Really bad morning.

[EleanorRose]

Sorry to post so soon after my last post. My anxiety is always worse in the mornings but today it’s almost unbearable. I woke up super early, having not been able to fall asleep last night. I am terrified I have skin cancer but even more terrified of the doctors. Now I am even dreaming about skin cancer. It is my every thought. All I want to do is be asleep as it’s the only time I am vaguely calm. I just want my ‘normal’ , uninteresting life back. I cannot do ANYTHING without being plagued with thoughts of cancer and death.

[Hidden]

Morning EleanorRose

Firstly you never have to say sorry for posting no matter how often you need to post that is what the Community is for

So we spoke yesterday and you know how I relate to you , I am going through a rough patch with my HA and have been for a while , in fact mine rears it's ugly head when I am stressed ( which I am ) or when something has happened ( like I lost my Dad a couple of years ago ) and since then yes my HA has started focusing on cancer to

I am swapping from 3 different kinds though ( I can never just do one )

First two are bowel cancer , then breast cancer and yes like I said to you I have had a go with the mole cancer to and I know exactly how this takes up every waking thought and I know that feeling that you are relieved to go to sleep because it feels like the only part of the day or night you get a break from it as it is so exhausting !

But I also know there are certain things we Have to do otherwise this will just get worse and worse till we get to breaking point

And yes it is to see a Doctor

Now I know how this fear feels to , you sit and wonder which fear is the worse , what your HA is telling you or having as our heads say a Doctor confirm our worse fears but we have to tell ourselves what if and the chances are so much higher that they say , nope everything is fine there is nothing wrong , imagine that relief you would feel

Also in the end when I have put myself through so much pain worrying and I do I have to ask myself , if there is something wrong would it not be better that I let them get me treatment as the odds are so much higher with early intervention than sat here worrying myself and maybe leaving something to late ?

Yes it does scare the you know what out of me but it is the truth , my fear as well is I am agoraphobic so going to see the doctor is another challenge as well as the fear she may refer me somewhere else , but I do it in the end because I no there is no other choice

You need to see the Doctor ( not because I think you have cancer ) but because I know how very ill you are making yourself

Tell yourself , that going to see the Doctor will feel like the worse anxiety ever but it will be over in a hour at the most where staying as you are worrying is going to go on & on & on , so would it not be better just coping with that hour of fear rather than days and weeks and months of feeling as you do now ?

Pick up that phone , make that appointment and we will be with you every step of the way , you can do this , you anxiety is saying you can't as that is how it keeps control but show it you can and get some peace of mind you deserve that much for yourself

Take Care x

[Hidden]

Hi EleanorRose ~ that's what this community is all about to give you support when you need it. Whether it's once a day once a month or once a year!! Have you got someone who would visit the doctors with you? Sometimes that can help ~ or request a phone consultation first ~ just to ease you in talking to a doctor or may be practice nurse if that would make you feel more comfortable just talking over the phone

You are getting yourself into a right state here ~ in all honesty ~ this is Anxiety taking over. As lulu has given you some really good advice ~ pick up the phone, explain your fears ~ and may be that may just help you.

Visit here as much as you like for a chat ~we are here for you !!🙂xx

[Ellie34]

Hi EleanorRose

Sorry to hear things are getting worse for you. Once anxiety takes its hold it is very hard to change as we all know.

I know it’s easy to give advice and not so easy to do - but I would agree with Lulu.

With the experience I had with all the worry I put myself through and weeks of torture it took 3 mins to be told there was nothing to worry about. I understand it’s not that easy to do as it is to give the advice, but I truly hope that you will find a way to go and put your mind at rest. Once you have taken that step it may also open new ways for you to try and slowly gain some control back and not suffer the way that you are.

I wish you all the best and hope you can find some peace. ❤️

[Hidden]

Hello EleanorRose

Nothing worse than having poor or little sleep. It's good you can recognise when your anxiety is worse. Your anxiety levels seem to be of the charts. You seem to be in a 'right pickle' with this preoccupation of having skin cancer. I can relate to wanting you old life back. You may have to revisit what the initial trigger was with a 'counsellor' to break the cycle.

You probably aren't going to 'Thank me' but visiting your Doctor is the best solution as they can help you access various forms of treatment. They have heard it all before. You can request a chaperone at the surgery if you'd prefer some anonymity.

Keep safe.

[EleanorRose]

Thank you Hidden , Hidden , Ellie34 and Hidden for your kind replies to my post the other morning. I did read them at the time but haven’t felt up to replying since. I am feeling more positive today though. Hope you all have good days

[Hidden in reply to EleanorRose]

Hello EleanorRose

That is good to hear that you are feeling more positive

Has anything happened that has made you feel this way ?

I hope it long continues and if you need a chat you know where we are

Take Care x

[Ellie34 in reply to EleanorRose]

I am glad that you are feeling a little more positive. I hope that it can continue for you. As Lulu said the lovely people on this forum will always be able to support you when you feel you need it 😘

[Hidden]

It takes time to digest comments. Good to hear you're in a more positive frame of mind.