The word of the day is surrender. Surrender to whatever this is. This life. These struggles. I am literally doing everything that I can to get a chance to make a baby faster. Short of us moving to another state. Which is a ridiculous thought right now anyway. There is nothing else I can do. So why keep fighting with that? I’m tired of being sad. I’ll think about it everyday until it happens but I can accept that. In the meantime I gotta figure out how to bring meaning and joy back instead of just focusing on what I don’t have. Want doesn’t get. I’m just done fighting against it all. It is so tiring. And the more I fight, the deeper I sink, the more I feel like I’m drowning. I think I’m just going to relax and float away with the currents for a while.