It’s been a while since I rocked back and forth to calm myself ...

[Starrlight]

I’m in anxious mode and seems no logic is working on my stubborn brain

Trying to take one moment at a time

Sat in the sun

I’m watching my thinking trying to only think positives

Deep breathing

Distracting by watching a movie

I have ended up rocking back and forth to calm myself but in doing so I scared myself because it just seems so strange of a thing to feel the need to do

I feel no confidence or worth right now but shame and guilt but why I am not trying to be this way who would choose to differ so? so I’m trying to be practicing self compassion

I pray for this wave to end soon

Thanks for reading

I’m forcing myself to go out into nature now hopefully that will help at least my soul... ❤️

[Dorsey]

Hi starrlight sorry you are suffering a long with the rest of us. It's terrible what we go through. Not a day goes by that i feel normal. The physical symptoms never go away. Since i lost my son four weeks ago my anxiety is even worse. But we can only stay strong and hope for better days to come. Sending hugs take care.X

[Starrlight in reply to Dorsey]

Dorsey

Thanks for replying. I’m sorry you go through it too. I find some peace in that the worst of it seems to come in waves so for me I do have times when i get somewhat of a break.

What do you mean you lost your son? Whatever the case I can only imagine how rough it is..do you want to talk about it? I’m here for you any time. ❤️

[Dorsey in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks Startlught my son passed awsy on the 8th February after a battle with cancer very sad but at least i got to hold him as he left us. X

[Starrlight in reply to Dorsey]

❤️ ((((((((((((((Dorsey))))))))))))) ❤️ I send you this hug with love wrapped around it. I am so very sorry for your loss.

[Dorsey in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you.X

[Hidden in reply to Dorsey]

Dorsey , I have just seen this reply you have sent to Starrlight and I am so very sorry to hear this sad news

No parent expects to be saying goodbye to their child first and this is the worse thing I can imagine a parent has to go through

Stay strong and my thoughts are with you at such a difficult time x

Not sure if you will have found or knew this Community was on Health Unlocked but I will put you the link for you to have a look as it may be of some support to you x

healthunlocked.com/bereavem...

[Hidden]

Hello

Rocking back and forth is not the worse thing you can do if it helps calm you and if it calmed me I would do it

You always try your best and I admire you for that , you are so strong even though I know you don't always feel you are but I read your posts and I see it

Hope you have a great weekend as you deserve it

Take Care x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

((((((Lulu)))))) Hi!!!!!! It’s good to read you! Thank you for those compliments. I see your strength as well. Even when you suffer terribly you are so kind and giving and are smart in your responses. You can be counted on to help ease others’ pain. I think you have a gift.

Im having a rough time because of the Coronavirus causing the closing of schools and I’m hoping I can teach and use technology with my kids to continue online learning during the time. I’m not great with technology and I don’t yet know what the teachers expect of us. I am trying to stay calm and believe things will become more clear and fall into place.

How are you today?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Hello

Remember , lot's of Schools will be closing and lot's of parents are not great with technology , so don't give yourself a tough time over that , you won't be the only one and if I had young children still well I would be lost with it all for sure ! But there are different ways you can teach them in life's lessons without all this technology and I am sure you will

I am having a dreadful day to be honest , since this pneumonia I do not cope at weekends at all , it all happened at a weekend and the fear overwhelms me now when it comes to this part of the week and I really do struggle

I woke up with like a panic attack which I am getting a lot of and then I started going hot and then I thought I had the dreaded virus

Got myself in a right state and made hubby go and get a thermometer , reading at the moment is ok , but I am not sure me having one is a good thing or not because I try and stay clear of these things as I become obsessed taking readings , so I am really in a bad place which I don't often admit but I have to now as I have been hanging on suffering

Get those arts and crafts out , teach them about nature and do things like cooking , those life skills will be just as good as all the other stuff if not better x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

We painted rocks today They had fun and so did I. We will go to a park maybe tomorrow and place them about for someone to find.

I’m so sorry how I want to lift your pain up and away from you I wish I could protect you. It will all work itself out. You will be healing. I really think so sometimes but then other times I know it’s not good enough trying to believe that, things seem bleak often. I’m living minute by minute trying to survive and I feel like I’m loosing it. Sorry if my writing seems a little weird It’s just that I’m really struggling to be sane right now.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I know how you feel and never be sorry , I feel the same my words are coming out all wrong and when I write to , I think it is when these anxious minds are in full mode

That is also exactly how I feel to that I am living minute by minute and feel I could loose it any minute and hanging on , it is an awful place to be

Sounds like as always you are giving your kids a fun time because despite what you think you are a great Mum x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Brings me joy and relief to have you remind me that I’m a great mom. We did a science experiment for the third time for school for my 6th grader. It helps getting things accomplished. Still, I’m barely hanging on over here...how about you Lulu?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Really struggling my friend , it has been an awful day and now it is evening my anxiety get's even worse

I wake up every morning having panic attacks as well now which are awful to wake up to !

