suicide topic

[Starrlight]

My brother. In 97. Thinking of him a lot right now. I haven’t completely dealt with his death. I finally feel I miss him. Before I was putting forth effort to dodge the feelings/ pain yet getting hit anyway and now is time to heal.

[JEG325]

I lost my dad in '92 & my mom in '03. I can strongly sympathize with you, my good friend. But harming ourselves will not bring back our loved ones. The first thing you have to realize is that a world without you in it, is like God missing one of his Angels. What I mean is, that you have a beautiful family, a bunch of close friends & me. There is a near countless amount of good that you can accomplish with your life. What would God do if he lost an angel? How much good would be cancelled out by that? What if you weren't here? How much good would be cancelled out by that? The world absolutely needs a Starrlight in it. I know my world needs a Starright in it. So, hang tough, my friend. I'm with you all the way!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

sorry for your losses. I guess the only thing we can be certain of in this life is that we will die and death is a part of life. My world spins when I think too hard of it sometimes.

[Hidden]

Hey Starrlight , I’m sorry you’re struggling with grief at the moment 😔

It’s just the most awful thing to deal with isn’t it .. probably one of the worst thing.

You know one of the ways to grieve is denial and that’s probably what you’ve been feeling for so long ... So it’s okay and ‘normal’

😔 words I say won’t help you (I know that from experience) so here is a big big hug for you x

Just know you can always talk to us about this as much as you need to x we’ll never get tired of supporting you just the way you have supported me throughout my journey on here 💕

[EmbraceMyweirdness]

Dodging your feelings might not be the way to go, let yourself feel the hurt. It might be hypocritical of me i lost my grandmother and uncle on the same day last year i still haven't even cried. Im in that denial phase

[JEG325]

Oops, I missundrstood, my friend. I thought you were thinking about it. My bad. I just wanted you to know how precious you are and how strongly God is concerned for each precious life he places on this earth. I can still sympathize strongly, though. Having lost my parents roughly 10 or so years apart, I hadn't recovered from the first death when the second one slammed me. Losing family is tough no matter what. Remember your brother fondly. Think about all the good times you shared. Let it make you smile. Celebrate his life and try to be the sweet, helpful person he would want you to be. Okay? I write in honor of my dad. He encouraged me to read, write & seek knowledge. I do so everyday in his name. Do something in your brother's name too....Be safe & happy, my friend!!

[Starrlight]

I feel like I can’t really write what’s on my mind because the details are graphic in my mind of a violent nature.

I recall a positive. I once had a dream that he was in white with a white car all new and he was so happy, smiling and we were glad to laugh together.

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

That was awesome, my friend. It's clear you loved him a lot. That's a plus, not a negative. I am here for you if you need me. Okay?

[Florida1959]

Starlight my beautiful mate, you are bound to miss him, take comfort in the fact he was your brother, and he was lucky to have a sister as beautiful as you, loads hugs xxxxx

[Starrlight in reply to Florida1959]

(((((((((((((((((((Florida))))))))))))))))))) thank you so, lovely 😊

[newbie1956]

Yes, dear Star, it's time to heal...otherwise you will continue to suffer.

We need to remember that we all yearn to go back to before what hurts us happened. The important focus is to be confident that God is the Originator

and the Restorer of Life. We can look forward to and welcome that day.

It's a promise which sustains me.

God is keenly interested in our welfare and watches over us with loving concern. Here's something to offer much comfort to you ...

jw.org/en/publications/maga...

Agape

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

❤️

[Redfox9]

Hey Starrlight, idk if it's right to dodge feelings, let it come. Eventually you will be healed.

Always there for you

[Starrlight in reply to Redfox9]

Good advice

[Hidden]

Hello Starrlight

So sorry to hear this about your Brother

Sometimes I think when something is to painful to deal with somehow our minds and bodies know and so it get's pushed to the back but there comes a day eventually when we are ready to face that grief and the pain that comes with it , some do it straight away , some it can be years later , maybe your body and mind are strong enough now to go through the pain and you will be in a better position to cope

If you deal with it now or even wait longer if it is what feels right for you then there are no rules to when we should grief for someone or when , it is an individual experience but you know if you are ready you have so many friends on here that will be there to help you get through it

Not sure if you have seen this Community on Health Unlocked but it is a very helpful one it may be able to help you as well

Will pop the link on and you could always take a look

healthunlocked.com/bereavem...

Take Care x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

You are a wise person. I needed to hear that. I think I am strong now yet as these things come up I don’t want to be pushed back into a miserable place. I need to say certain things do they stop bothering me. Once I make peace with the memories I will heal. I don’t know who to talk to about this stuff. It’s really a lot and I don’t want to disturb someone. I may have to go back into therapy.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I always think when something is playing on our minds more than it is not playing on them it is a sure sign we are ready and need to deal with whatever it is

There is a saying

No Pain , No Gain !

Sometimes we have to go through the pain to reap the benefits and from what you are saying it will be painful but that pain will help you heal

I am not religious and won't start quoting God and all that as I don't think this is the place to do it however there is one little prayer I always say that the words make sense and am sure you know it but it is

God Grant me the Serenity

To Accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference

I always find saying that in my head helps me

Always here to listen when you need a listening ear my friend x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

(((((((Lulu)))))) very helpful. I need to change the way I see my brother’s death. It happened and it’s over. He was a beautiful soul who always tried so hard and he gave his all but he felt overwhelmed and thought he could not escape the pain any other way. He was so close to me. But it was not my fault. He chose. I chose to look at him when the cops came to the house. Our mother found him. I had to go in that room because he is my younger brother. I always looked out for him. Well the sight of him changed me forever. I can’t get it out of my head but maybe the shock of it will get easier on me as the memory may fade I think and as I’m stronger. Ok death is a reality it isn’t pretty yet it’s not always a bad thing. It’s part of the life cycle. And no one knows where we go but we can hope and wonder if it is better than this place.

These days since, when I see anything hanging like wires in an unfinished house or my kids swinging by rope tied to the tree I see an imagine of my brother. I wish I could describe the parts that shocked me and made it so hard to sleep for many years but it’s too disturbing. I’m stronger now and I will not let the image shock any longer. It is what it is and I cannot change it but I can look at it in a hopeful way as I hope he is safe and at peace and maybe I’ll see him some day again. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Hello

Starrlight if I am never quite sure about things there is one thing I am 100% sure about and that is it was not your fault and you was not responsible for what your brother did , he must have been in so much pain and yes it was his choice and when people get that bad no one or nothing regretfully will stop them from taking their own life and if there is a God not even God can stop them , you have to truly stop thinking or blaming yourself but try and find comfort in you did all you could and your brother is no longer suffering

The images and flash backs , I have witnessed things in life that have left their mark and can get images and flash backs and I know they are so unpleasant , the way I cope is as soon as they come in my mind I dismiss them and I do not hold on or dwell on them , accepting that trauma creates this to happen but if you can try and over ride them they will not be as powerful

I try and swap any unpleasant images with happier one's

OK I know this is not the same but still , I went and saw my Grandma when she died and for a long time all I could see was that image of her , so eventually every time that image came in my head I would swap it for a happy image of her like when I was young and I put lots of elastic bands in her hair because I was pretending to be a hairdresser ( as you do as a kid )

I am not sure if this will help but try and gather as many happy images and times you had with your brother and when those painful images happen try and swap it for a happy one x

[Starrlight]

Perfect Lulu. How perfect. I will swap omg! I just chuckled recalling him stacking little blocks on my son as he slept. He was a funny guy. Thanks i will use the happy memories. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Try and focus as much as you can on them

You know we are here if you need to talk x