I want to do my best for my friend

[Chase888]

Kevin phoned me last night. He has had chemotherapy for a year ago went to the hospital yesterday. He told me he has 3-18 months.

I thought of inviting him to my place for dinner or doing his shopping and cleaning his flat.

We are not a couple but he is my late boyfriend's best friend.

I was going to cook Christmas Dinner last year but I had to cancel because of my acute anxiety getting in the way. I still feel guilty.

I phoned Macmillan and they said he qualifies for help.

We live in the UK.

[JanetteR57]

A worrying time and it's natural to not know what to do - if you already had plans to have him for a meal at Xmas, then inviting him wouldn't look like a response to his diagnosis/situation which he may struggle with... talk to him and ask him how he's feeling, listen, give him space - many lung cancer patients appear fit and well despite what's going on inside their bodies and he may still be processing the news himself. I found a book 'what can I do to help? by Deborah Hutton immensely helpful for such situations. just being there for him is important so let him know that and if he's ready to talk, let him and if he's not, accept that too and treat him as you would have done previously - normality is what many crave at such times... good luck.

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

Helping him clean his flat and doing some shopping are two of the most helpful things I can think of. If you have an auto you could offer to take him to an appointment.

[Chase888 in reply to Denzie]

Thanks Denzie

I am a bit confused because I offered to go to the hospital and he said his friend (who he was always complaining about) was going with him.

I was supposed to cook Christmas Dinner but had to cancel and he left a message calling me 'useless'.

He kept apologising.

I made Kevin 4 pints of Whey protein shakes and took them to the door. He wouldn't let me in his flat saying it was a state. He has also told me that his friend has been sending nasty texts calling him a smelly ....... and that he is an idiot.

I have said more than once before the cancer why do you bother with him?

Anyway, I feel OK today and hopefully will cook Sunday dinner.

I will call him in 2 hours and fingers crossed I can do this.

The hospital is near so no problem for Kevin to get the bus.

I am going to try today.

He qualifies for help from social services but he said no.

Anyway, thank you for replying Denzie. Love and hugs

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer in reply to Chase888]

Sometimes survivors just don't want others to know or to care and will say or do things to scare us off. Check back with him in a week or two, just ask if there's anything he needs done.

[Chase888 in reply to Denzie]

Hello Denzie I can't sleep which is good as I am sorting out stuff.

Kevin said how nice of me to offer dinner. He was going out to earn a bit of money (Street trading).

He made £110.00.

Many people haven't heard of Street trading. I never thought about it until I met Charlie. (my late boyfriend).

It used to be a great money earner years ago but now with cameras and trading standards plus other people saying "you're working my pitch".

And you need 2 different licences which my Charlie never had. Denzie, I know I'm changing the subject.

Kevin is going to the hospital on 7th June and his sister is going with him. So maybe I will meet them afterwards or invite them to my place.

Anyway, thank you Denzie for your reply.

Love and hugs 🤗