A rant writing

[Starrlight]

I am not liking myself today. My little one just now called me beautiful and all that sweetness well he lit me up just looking at his gorgeous eyes his pink lips and giving heart. But I still am not impressed by myself as I am him; it’s hard to see and take any credit for the good I’ve attempted and even succeeded at. I stare mostly at the things I see as ugly or not good enough. I try to look away. I see some balance has come accidentally and shown to be boring until I slip on its tail and off into the darkness of its mouth below before I fall I shake and as I spill I brake. I can’t help but wish I’d gone the other way where worries don’t matter because you’re always on top, always there’s another opportunity and gifts everywhere and you do the right things at least in my mind; an escape, evasion, a manic story I would make. But instead I sit waiting for the next thing to wake me up.

[Florida1959]

I wish you could see what I see in you, never even met you, but think you are smart, funny, talented, beautiful, so quit the horrible feelings, and accept your child says you are beautiful then you are xxx❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Florida1959]

Ha I should accept it thank you you are right Florida!!!I don’t know I am so blessed logically my friend I should be happy right?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Yep!..I won't stop saying it..but you are beautiful starlight..I agree with Florida..

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Haha what would I do without my Florida and Ellinaki!?!

[Florida1959 in reply to Starrlight]

We are fab, aren’t we ellinaki, xxxxx

[mrmonk]

Though I've always contended there was no such animal, your writing makes me want to believe in that mythical beast called a prose poem -- such unrest couched in your gorgeous, poetic language! Lovely writing, lovely spirit.

And I think you're blessed with a perceptive little boy. "Out of the mouths of babes..."

[Starrlight in reply to mrmonk]

Thsnk you soooooooo much Mrmonk! How are you?

[mrmonk in reply to Starrlight]

You're so very welcome! I'm no worse for wear at the moment. How are you doing now?

[Starrlight in reply to mrmonk]

I feel on edge like something may push me over but better than before because I am determined to focus on the beautiful. ❤️

[puglove0093]

I am so sorry! I know how discouraging and devastating these feelings can be!! I struggle with anxiety, and I have been down that slippery path your mind can lead you to. Have you gone to a counselor? Or a doctor? I would see one/both to see if maybe there is a therapy/medicine you could try? Sometimes it's chemical/not our fault that our minds wander and make us feel horrible. I am praying for you to find joy/relief!

[Starrlight in reply to puglove0093]

Thanks puglove I just am so done right now. I’m so tired but I know I have to ploughing through.hope you are well.

[puglove0093 in reply to Starrlight]

Things will get better, I know! I have struggled a long time with anxiety and I have seen darkness for awhile, but now I am in the light. I am well, and hope you are, too!

[Starrlight]

I am happy for you. I am caught in between the light and darkness but feeling so uncomfortable to the point I can’t consentrate. Yes things will get better!