Advice please!

Hello, I'm new here but this site is amazing it's so nice not to feel so very alone. I'm posting to every community I follow because I couldn't decide which community to post this on as my problems are with IBS anxiety and depression. I could really use some advice from people who know how awful it is to feel like this.

I'll give you the cliff notes version to catch you up. Since I was six I've had really awful IBS-d, school was hell and I wasn't able to do all the things normal people do at that age because I was to ill with my IBS or because my anxiety about my IBS stopped me participating. I strruggled through school but with my IBS so bad I couldn't imagine how I'd manage a life after school and crippling anxiety of having to leave the house every day to go to uni or work. So after I finished school I got badly depressed and couldn't figure out how my life could work. I ended up not being able to leave parents house for a year and I mean at all...walking round the garden was the furthest I got... It was mortifying to admit I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. I pushed away every friend I had, except one, incase they found out how bad things had got.

Now a couple of years on I've made a lot of progress. I've started my own business and work from home and after over a year of putting myself through twice daily exposure therapy I am now able to get to the nearest town (my parent live in rural area) and get out of the car. So it's time for the next faze of my 'getting better'.

I'm attempting to move out of my parents house. I got the keys to my new house today. I can see myself being happy there. And the super market, doctors and shop/pubs cafes are a short walk away. So it perfect for starting the next faze of my of recovery. I'm looking into CBT and already have weekly therapy. I'm doing the thought diary and am on anti anxiety meds and IBS meds. I've written a plan for small steps for exposure from go into the house... Spend an hour there decorating...to... walk to the supermarket, so I'm all set with a plan. Ive been anxious and excited in equal measures about this which i think is good sign. But today going into the house I was massively anxious about all the people around me. I'm used to living where I can only see one other house. And my new house is terraced. I was recently asssed and diagnosed with IBS, social anxiety, panic disorder, depression. So I know dealing with other people is a cause of anxiety for me. I guess I'm just asking for some advice on how to get used to dealing with people again and especially neighbours. I'm terrified of what they might think of me and that they might try and start a conversation with me. Please anyone with some advice I'd really appreciate it. I do have good social skills when I'm not stressed at home but this new situation it's a terrifying prospect to be seen by anyone let alone talk to anyone. This is really causing me a lot of anxiety and worry and Im scared I won't be able to deal with feeling like this for long enough for me to get used to my neighbours! But I'm determined to succeed and really want to be happy there...it's so frustrating.

Sorry for the long post, thanks for listening x

5 Replies

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  • Very best of luck you have come so very far, lots of luck love and happiness in your new home you'll love it once you get settled in, just take it s day at a time, how are you now ???

  • Thank you for your encouragement and kindness.

    To catch you up...I'm still feeling quite overwhelmed but I've been to my new house everyday now since I got the keys, just for an hour or so to sort things out, and I'm already feeling the anxiety getting a little less. I managed to walk down to the bottom of the garden yesterday which I'd been too nervous to do until then and I'm managing to spend more and more time there each day too. It's such a relief to feel things getting a little easier each day, on the first day I was feeling such an unbearably high level of anxiety I think I was scared it wasn't going to go away ever, but now I'm feeling a little better everyday I'm able to relax and know that I'm going to (hopefully) continue to feel better every day.

    I haven't met any neighbours yet. On the first day they were having a dinner party and were quite loud, and I know it's crazy but it did scare me a bit, but since then I think they've been on holiday cos there's been no sign of them. I did get an odd look from a neighbour opposite but I think that was just because we had parked outside the house to unload stuff, and we're not really meant to do that. I'm trying not to read too much into it.

    Thank you again for caring and answering it means a lot xxx

  • I have only just found your reply sorry. Oh that's great news, it doing REALLY well and should be very PROUD of yourself il text you tomorrow x

  • Hi, one day at a time is the key, don't worry about what an odd look may be about, we with anxiety always translate that to mean the worst thing, just tell yourself you are doing what you want and need to do to start your new journey, massive step moving out on your own so well done you! Set yourself a daily goal even if it is just walking around the garden but while you're there take a good look around, breath in the fresh air, pot a plant and tell yourself how wonderful it feels and how awesome you are for doing what you have done so far :) I wish you all the best :) x

  • Thank you so much MzMily! I can't believe how nice everyone's being, as you say us with anxiety expect the worst mist of the time. It is massive step and I've been dreaming of how amazing it will feel to finally do this for more that two years, I can't quite believe I'm doing it it feels amazing! I managed to spend even longer at the house yesterday and I potted a lavender plant and walked further to the car because of parking being full which is something I've been stressing about having to do...and it was fine! It was actually really nice walking along noticing what other houses had painted the front door and what plants were growing.

    I'm trying to take each day at a time, it's really weird for me because I like to know what's planned a day in advance but because I haven't tried to move out before Im having to just see how I feel each day and when I'm there. I think that's the bit I'm struggling with most at the moment. And this weekend all my sisters and my friend are coming up to my parents house and I know there going to want a look at my new house but I'm not sure how I'll manage that. At the moment I'm only getting to house by telling myself we can turn the car around and not go in at all, just so I relax abit and don't stress so much. But I'm focusing on the positives And am so ecstatic that's I'm actually making progress. I'm trying not to get too excited though incase I trip myself up 😜

    Thanks so much for your kindness xx

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