Living with health anxiety

[lettingoffsteam]

Hi all, I've struggled with anxiety all my life and I've had three periods in my life where I've ground to a halt as a result.I am currently in one of these phases having been diagnosed with volcanic level blood pressure in March.I am struggling with the medications as I get every side effect plus I am very anxious and depressed as this has caused some mild heart damage as well. I'm trying CBT and meditation but every day is a struggle.Friends and family have grown tired of my constant feelings of panic and of course it doesn't help the bp either.I wish I could climb out of this pit of despair.

[Hidden]

Hello

I see you must have had a bad day and needed to post and that is the right thing to do

I had to reply but I know there are so many with Health Anxiety that will join in as it is such a shame if we don't share how we feel and deal with it as the Community is here to support or should be and supporting someone can be simply letting them know you feel the same way to , we don't always have the answers but knowing we are not alone can help so much

I started with Health Anxiety when I was really young , I think it was when I lost a Uncle I loved so much , it set a seed and it just grew till I focused in on my health so much I wasted so many years enjoying life because I was to wrapped up worrying about my health !

Then as you get older as expected sometimes things can go wrong with our health and for me I think that just made in a way me justifying all the years when I was younger worrying about it !

I know your worries and to be honest I have had a dreadful day to , different health worries I know and I can imagine as I have done before thinking I wish I only had that and not what I have got but health anxiety does not care what you have it still gives you that same overwhelming fear , still gives you all those negative thoughts and that fear like no other

You wake up and fear , you spend every day fearing and night time comes and the fear is still there which is anxiety keeping a hold of us !

I am not so sure if friends / family get fed up of us or just do not know what to say anymore to try and help as they do not understand how this feels as they do not suffer , but I like you have family around me yet can feel so lonely and on my own trying to cope

I am having Counselling after all these years and it has been 3 months some days I think O no it is not working but it is not a quick fix , nothing is but that is not to say over time it won't improve because it will

Try and take on board what you talk about , jot down the things that help in the conversations so you can look back on them when you feel as you do

If a could wave a magic wand and make your Health anxiety go away I would but we know that is not possible

Try and start to trust your Doctors , I know not easy but try , as long as we keep trying there is always hope that we will improve

Tomorrow is another day and I hope it will be a better one for you where you can start to take control over this awful anxiety

Try and get the best nights rest you can as lack of sleep does not help the way we think

Take Care x

[lettingoffsteam in reply to Hidden]

Thank you lulu-1.Yes I did have a bad day with a long lasting dose of palpitations coming on in the early afternoon.I have propanolol to take if I need it but I try not to but this time I took it.I don't know whether it was anxiety related or heart related but it was uncomfortable. I think I need more meds.I was on a higher dose but my GP cut it as my readings were quite low but on this new dose there is no buffer for anxious days which I don't like.Thing is my GP wanted to lower my dose due to the side effects. I will probably change meds soon anyway.GP visit in the morning so I will discuss it with her.I am fed up of never feeling my normal safe and the millstone of anxiety that I carry.My son was very supportive today so that was good.Hope you have a good day tomorrow. 🙂

[Hidden in reply to lettingoffsteam]

Well I had really bad palpitations at tea time and I know it was anxiety , I bet yours was to

Focus on that appointment tomorrow , maybe jot down what you want to say and is worrying you so you don't forget , be honest with her so you can get all the support you need

Let us know how you get on x

[lettingoffsteam in reply to Hidden]

Thanks lulu-1, I will.

[Arlene99 in reply to Hidden]

Hi......this post just sums up exactly how my life has been going. Health anxiety kicked in at a very early age.....then I lost my Mum to cancer when I was only 13 and it has been a constant battle. I do have spells when I think I have overcome it, but unfortunately it rears it ugly head again. I’m just trying with the help of meds ( & support from the fantastic people on this site) to do my best to live with it. Enjoyed reading ur post & I wish u all the best xx

[Hidden in reply to Arlene99]

Hello Arlene99

Nice to meet you

I can only imagine how loosing your Mum at such a young age must have affected you and no doubt the trigger for your Health Anxiety

I am pleased to hear that at times you get it under control , that is all good even if it does rear it's ugly head again , because you can build on that control until hopefully that ugly head gives in and stops tormenting you !

So please that you feel better having these Communities to help , I think it is such a relief even though we would not wish this on anyone but knowing you are not alone and people do understand how we feel does help

Hope today is a good one for you and you have a lovely weekend x

[lettingoffsteam in reply to Arlene99]

Thank you Arlene99 and I hope you find some relief from the nightmare that anxiety is.

[Amikatari]

Morning, lettingoffsteam, sending good wishes. I hope your GP appointment goes really well. Sorry to hear you're struggling so much with anxiety, it's so difficult.

