What to do what to do!

Hello, I’m Lucia. Having big problems with my health I can’t give a birth and also get pregnant in natural way.

My poor body contains cardiac failure, asthma and time to time I suffer from hypertension, it comes suddenly and I’m afraid one day it will have finished with brain attack.

Last year I have visibly put on weight this is additional problem.

I’m 40 and my last monthlies were half year ago.

I’ve never been pregnant I have no children. It’s terrible to be alone. I’m not officially married but I have admirer and it seems he wants to become my husband.

I don’t know a reasons. He’s handsome and younger than me.

So I want to change something.

33 Replies

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  • Poor girl!!! I feel for you!!! Every day is a challenge for you, it's horrible! I even can't imagine how you are feeling right now!! You might be devastated and helpless, sorry about that.

    Don't give your pain be stronger than you!!! Fight with it, there is a lot of options you could apply for.

    p.s. if you want to change something just start with yourself! Only positive thinking and pure reason!!!

  • I ain’t more broken than others who TTC for too long. I guess so.

    Actually it’s terrible to live in such way. Sometimes the only thing I wanna do is that crying whole day, whole night, praying for god to change something! Why do all people have a chance? And I've got no!

    I feel like a freak, feel weird and odd waif!

    My decision was that to say anything I feel and wanna say. I'll be open to talk just don’t stop to ask me.

  • oh no no, sometimes the God gives a challenge just to see if you are enough strong to overcome this, he doesn't want to punish you he wants to reward you with a gift in a future!!! I know, it sounds ridiculous but you should to accept your condition right now and gives it a time. For sure, your day will come and all your problems will vanish into a smoke!!!

    you have a chance as well, you don't see it, you just go with thoughts that you are poor but it's wrong. You must be happy the God gave you a live!!!

    p.s. have you ever received psychological counseling? Maybe it will be better in your case?

  • Yup, it helps to manage some issues. I had meetings with psychologist during 2 years. Thank to her, she helped me to avoid big problems in current time. only now I can comprehend how strong her contribution was.

    I’ve been recently given sack from the work I loved. I guess it was due to my appearance. But at the same time I have a boyfriend who never said that I’m not pretty or not enough good to be near him.

    I suppose we need to set specific goals and try to solve all our (my) problems.

  • All your worries are just inside your head. try to understand your man wants to be with you, he wants to spend his life with you and I'm pretty sure he will do his best in order to make you happy, don't you think so?

    He loves you without doubts, believe me, no one wants to be with a woman who can’t bear a baby.. I can tell it from my personal experience.

    how long have you been together? Have seen his bad attitude to you?

    Goals? What do you mean speaking about it?

  • We are together about one year and half. It was active and dynamic period of relations. We met in one month after he had left his previous love affair. He felt really bad he looked like abandoned puppy.

    But I saw how he was blossoming next to me.

    Honestly I felt the same rebirth near him. It’s my story about the last year full of true happiness and grace I had never experiences this before.

    But how can’t I be worried?

  • oh wow, a kind of nice love story. Did you like him as well from the first time? awww, I love happy stories, you see, now he wants to be with you and he wants to have kids with you :) and no matter how's your journey will end, you are family now and you should be happy with it.

    Worried about what? About his true feelings? Do you believe he will be together with his ex?

  • No. no. I resist believing in that nonsense it makes me feel totally bad. I guess if he decides to be back to his ex I’ll die during the first hour on the instant I found out it.

    Cruel thoughts! But I have confidence in our couple and our relationships. We are likee two lovely pigeons. But it’s a modern life you know. Ok! No any place for these damned ‘BUTs’.

    Yes, thank you I want to believe only in the point of words you said. that in any case we are already a real family.

    How are you?

  • Any modern life can't stop love, if you are in love you'll be forever together. Believe me, the same was with my hubby. He didn't leave me and I'm so thankful to him.