O you have been busy and doing that takes some doing when you are suffering , you really should give yourself more credit for all you do x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I wish I could sit down with you right now and share the Kava stress relief tea... even though it’s not full magic, but it’s something... I’m so sorry about the panic attacks in morning and that it gets worse in the evening. I’m here with you holding your hand throughout it all. P.s. don’t forget to deep breathe

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I wish we could sit together to , drinking the tea but we know we are a message away which is a comfort x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

True ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Checking in to say hi

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Bless you

Hi ....sat worrying keep reading the paper on line big mistake and it will soon be time for me to go in the shower which gives me dreadful flash backs to last year and makes me feel I can't breath so where I used to love having a shower I hate it now

Hope you are feeling as good as you can be x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Oh flashbacks can be horrid. I hear you I also have shower anxiety since my hair was falling out in large clumps and I felt helpless. Wow I’m sorry that sounds very rough to have trouble breathing. Are there any breathing exercises to help or would that make it worse? Best to you always ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I totally understand why showers would have done that to you , it is horrible , no one knows d they just how it feels

To be honest with you when I came out the hospital last year , I was told I had to rest for at least 3 months , it was bad , but I made a massive mistake and through the fear I have not been as active as I should and so therefore my lungs and the rest of me have not really got as strong as they should have , but in about 6 weeks I am getting some support to get me moving again and so hopefully fitter again

Having said that we have been trying to get support for a year now and just my luck strangers will be wanting to come in when this virus is about and having massive ocd that is going to be so hard for me

Sometimes I think I just can't get a break and something positive happening without something coming along to turn it into a fear , I am sure you will know what I am trying to say

Good news is I am showered , and all nice and clean x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Strength wishes to you! It will come back to you in time I think.

I hear you I feel like there’s always something to fear. Having people come to help is so good but then there’s that worry of contamination. No matter what good comes up it seems it’s tainted by ocd and anxiety wondering what is the worst that can happen and then thinking it will.

I’m doing deep breathing right now. Woke up panicking. I’m sending peace and love moments of joy to you ((((( ☮️ ((((((( ❤️ ((((((((( ☀️ (((((((

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Hello

Always lovely to know you are about and read your replies

Spot on with the vicious circle of worry !

I am sorry you woke up panicking , that has been happening to me so much these last few months it is the worse feeling ever when you are half asleep and wake to a panic attack , I would rather have one in the day than when I am half asleep

I now have n upset stomach but don't tell anyone I have toilet roll

How long for I don't know as we are nearly all out of them in the supermarkets !

Hope those breathing exercises help and your day gets better as it goes along x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Lol Lulu glad you have toilet rolls. Here have some ginger drink 🍸 it will soothe your stomach.

Thanks I hope it will get easier as I feel like I’m teetering on top of a jagged rock ready to fall over the cliff. My mind just ain’t right today so far.

Went out early going out again to get the kids some Oreo slush at a tea shop down the road.

Seeing them happy will hopefully ease my anxiety pain.

How was are you doing now Lulu?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Hi

I know that feeling I always say I feel I am hanging on the edge of a cliff and about to fall , it is awful I know

Not doing well just panicking myself , worn out with it and all this virus thing is frightening me so much

Have you many cases or have they put any restrictions on you all yet ?

Your kids will love that slush so hopefully you will be feeling happier x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I have been decreasing my medication Zyprexa for the last two days but I realize my body/mind is not handling it well at all feeling extra weird so I decided to go back to my regular dose tonight. Just thinking about the possibility of feeling better makes me more relaxed.

It was fun. My youngest ordered the slushes for the two of them and they are loving it and yes it makes me happy.

The virus is making me very nervous too. And we live with my parents so I hope they will be okay being elderly.

They closed our county schools. Not sure about cases around here. How about where you are?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

O I want a slush

Yes it is a worry about the virus , the UK as a whole has 1, 372 cases and 35 deaths , they are predicting the next two weeks are going to get so much worse

They are now saying over 70's have to stay in for 4 months , all big events cancelled but Schools still open

Where I am in the UK there has been 7 cases , no deaths and the town I live in so far no cases as yet but you just feel you are holding your breath waiting for that to change all the time

And guess what they have moved the Queen and hubby from the palace but they are 93 and 98 I think is right so they have to keep them safe , I expect they will still get afternoon tea and cucumber sandwiches though

I had a tooth pulled on Thursday and the surrounding area is really hurting I think she took all the nerves with it !

You are doing the right thing going back to your normal dose of meds , you gave it a try but if it is making you feel worse best sticking to what you were on x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

My father, 81, is still attending church but is sitting far from others.

No matter how much I get out of the house I feel trapped, disconnected.

