Obsession with Art

[missbelle]

I might be going through what could be the first time I feel a need to create art 24 hours a day or whenever I am not asleep. While this might be a good positive, there is a flipside. I am feeling terrible dread and guilt for the moments in which I am not, and while I am creating art, I often feel like I am not good enough.

I have worked in the game industry for a couple years. I have had to face that I am not hire-able as an artist at the moment. I haven't been able to find work.

I miss the security of having a full time job as an artist. Lately I have had to find other means to support myself such as working as a part time artists' model. I'd rather just be doing art. I think perhaps it is time I consider going to a good art school.

This morning I slept through my alarm and missed work.

This makes me feel horrible and insecure about myself as an employee. I feel a good little cry is in order as I don't think burying this down for a later outburst today would be wise. If this support forum was not here, I am not sure what I would do to express myself constructively.

So thankyou everyone for being there for me.

-Mya

[Hidden]

Hi

I am not going to pretend I know to much about art even though I appreciate it

I do know lots of famous artists came from struggling to be noticed to been famous

Anxiety gives us this self doubting & in the industry you are perusing I can imagine you will get knocks & set backs from time to time , but don't give up your dream

Art school seems like a fantastic idea I would really consider that option

I don't like to think of anyone crying because they are feeling so down but sometimes by having a good cry it can help to release all the pent up emotions & anxiety we have been feeling & we can feel better for allowing ourselves to have a good cry

Keep posting on here we may not always have all the answers but we are good at listening

Love

whywhy

xxx

[missbelle in reply to Hidden]

Just knowing you are reading my post brings me so much warmth, WhyWhy. Thankyou.

My struggles are not so different than anyone elses. Everyone has a medium in which they create their world.

[Hidden in reply to missbelle]

Hi

I am sure others are reading your posts to , sometimes members struggle to reply but they will all care & relate to you

What ever our circumstances which all can be different we all relate to the emotional side & how it affects us , little steps though & you will get there

xxx

[bepete in reply to Hidden]

I am replying to missbelle why why , your right others have been reading,

Ihope I can help .

[bepete]

HI Miss Belle

I am not lucky enough to have been able to use art as my day to day job .you are very lucky .

When I was young I was offered a scholarship to an art college. my father said that I should get a proper job ,so that I could pay my way !.

I had a life changing accident last year, broke 3 vertebrae, and crushed my foot .

Part of my recovery involved me getting back to my art again. I have just put 5 pictures in an exhibition !.

I am now 56 years old .

I don't think there is enough time for me to get all the qualifications to move forward in the art world.

What I am trying to say is you are a young lady, and you do have time to turn things around .

I have a thought !, a suggestion for you .

How's about a teaching job ?.

That' way you can carry on with your own art , and influence others .

I think this is the first time ive answered your posts, I have read them all and thought hard about them .

you are a very intelligent girl , I think a teaching role would suit you ?.

regards

pete .

[missbelle in reply to bepete]

Hi Pete. Thanks for your encouragement. I am going to consider that. Today I have been going heavy into my resume and Cover letters and Applying. I have read that you are an artist as well, before this. It's nice to hear feedback from you.

As for your accident. I understand somewhat what that is like as last year I was in a bicycle accident in which I broke my pelvis and a finger on my right hand which is the hand I draw with. My recovery took about 6 months, alot of that time I was in a wheel chair and went through other mishaps such as job loss and a breakup.

I am so happy to hear about your successes. I actually don't like to see it as an age thing with other artists. I do believe that talent is not based on age. But I have always sort of been half dipped in the pools of creativity since my childhood. And its getting urgent to be a living breathing artist fully without letting anything get in the way. And the reason this is personally tied to my age is because it needs to support me. I need to be able to live comfortably. I have depended on family to help me before but I am not no longer able to do so. My mother tells me I have to no matter what depend financially on myself. This brought me through the journey of responsibility. A part of adulthood I am learning to love having for myself.

And that is what brings my age insecurity.

It is an honor to speak to a fellow artist through serendipity. I look forward to your future posts and reading about your journey.

I will take on all of your advice.

Thankyou,

-Mya

[bepete in reply to missbelle]

Hi belle.

Thanks for the reply, I wouldn't really say I am a real artist

More of an amateur at the moment, I don't have any qualifications, other than being able ( sometimes ) to take a photograph or scene an translate it in watercolour acrylic or pastel.

I've used it as a kind of art therapy.

My art classes are now ended for the summer, the tutors name is Anthony barrow, you can see his work on google .

My own accident case has lasted nearly 8months now and has certainly knocked me sideways, my confidence is at an all time low.

I was actually a commercial decorator, working on large contracts all over the UK.

The accident has become a kind of life changing event for me as I feel at my age I don't want to go back to my old job, and after my compensation claim against the other driver comes through ,I will hopefuly be able to get a more localized job.

I really don't care what, I would work at walmart as long as I can pay my bills !.

It looks like we share a simular story, accident, relationship breakdown, depression ,anxiety!.

Work decisions?.

I would like to keep up the art, as it gets me out around others who enjoy it.

But for now I like yourself have to concentrate on finding work , to stop me from going completely cuckoo .

Love.

Pete.

[fadedlizard]

Hi Belle,

Just to let you know I am reading

I think you're very brave. While it is fantastic that you have this creative outlet it has the downside of leaving you very exposed and vulnerable. You put so much of yourself into your work and then have to sit there waiting to see if anybody else gets it. That would stress out anybody and to keep putting yourself out there when you have the anxiety to contend with too, I think you're amazing

Enjoy this creative wave that you're on at the moment but make sure you take time away from your art too. You need to replenish your batteries.

Love and Best Wishes,

Lizard.xxx

[missbelle in reply to fadedlizard]

Hello Lizard. Thankyou for your kindness. I am happy to hear the word amazing referred to me. I am starting to learn to take on the positive associations with my person.

My anxiety is heavily associated with the outside world. I am somewhat of a cave dweller because of this. I like to be alone most of the time as a safety mechanism. The outside world is not dependable or rigid, its completely chaotic and sometimes even in a good way, yet as a person, we need to be reliable. This is my great problem.

I will take your advice and remeber to take the breathers I need.

Thankyou,

-Mya