I'm just confused about everything. My life is a mess, which is ironic because everyone thinks I've got it together. My grades are great, I play sports almost everyday, some of them to quite a high level, and I love it. At least I LOVED it. Now I feel rare happiness. I get so emotional over things I can't change, like the fact that children die because they have no access to what comes out my tap at anytime I want it. My parents' marriage is a mess, my mum wants to leave my dad but he doesn't know. He smokes weed and drinks a lot and she is fed up. I hate him for not even trying to stop when he knows the more he smokes it the less time he can spend with me and my little sister. My mum is a controlling person, she wants to make sure I don't make mistakes instead of letting me make my own, she thinks she is helping but she isn't. When she is angry or upset she always takes it out on me because my dad doesn't live with us, I hear all about her issues with her family feud and stuff with my dad, but I can't talk to others about my problems. I have never had a best friend, someone who I felt I could tell them anything. I have friends just not ones I could tell about what goes on in my mind. One time I broke down and cried in front of my mum and said I wish I could just be dead, she took me to this therapist, I hated it. But now this has gotten to the point where I know something is not right but I just don't know what. I took a load of depression tests and the average response was that I am mildly depressed. As well as the other things, I get scared of my own thoughts and feel like I just want to leave my own mind for a bit. Suddenly thoughts come into my mind and I can't seem to got them out. I also get very sensitive sometimes, something like a stabbing on the news can send me into a mood where I don't talk to anyone for hours. I don't know what to do or why I am even on this website but I just ant the pain to stop. I don't want to seem crazy but how can you feel pain that roots from your thoughts and how you feel in your mind?? How is that possible?? Yet I feel it everyday.
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