Living with Anxiety
3,317 members2,324 posts


Just saying goodbye & take Care

I have never really explained my journey on HU but here you are this is just some of it hope you will understand as I joined not because I really needed the help but to talk to people that may be like myself after reading this you will maybe understand why I am leaving for good as I cannot support something with so many flaws


Well I know I always try & be discreet & especially when I am on HU but I feel I just want to & hopefully give the briefest explanation of my experience on HU over the last two years ..this could be long I have pre warned

When I joined it was not HU but Anxiety UK

I found it was a very safe place & Administrated very well indeed

However members did keep the Admins busy to the extent where they even turned on them at which stage they decided they did not want any more involvement , which I was not surprised & could not blame them either

They were thinking of just closing it down & now looking at the situation , I personally think that could have been the best thing they could have done but HU offered the Anxiety members to join & move them over to their platform which is what happened & was named Anxiety Support

We had one Admin only to oversee maybe 5000 members at that time

I did notice he was young & when he stepped down & resigned I had already sensed it was coming which left no Admins on there

Lora who no longer works at HU but was a Community manager stepped up & said she would be over seeing the Anxiety site

I will add that they are now on their 4TH community manager in less than a year , 3 have left which makes me question why but anyway when Lora was doing the job I was stalked

Now I had never in my life joined a forum before & always warned my kids they must never join one to until finding Anxiety UK & been stalked unless you have been on the internet was one of the worse experiences I have ever been through , I did not feel it would affect me like it did but believe me it did & when you have anxiety to !

I would shake when I logged on , looking for the stalker , they would appear & slowly I would spot they had added recruits to their sick mission

I contacted Lora so many times & at one stage she assured me as I kept noticing this stalker as soon as they deleted & came back in another name she would listen to me & next time she would have them banned

So I stopped at this stage as I had some reassurance

However the stalker came back again & I quickly tried to alert Lora & was shocked she had left , no warning she was going , the situation had not been passed on to anyone else at HU & I was there vulnerable again been stalked & HU no where to be seen & on this occasion is why I deleted at this stage

After several weeks I had a email from HU from the next new Community manager , saying how sorry they were ( even though I had suffered for months ) and would I come back & Admin the site ?

They did phone me & after conversations I agreed but I have to admit I soon realized that when it came to the needs of what people with MH needed they didn't have a clue which did worry me slightly what I was now getting into

They also made the promise they were there for me & would back me up 100%if I ever needed it

Some members I feel struggled seeing me back as an Admin & I totally understood this & I did worry as they were my friends first how they would react if to keep the site running smoothly after it had been through so much damage through events that if I would have to ask them or remove something they had done how they would be towards me & unfortunately a situation did arise where I did have to remove something a member put but it was done with the best intentions & I was polite when I messaged them to explain but was totally shocked as I had known them a while how nasty they were towards me , so much so they spent a whole weekend insulting me in messages which was a weekend I lost as I spent most of it crying & unable to eat & the thing is at weekends Bank Holidays HU are no where in sight & you are powerless even as Admin to stop someone messaging you

HU however knew this member who was in a few communities & as well as on Anxiety they did have trouble with them on the other communities so they decided to ban them for good & assured me I would have no more trouble as a ban is a ban

I continued to Admin but this left me very shook up indeed as well as now Anxiety Support had reached over 6000 members & it was becoming a full time job & I did not feel I had enough support

Again I contacted HU several times trying to say I need more support here I cannot carry on doing all this on my own , promises kept coming that they were going to do something but they were always empty ones & nothing came till I realized they were just bluffing me to continue

This was maybe 8 months ago they offered this empty promise & as you may have noticed they still have no support on there or structure so I was right that I left when I did realizing no back up was on its way

I did miss everyone though so I did come back again to find the community manager I had been dealing with now he had gone & another one had appeared called Hugo

He seemed pleased to see me & that is when I asked as I felt if I started something more from scratch I could Admin it & try & keep vulnerable members as safe as possible on line if I could take over the SA site & re launch it as my own ...he was happy for me to do so & that's where Living with Anxiety started from & as most know myself & Donna were friends & I had asked would she come on board with me as that was the only way I would do it to which she agreed

Between us we put everything in place on there , I did more pinned posts to cover every accept I could think of so members could be safe guarded the best I could

I had a few problems & would contact Hugo until having contacted him over a concern that a member was calling themselves Nigger as a user name that I felt this could be very offensive

On this occasion Hugo did not reply but a young women called Simone

She said Hugo was on holiday & that she was picking up his messages & she felt the user name Nigger was fine

I did explain as I looked her up & saw she was from Brazil but living & working in the UK at HU that in the UK this word was not acceptable but fell on deaf ears

