Second stint in ICU and afraid

[JaneDough]

Hi all. I have just got home after my second time in ICU in the last 4years. The first time was in 2019. I had a chest infection that turned into penumonia which led to sepsis. That time I was in an induced coma for 3 months and in hospital for 5 months. I recovered thankfully, but then in September this year, I had diarrhea for 3 weeks so I'm was admitted to hospital. It turns out I had ulcerative colitis which remained undiagnosed during my stay until I became so ill that I had to have emergency surgery leading me to have an ileostomy, so when I eventually came round after ICU I discovered I now have to poo in a bag. 🙁

Both times I was in ICU I suffered from delirium. Terrible, frightening times as some of you no doubt know. I'm home now, my mobility is improving and I'm trying to stay positive , but I'm terrified of become ill again because I don't think I would survive another ICU stay. I was told that most people don't survive ICU twice.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I guess I just needed to get this out. I'm 53 and have a 14 year old son and I'm scared to death that something will happen again and he will be left motherless.

Sorry for catastrophising. I'm not having a good time this evening. Thanks for reading x

[Rhyl1 Partner Moderator ICUsteps]

You’ve had a really tough time so you’re entitled to feel wobbly at time. Have you thought about joining a support group? ICUsteps offers face to face groups, have a look at icusteps.org/. If an online group would be easier there’s one run on zoom by critical care support network on Thursdays at 7:30 pm. You can get the details at cc-sn.org/drop-in-meetings. You’ll be able to talk to other ICU patients at different stages of recovery.

[Sepsur]

one of the most unnerving things about nearly dying is that there was little warning. On a Wednesday I caught what I thought was a bad cold. I remember skiing, I remember a little of the flight/journey home that Saturday. From then to Monday I remember minutes. On Monday I had gone into sceptic shock and put in an induced coma for 57 days. There, I fought for my life, remained in ICU for 90 days and a further 32 on ward.

I hadn’t felt particularly unwell from my recollection- so to be told I’d almost died onnnumerous occasions, that they had had to restart my heart etc etc etc was shocking. Four years later hospitalised with Covid - on day 3, they spoke of critical care if the novel antivirals & antibiotics had no effect - thankfully I turned a corner. I remember trying to prepare myself for delirium!!!! Whilst I was treated brilliantly in ICU - I never want to return.

[downthemoor]

Agree with everyone here..the support groups are life saving. Like Sepsur I was hit like a train totally out of the blue. That makes me SO nervous of it happening again as there was no warning. although compared to a lot on here I was only in ICU for 6 nights, I am told that makes little difference to recovery when they are fighting to save your life. Life is a real struggle mentally and physically 12 months on. I really feel for you, get as much support as you can. On another subject, my partner lives with a colostomy after bowel cancer and copes well especially as was taught to irrigate by the stoma nurses. Investigate this when you feel stronger as it really life changing and much more civilised. Good Luck!

[BigH63]

Hi JaneDough

I’m sorry to hear that.

I was in with Covid pneumonia back in 2021 November then I came out for two weeks then back in as I had developed embolisms one on each lung I then came out in Jan 2022, then went back in Jan 2023 with sepsis pneumonia plus loads of other issues that left ICU to call my family to say goodbye. I’ve now been out 9 months and slowly getting better.

So I can completely understand where you’re coming from about getting ill and going in and not comeback out, it’s a massive worry I know.

Both me and my partner have locked down for the winter, not seeing anyone no Christmas no going out for a coffee or other, and when out to shop mask is on. I definitely know my body does not have enough reserves to do it again, am I scared yes absolutely I am. 63 hrs old and scared of getting a cold how did I get hear lol

All I can say is keep out of the way of others if you have to mix wear a mask and make sure it’s FFP3 rated not the hospital type they are rubbish.

Anyway fingers crossed, hoping you like I survive the winter.

[JaneDough]

Thanks everyone. I hope everyone stays safe this winter. I'm feeling a bit better today. Last night I was really low and worrying about everything. I think just writing the post helped. BigH63 sorry that happened to you, my family also know how it feels when the ICU doctors aren't holding out much hope for recovery, both times in myncase...