    Sorry for such personal question, how's your sexual life, I mean is it reg? It’s a vital part of every family relations haha

    p.s. I'm not good, as you probably know my surro had a negative blood test. I'm devastated but my hope is strong. I'm praying for my surro next try.

    what is your next step?

  • Oh, hun! I’m so sorry for my awkward question and for that you needed to answer repeating about your misfortune. I wish you’ll be alright.

    I don't usually talk free about my sexuality indeed it’s a forum and this theme cannot be suitable for everyone.

    Anyway we have a sexual life and it’s amazing by itself. Honestly I can’t call us the rabbits. He has his problems I’ve got mine. Maybe it’s not regular but we try to do it not less than once a week.

  • Sorry about that.

    You told that you are afraid your hubby could leave you and be with this ex, don't you think it's all because of luck of sexual life and love. As you know it's important for every person, especially for the health.

  • I think we give and receive enough love to feel happy as clams. It really makes us feel blissed together.

    You mean regular sex is good for normal heath? I certainly agree with you. it has a sense. If someone doesn’t have a possibility where and how to express his emotions and energy that can be converted into an anger.

    waht about you, do you have any similar problems with health?

  • yes, I had some issues with my health. It would be right to say it was my doc mistake. Due to c-section I've lost a chance to bear a baby by myself.

    But now I feel I got a new life with reproductive medicine. I don't know how many times we will try but for sure one day would be the best day in our life.

    a week has passed since we talk to each other. How are you feeling? do you have any good news?

  • I know you saw my new posts but I was so dissipated because I’ve just found out what the problem you had.

    Even can’t imagine how it’s to live after such incidents when the only person which you can place confidence in makes a mistake. The mistake that changes the all your life.

    It was a terrible blow.

  • thank you for support.

    The only thig I can say is God sees everything, you know what goes around, comes around.

    Anyway, I'm ok right now, my surrogate is in 2ww again and we are looking for a positive result.

    What about you?

  • I'm sure he loves you, that's why he wants to marry you!

    You're not alone! That's great you wrote here, now we can support you and help to cope with your feelings! Sometimes we need to bear a lot of intercurrences to become happy!

    The most important is to understand your goal and find what exactly need to be done to achieve your goal!

    Did you consult your doctor about the options he could recommend you?

  • Actually he’s my light, my passion, my power, my desire, my helping hand. Now he’s the one who beautifies my dark chamber and existence.

    Probably I’d feel like creeping insect from Kafka’s novel if he was not beside me.

    I’ll not dare and risk to go through the pregnancy to necessary term, I guess my baby will not be able to survive.

    Surrogacy seems a reasonable option considering all my problems.

  • Ohhh, I just can’t relax after I knew how many problems you’re overcoming.

    You'll be a hero when you become a winner of all these troubles.

    I think you have to walk my way. gestational surrogacy is one of the ways. Actually if your doctor gives you his approval or recommendations you’ll know better what to do next.

    I guess most of all you want to become a mom… now you just may imagine this wonderful experience.

    But be sure your case will change in soon. And your opportunity to have a baby will be closer that ever.

    XX X

  • Thank you all! Thank you! It’s nice from you to give me such support.

    You’re right I want to be a mom at last. I’ve lost too much important time now it’s harder that it could be 10 years ago.

    And yes we think a lot about surrogacy or adoption.

    Have you ever lost the feeling of reality being afraid to lose your boyfriend ‘cause you can’t give him a babe?

  • I decided to convey this question into general discussion. I guess it’s serious thing. And also it’s a pretty common situation.

    Please show and share your thoughts regarding that.

    “Have you ever lost the feeling of reality being afraid to lose your boyfriend ‘cause you can’t give him a babe? “

  • Sorry… are you really on this way just to retain your relations with man?

    Sounds not good. I think you’re afraid of things which aren't the crucial ones in your personal case.

    Certainly you don’t want to lose your love story but your intended baby isn’t a tool of relationship maintaining. So cruel and divesting plan if I understood you correctly.