Oh I’m sorry about your tooth ... you really should come over and we will get you a slush for that. While we’re at it would you also like cucumber sandwiches?

I’m surprised that your schools are still open. I don’t know what the schools expect us to do yet in terms of getting and sending assignments and it’s making me so anxious but in time we will get a better idea I hope. I just feel like everything is screwed up right now. I feel like I should be enjoying it like a vacation but it’s always raining here so not wanting to hike and take walks ya know. And I wonder what will be left of the kids’ summer break later on.

I think we are strong. We have to remember that we will get through this like we always have gotten through before. Let’s not let the depression or anxiety tells us lies.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

O bless your Dad

I have no clue why are schools are still open , they are saying children are not likely to spread it and if the shut them what will parents do that need to work

We have a new Prime Minister who for ages just told us all to wash our hands 20 seconds regular and sing Happy Birthday twice while doing so

I do have concerns that he knows what he is doing

Not keen on cucumber to be honest , it repeats on me but don't tell the Queen will you

That is how anxiety is , I remember when I cold still get out , I was out but felt I was not there , horrible feeling !

Don't be worrying about these assignments , I know you are doing your best and if they say anything when they go back , stay calm and say do you know why you are a teacher , teaching my kids ? and then say because Im not or I would be doing your job

We have done our best and that's good enough ! x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

You are so cool, Lulu. You just helped me to take a deep breathe and relax a bit.

Hmmm children are the BEST at spreading, lol 😆

What are you up to today?

I don’t know what I’m up to just can chill; going from thing to thing that arises and I’m exhausted and it’s only 2:00 pm feels like time to sleep already.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Slightly drugged up on pain killers and to be honest just having a sloppy do not a lot day which if you asked my hubby he would say well that is a normal day for you then x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Awww 🥰 poor you I’m glad you are not in pain at least.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I am I can still feel it though I am drugged up , shall maybe phone tomorrow if no better and see what she has to say , it could be that I am really sensitive and it has upset all the nerves and needs time to settle , hope so I could not deal with anything else x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Oh you are still in pain. From my experience with such things it does still hurt even with the strong meds. I hear your concern. I hope you will get all the answers you need.

I just spent so long trying to print from a tablet and no matter what I do i can’t get it to work. I also got a notice that an email for schoolwork never went through.

I’m feeling suicidal right now. There’s just too much going wrong In life and I just can’t keep doing this. I just am hating myself and feeling so weak,... I feel like my family doesn’t like me. I feel my friend don’t like me. I am isolating except for in here as it feels safer.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

When we re down we feel no one likes us and it is because we don't like ourselves at that moment and we become paranoid , I am sure they do it is because you are feeling so low

I feel the same to , dealing with the worry of pneumonia , my health in general , waking with panic attacks this virus , worrying over the pain it makes me feel why bother any more , but we have to , we are here for a reason

Maybe put today down and think O well did my best didn't go the way I wanted it to , but I am having a break and will start again tomorrow and see what that brings but whatever it does I will deal with it

Dont worry about that School , send it of again , they are the least of your problems and who knows that message could be an error on their side they could be drugged up on painkillers to x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

You are the best Lulu! Thanks for being you. We are here for a reason yes I think you are right and I feel guilt over wanting to leave too soon. My husband tells me to focus on stuff that doesn’t matter... which is good advice... but I can’t seem to so far... I am sending you good vibes((((((((((((( and a gentle ((((((((hug)))))))) I hope we both get a break soon. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Dreaded shower time for me now

Your husband is right , mine comes out with all the right things you should think and do and that is where been able to come on here helps because only us that suffer know our brains just don't easily think that way

Try and get some you time now and give yourself some care , we give ourselves a tough time , take some time of now for you x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Hoping you’re shower goes okay. I think I will take some me time before I sleep this day away. You’re right we can give ourselves a tough time. You be good to yourself.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Shower done and now you relax :-)x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

P.s: How do we stop panicking? I’m trying to distract myself by watching shows but I’m still stressed. There is so much uncertainty.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Wish I had the answer to that one my friend , I am just the same I can be watching something and worrying at the same time ! x

[MidnightBriarRose]

Oh, Starrlight! I am so sorry you are going through so much right now! I am, too! I hope you are feeling better than you were. Please PM me if I can be of help to you in any way! I miss chatting with you! Wishing you peace, serenity and love, my friend!!! 💗✨💖✨💗

[Starrlight in reply to MidnightBriarRose]

❤️

[Starrlight in reply to MidnightBriarRose]

How are you doing now MidnightBriarRose? ❤️

[MidnightBriarRose in reply to Starrlight]

I'm doing better than i was, as I am starting to move my sleep schedule up to earlier hours. I'm not where i want to be yet, but it's a work in progress. Thank you for asking, my friend! 💖

[Starrlight in reply to MidnightBriarRose]

That’s great and best to you! ✨ 🌙