was so rude to you".

If I was sick and weak I would be glad of a person getting me my clothes (and in a females case, shampoo, soap, make up creams etc)

But he won't give me his keys and the journey is long plus the hospital is like a maze. I got locked in LOL

Thanks again Denzie

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

The medical durable power of attorney is a document that names someone to make medical decisions for you in the event that you cannot make decisions yourself. It may be because you are unconscious. In his case, from what you write, the brain mets have rendered him unable to make a decision about treatment.

Sometimes the brain has a bad reaction to treatment. The swelling from brain radiation is not controllable, steroids cannot shrink it. There are other possibilities including brain necrosis.

The best you can do for him now is respect what he does ask or tells you. That is difficult sometimes. Especially when he was such a strong connection between you and the boyfriend you loved and lost to this disease. I imagine it's a bit like losing another piece of him. I'm so sorry for your pain.

[Chase888 in reply to Denzie]

Hello DenzieMy Charlie died of a heart attack. Luckily I had the keys and there was no smell of death. Best way to go.

He was working until then.

Kevin said at the time we can go out when lockdown is over but as you know this happened.

He is definitely not in his right mind. He phoned me and went silent. I asked if he was still there. He said more than once he keeps going blank.

Thanks Denzie

Love and hugs

[etpd2226]

power of attorney