I've struggled with anxiety most of my life, too, and I've found that propranolol doesn't help me with it. That said, I wouldn't hold off on taking it for symptoms like palpitations. But since there's no buffer for bad anxiety days with the dose that you're on and you're on a low dose because of side effects, might you consider trying an additional med to help with the anxiety? For example, some antidepressants are good for both anxiety and depression. I'm on one called sertraline, and it really helps my emotional state so that anxiety doesn't hit me as often and when it does, it's easier to deal with. I'm also on a mood stabilizer called lamotrigine, which makes my emotions - including anxiety - less extreme. And for bad days when I feel panicky, I've also got pregabalin, which can also be used to treat nerve pain and epilepsy, but has recently become a recognised anxiety treatment.

I'm not suggesting you'd need as many mental health meds as me - I've got several mental health diagnoses! - but it might well be worth talking to your doctor about approaching your anxiety from a mental health meds perspective, since you're suffering mentally and emotionally as a result of it.

I'm glad to hear you're trying CBT and meditation, do you find they're helping? It might also be worth looking into trauma-focused therapy - I think serious illness and especially major surgery can cause PTSD.

Sending hugs and thinking of you, I hope your appointment goes well xx

[lettingoffsteam in reply to Amikatari]

Thank you for your good wishes Amikatari, I'm still waiting to see the GP...25 minutes late.Doesn't help with the anxiety and someone ahead of me as well.I tried antidepressants years ago and they made my palpitations so bad I ended up being admitted to hospital.That's why I'm trying CBT. I'll let you know how I get on.

[Want2BHappy3]

Sorry for what you're going through, I can relate to this. I've been suffering with anxiety and depression off and on for about 36 years. I'm dealing with many different illnesses, diabetes, cholesterol, Macular Degeneration (a form of blindness). I had to retire early because of my anxiety and alot of debt. I haven't told my family about my illnesses, like you my family and friends don't want to hear about what's going on with me. I always pretend everything's fine. I don't think I'll be living to much longer? I'll be 65 in 4 months. Sometimes I don't care if I wake up? This isn't Living.

[lettingoffsteam in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Sorry you feel so bad Want2BHappy3, it's such a terrible condition and combined with my high blood pressure it's even worse.Not sure what can be done but I'm trying.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to lettingoffsteam]

Thanks for writing, all we can do is Try Right? Sometimes I don't Try, like tonight I ate tortilla chips negative carbs. I also suffer from insomnia. I live in California it's going to be 4 am, still early most days I don't go to sleep till about 8 or 9? This is also going to cut my Life short. Why can we fall asleep in the daytime but not night? Sleep is sleep right?

[lettingoffsteam in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Well I go to bed at the usual time but wake up after a couple of hours.

[lettingoffsteam]

OK so went to GP and waited ages which didn't do my anxiety much good.They finally had my 24 ecg trace results from April which showed the thickened heart (lvh) but only small changes ( echo scan said mild) and just a few arrhythmias but not enough to treat.She said my heart is basically fine and it's my anxiety that has given me chronic bp problems and the lvh.Hold on, all the checks I had before they told me were normal.If my bp was high why didn't they treat it rather than wait until it exploded at 244/133? No change to meds so have to grin and bear side effects until I can see the hypertension specialist..which could take months.All in all.I feel fobbed off and yet again everything is blamed on anxiety.Yes I have it...always have but why should I be blamed for that and if they know that they should be more on the ball with their treatment.Waiting for CBT could take months as well.What a fiasco and somehow I'm supposed to stay calm...hmm.Meditation class later...perhaps that will help because the NHS sure won't!!!😡😕

[Hidden in reply to lettingoffsteam]

Hello

Well seems like you have been and come back feeling frustrated and I know that feeling !

I also know that feeling when they have said it is anxiety and wanted to scream don't blame my anxiety but after years of suffering with anxiety 8/10 when I have looked back over the years they were actually right , it was my anxiety !

I only get annoyed now if I go with something wrong and they want to fob me of without carrying out tests to make sure nothing is wrong , so I would say that they have given you all the tests and even though you may not want to hear this you no doubt are feeling so bad because of the anxiety

It is mind blowing how ill anxiety can make you feel and it actually does make you feel physically ill as if something is really wrong , again it is years of suffering that I have now realised how ill my anxiety can make me feel , this water infection it is not great , I feel like rubbish but I know my Health anxiety will not be helping how I am feeling , how to stop it is another matter !

I also understand you feeling so annoyed that they did not treat your BP sooner

I am still working on the fact that I was so ill for 2 weeks , had the Doctor out and they kept telling me I had a virus and the next minute I was in resuscitation in A&E and they were telling my husband it was touch and go !

