The icu after care team have introduced me to icu steps xx

Hi, I'm 31 years old, I am mum to four beautiful children! beginning of last year I was admitted to hospital with what they thought was hyperemisis at 18 weeks pregnant, turned out it was aspirated pneumonia which quickly turned to sepsis resulting in being ventilated in icu. My family were told there was a 90% chance I would not survive and that the baby would not survive the medication let alone the trauma, but by some miracle we both did, my baby is 9 months old now and perfectly healthy, however I am struggling to come to terms with the whole experience, ecspecially with the icu delirium, my family is great, all very supportive but i just can't seem to shake of all the horrible dreams/hallucinations I experienced due to all the medication, it's very hard to understand let alone explain how it feels 😔 

5 Replies

  • So pleased to read both you and your baby are fine :)    the feelings you have will wear off gradually we all feel we will never get rid of it.  Don't forget it's a lot for our bodies and brains to go through it is traumatic,  I still now have moments where I am staring into space and the dreams I had in coma will come back to me clear as day.  I don't think they will ever leave but I am so happy to be alive.   

  • HI JerseyAmy - the fact that you and your baby survived, and are doing well, is wonderful. But clearly it was a terrible time for you. Please be re-assured that having persistent dreams and flashbacks, post ICU, is normal, as I  discovered on reading this site.  It may not be much consolation, but at least you can be sure you are not 'going mad' or being unnecessarily 'weak' in your recovery from this ordeal.  

    I agree with JoJo's comments here: it does get better over time, and the impact of the dreams etc will diminish, even if you remember the actual content vividly. I can even laugh now about some of the crazy things I imagined. 

    It's natural to want to understand and explain one's ICU experience, but (speaking personally) I think this is a longer term project. I needed some distance between the experience, the recovery, and feeling able to  begin to actually 'process' it all.

    Some people have found writing a diary, or having some counselling, helpful.

    Don't put yourself under pressure thinking you 'should' be doing better !

    There's nothing wrong with living on a day to day basis while you are recovering, and especially when you have a baby to look after.

    Like you, many of the posters here are lucky to be alive. (I had a very late diagnosis of a Boerhaave spontaneous oesophageal rupture, and the surgeon told my family I probably would not survive) It's a very strange feeling: lucky to be still here, and in reasonable health, but terrifying that one can be so close to death. I'm still struggling with that, five years on.

    Hope you find this site helpful,  best wishes and good luck with your recovery!

  • Thank you both of you x

  • Hi jerseyamy,

    That's quite story and its one with a good ending. Don't worry to much about the hallucinations etc as we all seem to have them during our ICU experience.

    I was sedated and ventilated for a month and as you can imagine I racked up quite a few crazy dreams in that period.

    The memory of them stayed with me until now and that's 5 1/2 Years ago but the intensity has weakened.

    I was lucky with my dreams as most of them were good ones but they were also very real so you do remember a lot of detail as if you had actually lived them in another life.

    You will get through this but it will take time.

    Tony 😊

  • Hi. Apart from the children aspect your story is very much the same as mine and this Site, I have now learned, is one of our coping tools. I have now learned to accept that it will take time and not to rush things. The main thing is that you are A Survivor. Just talking on this site to us all is also party of that recovery. Any time you feel low or something seems alien to you now just get on here and talk to us. I chat with Bill quite a lot and think we have struck up a friendship. My wife, although my part time carer, has to work as well so on the lonely parts of the day it is so easy to think too much about what happened to me during that four and a half weeks.  The point is that something did happen and you may notice changes, as I did. We are here for you just remember it will take time but you will recover.


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