However when Hugo came back of holiday he contacted me & said he agreed with me & had removed the member as it was inappropriate , I thanked him & expressed my relief as I explained I would have never been able to address anyone using that as a user name

He did compliment us on what a good job we were doing & said he wished everyone was like us which was nice to hear

Trying to get to where we got to as now

HU as they should say anyone under 16 cannot join HU communities

And that is how it should be

We are adults but under 16 are children

So many members that we never speak to & we do not know if they are genuine or they could be lurking & we would never know if they messaged a young member & arranged to meet them , it is a social networking site & as we know they can be dangerous

Donna came across a member who had not even got anxiety but decided to show an interest on Anxiety Support that was warning anyone under 16 to not admit they were as they would be removed

Donna did in a lovely way try & express why this was a dangerous thing to be doing & she kept coming back at Donna stronger each time , saying she would warn them , she was a rule breaker till Donna just stopped replying to her & even though it concerned us we decided best to leave her with it as this was on Anxiety Support & not our site

We did say though if we noticed she joined ours we would block her as we could see she was trouble & we didn't want any of our members upsetting as we felt they were so confident on Living & we didn't want it on our heads if she say under 16's on Living before we did & warned them to lie about their age

Well she did join us so we did block her

This is when she messaged me & asked why

I explained & was polite

The next minute she had copied & pasted my message I had replied to her with & placed it on another community to which I had to be ridiculed by these members which they did & also the member that was banned by now I had noticed she somehow was back in another name & even though I told HU they said they would leave her on as this time so far she was been ok

Some use & confidence if someone gets banned that is & of course she was joining in with this other member to & taking great delight which for me was sole distroying to see this happening & yes over the weekend again with no help available to stop it

We contacted their Admins on this community & that fell on deaf ears

We then contacted Simone as Hugo has left & she is now in charge

We got back that even though HU have guidelines they are not rules

Therefore what happens on another site if their Admins are ok with it then it stays where it is ....end of !

We put several points across & she basically made me feel ridiculed in her replies

My concerns to her were

Who protects Admins

Why were kids not been removed from HU where this is a danger

Why is it acceptable a member that has been banned is back on , where is the safety in that

Why has a member been allowed to copy & paste a PM

Why was no one protecting the Anxiety Support site

These were just a few of my concerns

Basically the replies were if you don't like it then go

I thought long & hard over this

I was very hurt & not once did she thank me for everything I had tried to do except when I said I was giving the site up then she sarcastically said let me take this opportunity to think you followed by is there anything else I can do to help ???? which seemed an insult

But I cannot play apart in something & have my name attached where my main concern is these young members

As a parent I would be horrified had mine joined such a site & not knowing what dangers they could be in , how do we know who is on there in the wings just waiting to message these young kids , yes they need help but somewhere a lot safer with their own age groups & adults to over see that they are safe

Having observed HU they are only interested in communities on there that are charities & will back them up as they can advertise them

They never updated us as Admins over changes but would the charities

I would go round the other communities collecting the information that I would pass on to us that was how I got it for us not from HU

Anything you say or do on there can be twittered , copied & paste even PM'S & they will do nothing about it

Trying to sum this up as I have been writing ages here & have still missed some out , I feel it is unsafe & should be closed unless they can fully protect members & Admins

Oh I did even message Matt , the co founder with all my concerns , guess what he was not even polite enough to reply

So hope this gives some insight why I pulled out , I have to sleep at night & anxiety is one thing to deal with , knowing I am contributing to leaving people open to anything especially the young under age ones was to much for me to sleep with a clear mind , if anything ever happened & it came back it was through been a member on Living with Anxiety that someone young had been messaged & met up with someone would never be able to forgive myself

Hope this makes some sense


19 Replies

Hi WHYWHY that is awful. Yes I agree these Forums can attract the wrong types

And people who are unsavoury. As you said so well, we are adults but when a

Young person posts they are vulnerable.

To be honest I see this falling apart happening on other sites. There seems to be

No stability at the top. One person , then they leave and so on. That is a disaster,

And they don't treat the administrators in a good way.

There seems to be no support, I have felt this on another site. It's like a rudderless

Shoo flailing about.

WHYWHY thank you for being you, You gave so much, but there has to be a limit.

Hannah. Xx


hi whywhy, i had a strong feeling that it would come to this, you have been treat horribly by HU, personally i do think you are doing the right thing, being on admin is about trust, i wouldn"t trust HU to not let this happen again and again, you and donver have been great ambassadors for this site, your empathy & caring personalities have shone through, i think we would all like you to have more precious time with your family, my wife & i will always be so close to you for all the love you have given us, i do hope we will keep in touch, i think that would be too much to bear if we lost you alltogether, please take care and thank you. love J/J. xxx


Hi whywhy, thank you for your explanation as to why you made you decision to leave. I have to say I think you were treated appallingly, especially after all your time & effort you gave so freely, supporting this Site!