    Try to think more

  • Ohhh, really no! I was afraid to hear such suspicions. Please don’t blame me in that.

    Even if I was absolutely alone and I’ve never know him I’d want to have my own baby anyway.

    Do you accuse yourself or anyone else who had desire to raise and love their own children but they couldn’t?

    But these are two the most concerning things in my life, my inability to have a baby and my chance to be with my man.

  • I believe we should be sincere here. Well, as for me, I always had such fears, and still have them. I feel myself guilty that he had to suffer because of me. But I had much time to think it over and now I realize that I won't get rid of these thoughts....I learned to coexist with them!

    There was a time when I was so afraid that, unconsciously, I did everything to lose him, but then he said that he loves me and will love no matter of what, then I realize that It's only me who cares about it even more then he does.

    So you should let these thoughts go away from your head.

    Tell him about what you feel and what you are afraid of. The best way out is to talk to your better half.

  • You should know I understand who I am. I think it’s not a secret how I feel and what I see looking in the mirror. I’m not young, I look not good and fashionable. Perhaps the fact I talk a lot about my health isn’t good way to solve problems.

    Speaking about my worries I speak about that thing I can’t get pregnant, I can’t give a birth, and so I’m seriously afraid to lose my wonderful current relationships with my man. Because he’s healthy, he feels alright and never complains.

  • It's all in your hands! people see us the way we see ourselves. You are only 40. You are young! He fall in love with you for some reasons! Don't make self-searching, don't delve into yourself. Just enjoy every moment and do your bets to have a child. Love him and everything will be alright.

  • Actually you absolutely know that you are right in your advices.

    I’ll continue loving and hoping, I’m trying to trust in my female beauty and competence to become a mother sooner or later. It has to be the day I’ll be a mother and plenty of issues will vanish, and new pleasant little troubles will appear.

    What a marvelous line of human character! I mean hope.

    But my personal relationships is a very important part of my life now but secondary in scale of my entire life.

    What should I do to make my parenthood approached?

  • You can consider surrogacy or adoption as the others adviced. If you can afford a surrogacy, you should try it. I think it could be faster than adoption process. What does your man think about surrogacy? do you talk about it?

  • I guess he will be agreed if his sperm takes part in fertilization.

    Don’t know anything about adoption, I’m not ready to wait for so long and also we want to see our baby since the beginning of its life.

    We wanna be fixed in its memory.

    being brief, we didn’t much discuss this option, but I know he will participate in case he’s father in the genetic level

  • That's great! Then you should try it! Don't play for time, act! surrogacy is the best way to have children for people who have not ability to carry a baby on their own. But as I said, it is a process for one year or even more, so if you want to have children as soon as possible, you should make haste.

  • The decision to check my previous post was completely right. With having a troubles in my personal life I was thrown off the scheduled course and frustrated. I felt bad due to that we broke up our relationships with my boyfriend.

    My urgent plans to start a surrogacy journey were postponed and firstly I intend to improve my health.

    It’s strange but for now I don’t feel an emptiness I find myself in full readiness for acts

  • Didn’t you think what if you are really pregnant by now? You’ve written you had no periods for more than half year sometimes it can be so I know I saw on tv some women even can’t notice that they pregnant at the last stage! It seems like fantastic but we can see such cases, indeed.

    Maybe you have the same? Also you said you had put on some weight…

  • You really mean that? oh, I think I’d be aware if I was pregnant. It’s too serious question to me. I guess I’d feel it by all parts of my personality by each organ.

    But I know about such stories, it often can happen to women engaged in professional sport with everyday high load.

    But I think my weight is the outcome of hormonal dysfunction.

  • Excuse me, please. I could say something wrong to you. it’s actually your personal experience, I meant it just could be so, because science has examples of such cases.

    Certainly you know how you feel.

    I really meant no offense. I wish you solve your problem as soon as possible.

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