Getting it off my chest.

[Ash86]

I have started writing how I feel on here a million times over the last couple of days and then I delete it cause I think it sounds silly or doesn't make sense but I'm just going to say how I'm feeling.

I've had to go back to CBT over the last couple of weeks as the relationship I was in that in fact had me feeling back to my old self for the last 8 months had ended. So I found myself really hurting over it. Problem being and I think my CBT lady agrees is that yes everyone goes through breakups and its a part of life, I probably wasn't mentally ready to go through one after my last one ended and all the anxiety problems I've been going through on top of it so its probably affecting me 10x what it would for someone with a "normal" mind.

Everyone keeps telling me I need to find the "joy" in my life but after thinking it over and over and over I've found that although I have friends, family and whatnot I don't have anything or anyone that directly cares about me if that makes sense. You can have all these people round about you and still feel the loneliest person in the world.

It's a complicated situation with my ex as well, they suffered from depression last year and it's came back to them so bad they feel that they cant be in a relationship anymore so it had to end. I'm trying to hard to believe that yes that's all it was but in my mad paranoid mind I've convinced myself that it was me and that I'm to blame, you know the usual you do when a relationship breaks down. Trouble is I don't know how long I can take feeling like this much more. It's got a point now I just think what's the point, I hate that I've become that kind of person thinking things like this but its like my mind has taken over. I've had 28 years of constant happiness for a few months then it get's snatched away from me, I guess I'm just questioning now if I'm ever gonna find the happiness that I think everyone deserves?

xx

[Hidden]

Hi Ash

I have read your post , I will be back to answer you , so don't think know one cares because we do

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Ash86 in reply to Hidden]

Don't worry, I wouldn't think no one cares of they didn't answer, it felt a bit better just writing down what I was thinking. My head is so far up my behind its good to get a moment of clarity now and again xx

[Yummimummi]

Hi

Please don't think that what you write down is silly.

It's not silly at all

It is a very good idea to write things down. I keep a journal, I write down everything that I'm thinking regardless of weather it's silly or not.

Maybe go back for some more CBT just to give you a boost.

You can always rant away on here, we all understand on here.

No body will think you are silly , we all look out for one another on here

Check out Headspace and calm.com

These are very good websites that help to keep things calm

Keep posting on here.

Hope that helps x

[Ash86 in reply to Yummimummi]

Hi Yummi

Thanks for replying, its good to know that I can come on here and just write down what I'm thinking about.

I don't actually remember the last time I was so lost in my thoughts, its mad.

xx

[Hidden]

Hi Ashley

I am here just they have took away my squatters rights & made me move & I am not following it at all

Well done getting your feelings down , that takes some doing & I know it can be hard to try & express how you feel

I know you say that you feel alone even though people are around you but even when you are in a relationship & a good one you can still feel very much a lone

A relationship does not make you feel whole as a person , it can be like putting a sticking plaster on the wound so it stops you feeling what is really going on the inside & then if it ends which yes is painful we just don't have that grieving to go through we are still left with us & what is going of inside which the end of a relationship seems to magnify this even more as we add extras on to thinking there must be something really wrong with us why this happens to us but it is life

Work on you & learn to accept yourself as you are when you do you will start to attract others that accept you just the same & the chances are it will work out

Think you know one of the answers & that is maybe it was to quick after the last one

But I know even though you don't that one day when you are ready & the time is right that special one is waiting for you

Don't know if this makes sense as this box looks different to me , not that it should make a difference to what I am saying but it is throwing me of a little

Love

whywhy

xxx