For me

[Pizzaparty]

I’ve noticed that i have this pattern of trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations of me instead of living for myself and not caring about other people’s views of me

When I was younger I was always expected to follow the rules and never question authoritarian figures and then also growing up in a religious household i was also always expected to live life according to biblical rules , I’ve always felt like a slave in a sense simply because if ever i were to rebel , trouble would somehow follow

As i got older i noticed that the pattern of thinking carried on in my friendships and relationships , if ever i felt like I’d upset someone or disappointed them somehow I always feel like “i cant do anything right”

Idk truly if these past instances are the cause of my current behavior but nevertheless i want to live and think carefree , for me

[Anxiousmoon]

I'm sorry you also feel this way. I've been in similar circumstances all my childhood and I didn't realize there was a problem until about a month ago when I first had a panic attack. I had to go gor professional help including medications from a psychiatrist and talking to a psychologist. It's only been 3 sessions with my psychologist but I'm already recognising how my upbringing has affected my present feelings of guilt and feeling worthless ALL the time.

Even before starting therapy, a book that helped me realize that my parenting was wrong was Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. Try giving it a shot and see if it resonates with you. I'll also suggest getting professional help.

[Pizzaparty in reply to Anxiousmoon]

I’ll check it out , thank you so much and thank you for sharing your story

[Anxiousmoon in reply to Pizzaparty]

Of course! Have a good rest of the day

[Anxiousmoon in reply to Anxiousmoon]

Also, I'd like to know how that book helped you if and when you read it

[Pizzaparty in reply to Anxiousmoon]

Thank you and i will 😊