I spent months after feeling so angry , asking how the heck did they miss that especially when I was telling them I could not breath only a couple of days before , someone when I was ranting on about it ( yet again ) said they are human and sometimes even though they are Doctors can make errors , I did think well I suppose so but wish it had not been me they had made one on , but like the same person said , you have to forgive and forget otherwise it will keep screwing you up , I am still working on the forgiveness but I know I have to and just thank the Lord as we say , I pulled through despite the error

So try for your sake to put it to one side , you cannot change it , it happened and maybe it should not have but you have to look forward , keep looking back and you will just suffer , your Doctor won't feel a thing

I know you must feel down about having to stop on the same meds , but tell yourself , there was good news things have not got worse , sounds like they could be slowly improving so for now it sucks you have to take them but they are what are helping things to improve and in time you possibly will be able to swap them over once they are happy it is the right time and that time will come

Now I spent years trying to get Counselling on the NHS and I mean years , always had every door shut on me as they do not come to the house and my agoraphobia won't let me go to them till in the end I have had to pay and have Counselling private at home , it seems unfair but the only way I was ever going to get it having tried everything !

I know even when you can get to them the waiting time ( depending where you live ) can be really long and again when you need it now you feel like what is the point in keep trying but so many are waiting for CBT and they have a lack of Counsellors but you will get to the top of the list and it could be sooner , so don't despair , try and stay positive knowing that it is on it's way eventually

Day at a time and try and think this is quite good as I have not got any worse with my health so the only way is up x

[Amikatari in reply to Hidden]

Hi Lulu, i can relate to what you said about feeling angry for months that the doctors missed that you were critically ill. I have an anxiety diagnosis and the same happened to me.

It's left me wanting to try and change things, I'm not angry with individual doctors or wanting to go through the complaints process against them, as I think it's more of a problem with the system/the way doctors are trained/social attitudes and assumptions about mental health stuff/sexism.

I'm wondering how to go about it, right now, start a campaign, join an existing project (Time to Change did some experimental training for young doctors about attitudes towards people with mental health diagnoses, but it was a few years ago), start an 'our stories' website. I feel I need to use my near-death-due-to-medical-discrimination experience to try and do something.

I've got several friends with mental health diagnoses who've been fobbed off about their physical illness es and a colleague died due to this. I'm a member of a large Facebook mental health support group and so many of our members are living with long term painful physical health problems that their doctors invalidate and won't investigate.

Would you be interested in getting involved, if I can get anything off the ground, eg. sharing your story (anonymously?) if I start a website? Or would that get in the way of your efforts to move on from what happened?

[Hidden in reply to Amikatari]

Hello

I think it is a good idea but personally for me I am trying to move on and yes it would stop that from happening the way I work with my anxiety

The struggle I have now is trust in the Doctors which I am trying to build back up and if I focus on the mistake ( which I do ) it is really getting in the way of me building that trust back up and playing on my anxiety

But thank you for thinking about me x

[lettingoffsteam]

Thanks lulu-1 and I agree that I can make myself very ill with anxiety but I don't buy that it caused my bp to skyrocket from 130/80 to 244/133 in under two years...definitely something else going on there as well as anxiety.Anyway just need to wait to see the consultant to see if I can get any relief from the meds.Meanwhile, just back from meditation which was relaxing...see how long the effect lasts eh?😀Hope all improving with you.

[Hidden in reply to lettingoffsteam]

So pleased that has worked and you are feeling more relaxed , enjoy the feeling

I am very anxious this evening , think I should have come with you x

[lettingoffsteam in reply to Hidden]

Oh dear, sorry to hear that.Yes it helps for a while but I need to practise every day.Hope things improve.

[Amikatari in reply to lettingoffsteam]

Hey, would you be interested in getting involved in a campaign or sharing your story about doctors putting your physical symptoms down to anxiety? See my longer post to Lulu above X

[lettingoffsteam in reply to Amikatari]

I would definitely be interested, I'll take a look.

[Kitjay06]

Hi! I too have been struggling with health anxiety ever since 2017 on and off. It was triggered by food sensitivities and heart palpitations. Each time when I start feeling better, some old or new symptoms will appear and that will trigger another long episode. Dr recommended anti depressants but I have been avoiding it. You may try yoga, meditation, breathing techniques (pranayams), walks, journaling, prayers etc. There are some Helping Health Anxiety modules available online compiled by psychologists (just Google it, download, print and start working on it). It may help to break the vicious cycle of unhelpful thinking. There are plenty of affirmations and guided meditations available on YouTube to help you sleep better. You may follow Luke Countinho on Facebook who gives awesome lifestyle tips to manage several health conditions. All the best. You are not alone, we are all sailing in the same boat 😊

[lettingoffsteam]

Thanks for these helpful suggestions Kitjay I will follow them up.