Giving up hope

[CC84]

I’m just writing on here to reach out for coping mechanisms really as I’m really struggling. I’ve been ttc for 3 1/2 years and have been messed about left, right and centre by the NHS and feel no further forward than when I met with my doctor 1 1/2 years ago. I’ve just had another negative result and arrival of another unwanted period and broke down at work in the middle of a meeting, I’m just struggling to cope with it all now. I’m scared of being stressed, I’m afraid to admit that I need help. I keep thinking I should visit my doctor or talk to someone but I just don’t and put it off for the fear I’ll just be ignored and not taken seriously. I’m the strong one and should “man up” but I’m really struggling now and put on a big positive front. I’m dying to speak to someone but just can’t. Please let me know if there are others in this situation, how do you cope with the constant monthly grief? What do you do to keep positive? I have a fertility appointment at another hospital at the end of this month, but I’m scared to focus on it just in case it leads to nothing. Any tips, help, advice would be so greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Mel77]

I'm afraid there is no special recipe. This all is so emotional draining! When we embarked on infertility treatment, we decided not to tell family and friends. And for a long time we didn’t tell anyone else. We thought, this is all going to work out, and then there will be a baby and we don’t need to tell anyone how it all happened. So there was all this pain and anxiety and sadness in our lives, but we weren’t sharing it … I wasn’t sharing it with anyone because I was too proud.

Infertility treatments also have a big impact on your sex life. In fact, at times you aren’t even allowed to have sex. My dh had to mix my drugs and then inject me and it absolutely wasn’t how we’d ever thought we’d be making a baby. Another issue, dh told once, in IVF the focus often for understandable and necessary reasons is on the woman and her body, but that can make a man feel redundant and uncertain about what’s required of him. He said it felt a bit like watching from the sidelines.

We went through 2 shots ivf. 1st - bfn, the next - bfp twins. Currently another ivf cycle. I do still have tough moments and private cryings, depressive thoughts whatever, but sharing things with knowing ladies on boards really helps, hun. Stay strong, sending you huge supportive hugs xx

[JustKnewIt]

The only thing I can say you should stay strong. It's so important not to get disheartened whilst being in the process. I know it must be hard though our stories differ much. But there is noone but you to fight it. I'm sending all my supportive thoughts to you. I'm praying for your soon luck. I know it will take time but I truly believe it will work out for you like it did for me. We went surrogacy route. The path was weired and strange and difficult to pass but we did it and have nothing to regret about. This is not our fault we have issues preventing us from natural conceiving or carrying a healthy pregnancy. We face this and seek ways out. Illiterate people may say surrogacy is immoral. It's destroying the family basis.. But I don't really care what people say. I used to avoid them and have my mind at peace. With surrogacy things were vivid. I knew I'd have a baby, a beautiful mix of dh's and my own DNA. Our beautiful blast was implanted 5 years ago. Our sweet Laria was born by planned Caesarean, absolutely strong and healthy. I was at the surrogate's side in the operating room meeting our girl for the first time in my life. I find it absolutely priceless! This was the surrogate's blood to nurture her. This was her womb not mine where my sweety made home comfortably. This was her body to be a safe place for my daughter not mine, but I'm thankful. I will be thankful forever. No matter what people are saying. Noone has right to judge here. We always ask ourselves ladies: 'why me??' - eh? For me the answer is clear now. It was me to pass the tough path, to get our tiny miracle and to appreciate every other day spent together!! I'm wishing you the best of luck with your new clinic. I hope the process will go on faster for you with the best outcomes only. You should believe the greatest reward is ahead! I'm praying for you, honey xx