I understand why you have to leave & support you 100% in your decision. Although I have to say HU have lost two amazing Administrators you & Donver, this Site will never be the same with out you!

I would just like to take this opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for nurturing me in to the Site, when I did"nt have enough confidence to share on the Site/ Your PM supported, cared for me in such a kind way I felt we shared lots of same issues & you have helped me more than you will ever know, so bless you for all you have done for me personally!

I honestly thought PM were just that Private Messages one to one! After reading all of your valued points I am reluctant to share a PM again!

I am so dreadfully sorry what happened to you. You must have/are devastated! None of us on this Site need extra Anxiety.stress, quite the opposite, which you had to go through not once but several times. I think its despicable the way you have been in my opinion humiliated!

You are such an honest, kind, caring, empathetic/sympathetic, helpful genuine lady who deserves to be treated with the respect you so freely give to others.

Bless you whywhy for all you have done for me, it is a pleasure to have met you.

I sincerely hope your anxiety settles down after this dreadful experience you have been through.

Every blessing to you & your lovely family. May God guide your path & walk along side you to a healthy & happy future, in whatever you choose to do in your life, "One day at a time!"!

Wishing you all the Good Luck in the World

Grateful thanks to you

God Bless you

Love, Hugs,praise & thanks Lynn XXXXX PS I pray that you can now find some Peace of Mind you truly deserve!!


Dear Whywhy,

I am very sorry to read that you are leaving.

Thank you very much for all your support.

I wish you all the very best.


Marcus xxx


hi Lynn

That is such a beautiful reply to WHYWHY, what a lovely peron you are.

Hannah. Xx


Bless you Hannah for saying that, I meant every word!

Ditto!!! I often read your replies, thank you for the support & kindness you have shown me in the past too, with all your empathy & understanding!

You are a lovely person too.

I hope to speak to you again sometime soon.

Enjoy your evening.

Every blessing

Lynn XX


Thanks why why. I havemt been here long but thanks for your support. Wish u all the best xxxx


Thanks whywhy for all your support and kind words when I needed them the most, especially when I had a lot of suicidal thoughts you were there for me guiding me. I will miss you, you are a very kind compassionate person and I am so glad to have known you goodbye love 1darkangel xx


Very sorry to hear you are leaving, WhyWhy.

xx CarmelaGrace


Hi WhyWhy,

Thanks for updating us of the problems. I can only re-iterate what others have said.

To think you volunteered for this job, no pay and lots of hassle. I am glad you have put your needs first, you don't need any of that pressure.

I wish you well and a hearty thanks for all your good advice.



WhyWhy I havn't used this site much but I completely understand. You are one of life's good and kind people always there for others . Gemmalouise X


I'm so sorry is has happened. It isn't an appropriate way to treat someone. Thank you for all the support you provided and trying to do the right thing,

Sarah x


What a horrible mess whywhy and all you've done to try and keep the site running straight has been ignored by HU. I don't blame you one bit for leaving.


Hi whywhy, you didn't have to explain yourself, but thank you for sharing your experience with us. I'm sorry that it came to this as you will be greatly missed. You will always have the respect and support from many of us here whom you have helped. Thank you for everything. I wish you peace, love and happiness.


Now this is horrible!

Omg whywhy and Donver, what kind of person would do this?

This world is getting heartless by the minute :(

Whywhy if you do happen to read this I was sosososo thankful for your reply, it helped me so much :). (pm) my internet froze couple of times and then shut off for a few days I had written you a response but I was a few hours to late :(

Thank you for all that you have done and hopefully one day you'll log back on again at least as just a member :)

I feel like this place won't be the same without you guys :(

Lots of love and best wishes for both of you




Dear Why Why,

I would just like to say thank you to yourself and Donver. Your wit and support was very much appreciated.



Hi Whywhy,

Have only been a member for a couple of months, and I have read your posts with great respect. I do not do any other communities apart from this one and thought it was a lovely community. I was obviously wrong. Some creatures have nothing better to do than post nasty comments about others. I did put creatures as no normal human being would do such a thing. I am sure I can put we, as we (the nice ones) as a community will really miss you. Take pride in what you have done for others and ignore nasty comments. As I have previously said these creatures are low life's and have very serious issues that they should be addressing. Take care Whywhy, you will be surely missed.


Hi why why just logged and read your post. I don't think you will be able to read this but just wanted to say you are star and have helped so many people and thanks so much for all of your support.



Hi why why just logged and read your post. I don't think you will be able to read this but just wanted to say you are star and have helped so many people and thanks so much for all of your support.



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