Just wanted to talk

[Icanbeathis2016]

Hello all. I am not new to this forum but I usually post on the other community. But I thought I'd stop over and say hello and give some insight on my journey with anxiety. Ive been dealing with it for almost three years now. Got through it a couple of times to where I felt myself again. Felt free. But then I fell back in that dark hole again.

My last trigger this particular time came from me having an allergic reaction put of nowhere. Ive never had one ever in my life and I didn't eat anything no different than Ive ever eaten before. Even though it wasnt a severe reaction it was mild I broke out in hives and was itchy and had burning itch for a few days. But still it frightened me because I had never expected or experienced this before. So my mind went to all kinds of bad thoughts and thinking the worst. I did not eat normal for about five days. And now it has caused me to be afraid to eat because Im scared Ill have an allergic reaction again. This anxiety has kept me captive mentally and it manifests itself to many levels as it keeps the fear cycle going by any means necessary. I say that because Ive transitioned to so many different fears throughout the course of having anxiety. First it was fear of death(which that wont leave), then it became fear of my health(which it wont leave), then it became fear of things that can harm me like foods, anything in the environment that I once before would have ignored, then it became fear of getting sick(vomiting, any kind of sickness) when I once could get sick, take medicine for it and keep it moving. Now Im even scared to take medicine for anything. Now its fear of foods that are making us sick and we dont know it. So now Im scared to eat foods that I once would eat with no problem. I never had an issue with eating. Never and appetite problem. And then my newest fear is that I will actually worry or stress myself to death. Literally.

And Ive probably had every anxiety symptoms you can name or imagine. But every time it comes back on me it seems to feel like new all over again and seems to find new symptoms to keep me afraid. I pray, I cry, and pray more. Yes prayer has brought me a long way. But I'd be lying if I said I don't still worry and feel afraid thinking the worst and thinking I'm dying.

I dont take any meds. I tried it once last year for 45 days and quit taking it because it wasnt helping me at the time. And I am trying still to get through this naturally. Its very hard.

Right now as of this day, I have had a few better days that weren't so bad mentally or physically which I try to use that to say its all anxiety but ofcourse I still think the worst. Ive gained some what of my appetite back. After having that allergic reaction about a month ago. So Im trying to get my appetite back rolling. Every time my anxiety gets bad it destroys my appetite and I have upset stomach, acid reflux, burning gut, and harldy eat. I lose weight. And then struggle to get it back. So thats what Im fighting with now is getting my appetite back strong. So I dont continue losing weight.

Anybody can relate, feel free to respond. I wish us the best. 👋

[Hidden]

Hello & Welcome Icanbeathis2016

I am pleased that people are joining the Community even though is saddens me that we suffer from something that can be so debilitating which is anxiety

You may get stuck with just my reply also as for some reason that I cannot understand we do have an issue with members replying but better to get one reply than none and who knows you may get more eventually

You have experienced that you can overcome anxiety but what I have found over the years it can take just one thing to put fear in you for it to appear again as if it never left you

I see it as a little gremlin just sat there waiting , fed up that we have pushed it out of our life's and just waiting for that little gap where it can get back in again and create havoc and sounds like with that image this is what has happened to you

A allergic reaction happens so many times to so many people , a person that does not have anxiety would deal with it , feel better and move on an anxious person well they get better but then instead of moving on the anxiety has taken hold and then we feed the fear until what was one thing becomes a mountain !

When you get the negative thoughts , ask yourself other than the anxiety what evidence have you got that these thoughts have any truth in them at all , has a doctor told you that you are about to die ? have you been tested and told you have something really life threatening ? usually the answer is no and then it leads us right back to this is anxiety feeding us this information so it can keep that grip and hold over us and if we can accept that then the fear becomes less and the thoughts and fear do to

I understand not been keen on taking medication and your reasons why but if you feel you are really struggling then because they did not help once does not mean this time wouldn't and you could try something different to what you were on last time but see how you go first maybe and then you could speak with your Doctor if you feel you need to

I do relate to all your fears as so many will do so you are not on your own

Take Care x

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for replying. I do agree with you about the meds. Ive pondered so much about taking that step. Its so crazy how once before Id take medicine of any kind if I felt it would help. Now its like the hardest thing ever to do.

I really do think its fear trapped inside that makes our bodies do what its doing.

[Hidden in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Hello

I used to be exactly the same and now when you mention meds well I get in a right flap !

But saying that if needs be I will take them , I sometimes wonder if the anxiety tries to stop us taking them knowing we could just feel better and it will loose control

When I do have to take them though I tell myself it is just for today I will take one , that way it seems to stop the fear as I am in control knowing if I cannot push myself to take one the day after I don't have to but I always end up taking them if I stick to the day at a time method

Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on x

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Hidden]

Thats a good strategy to basically tell yourself one thing to help in anyway.

[Hidden in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Yes If we feel in control by doing this is makes the fear less and less fear is less anxiety x

[Funkyfaerie]

Hi,

Just wanted to say I am exactly the same with the drugs.

Firstly I want to beat it myself......I am scared of the side effects and think I might be worse, like dizzy or sick. So I don't take them, the amount I have thrown away.... And so I still suffer I wish I was brave enough, maybe I might feel better and when you feel better you start to stop concentrating on how you feel and panicking and maybe, just maybe start to have a normal life.

All I will take and it's only now and again is a 2mg Diazipam, but to be honest I don't feel much effect from it as I think it is such a small dose. And an anti sickness pill when the panic of nausea kicks in....

U drive myself crazy!