What's happening to me...

[Kris5]

I need to vent. I feel like I have hit rock bottom again. I am 25 years old, I have not been able to go to work because of my anxiety, I had to stop going to school again, I am extremely depressed, I just started taking Prozac 20 mg 3 days ago for my anxiety and depression. I also started taking Topamax 50 mg about a week ago and will increase to 75 mg for migraines and to lower my CSF fluid & I feel as though taking these 2 meds together is making me feel worse. I feel like I am in a dream. It is literally a struggle to lug my body around to do anything and when I do my anxiety just gets worse. I feel like everything looks foggy or like I'm not seeing things right. I feel like inside my emotions are screening but I can't say anything. I am on constant panic mode, I feel like I'm in a dream land. I feel like I am going to pass out or die at any minute(God forbid). When my mom talks to me I feel like she's not, or when I speak it's not really my voice, it's so hard to explain.

I am not sure how many of you have followed me or read/have read my posts(I have had anxiety and depression my whole life), about a year ago I developed the worst anxiety over a "situation" and I would never say what the "situation" was because I was to ashamed but I am tired of being ashamed because I already put myself through enough suffering and I need to just vent. I had an abortion. It was the worst mistake I could've ever made. I cannot even begin to try and explain the amount of utter pain I feel. Please DO NOT leave me rude or mean comments about what I did, I know what I did and no one can make me feel worse than I already do about this situation. I suffer everyday because of my choice and I believe my OCD, hypochondria, anxiety and depression is just at an all time EXTREME high ever since then. I live in fear of punishment. I live in fear of sickness, I live in fear of death, I live in fear of everything. I live in fear of living. This is not me. I am trying to get the correct help I need but right now as I lay in my bed, I feel hopeless, I feel so low, I feel like a loser. I feel like a failure to myself, my family, God, my child. I feel so overwhelmed with so many emotions. I just want to know I'm not alone. I just feel so so stuck.

[Kieronneill]

Kris5 1st thing is you are a good person who has been dealing with a lot all your life. An abortion is a hard decision to have to make but you must have made it at the time for good reasons. I hope you feel better soon and I know you probably keep hearing this but life will get better. As for feeling worse since taking new tablets I know exactly how you feel. I was changed from 1 lot of tablets to another as they weren't working, it felt like I had made a big mistake as I become really ill and the worst I had felt ever, but I said to myself no stick with them which I did and 3-4 weeks later I started to feel better. Again I hope you will be ok and take care.

[Jean32]

Hi Kris ,

I'm sorry to hear that your not doing well. I can totally understand where you are coming from. But here's something to think about. We ALL make mistakes. NO ONE is perfect. But Gods love for us is. I know it's hard to just zap away all of these emotions your feeling . But I'm glad your feeling these things. Have you prayed about what your feeling ? Always keep this in mind. Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price for ALL of our sins. He's felt every single pain your feeling right now. And your Heavenly Father knew that you were going to make mistakes in this life. But that is why he blessed us with the ability to be forgiven and to forgive. I know right now things seem so dark but just hold on things will get better . Pray to God ask for strength , and for the ability to learn how to forgive yourself and ask him for forgiveness. You are not a horrible person. You are so strong and always remember that.

Keep your head up ! Im here if you need to talk !

[emmajune]

Hi Kris,

Sorry to hear you're feeling rough right now.

Firstly, no, you're not alone. And whilst things probably feel really overwhelming at the moment, you will come out the other side. You're still here, you're reaching out, you're pushing on, you're getting there - that's not failure. That's strength.

You're going to be okay

Emma xx

[Wagtail]

No you are not alone,I often ask myself what do I do now. Options sometimes is too overwhelming. My voice doesn't sound the same either sometimes,well most times really. I hope you feel a lot better soon.

[snow-13]

Hey Kris5, how sad to know you feel this way. After everything you have come through God wants you to know he looks at you and loves you deeper than you could ever imagine. You don't need to do anything, he just simply loves you as you are today. You are never a failure to him, intact your very strong for al you have come through ..a warrior, intact a princess warrior but you need to be telling yourself the good things. You said the whole thing in one word FEAR..you live in fear of punishment ..no no no my friend. The punishment already has been put onto his son Jesus. If you only knew how much he loves you. Please please look on you tube at Joyce Meyer Moving beyond worry and anxiety. Please watch her videos.

Have you ever looked into disassociation , the dream thing you talk about could be a bit of this. Your so young and have so much to live for. God has a plan for your life and he does not want to punish you for anything ever. Other one is forgive me God by Joyce Meyer. I really feel you need to know this Kris5 and i know a lot of people won't like my post about God. Its not religion at all, it is a honest way for you to get through this. He wants you to know you deserve better. My son is 26 and honestly since he started looking up the Joyce Meyer and Steven Furtick things on you tube also Clayton Jennings. I do often say to people to look them up. My post is for you Kris5. I want to help in any way I can.

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus || Spoken Word by Jefferson Bethke.

Hillsong.. I surrender.

Kirs 5 honestly there are much better things ahead for you.... hugs Snow x

[Notalone8]

Hi hope your okay, I have to felt hopeless etc. You need to stop and start loving yourself again . Forgive those that hurt u and learn to love again. Find peace with the Lord it's really helped me , you need to find it and don't give up . I also grew up with anxiety depression as a kid . The youngest time I remember I had it was when I was 7 I felt horrible all the time and wouldn't tell anyone how I was feeling . I felt like I was dieing and felt hopeless at age 7 . I'm just thankful now I know what I have and I'm leaning to cope and live with it. Just remember we all make mistakes don't kill your self over that things happen for a reason you will be okay. Stop caring what ppl think and love yourself again and tell yourself that every morning. Hope you gain peace in your heart and never give up. Take care and bless you .