My wife has just spent nearly 4 weeks in ICU, nearly 3 of those on a ventilator, and was recovering well from Coviduntil being transfered to Royal County Brighton on 7 Feb. Diagnosis was necrotising faciitis, and major surgery followed within hours.
She's now back in ICU in Brighton, induced coma, and very touch and go...
I'm finding it hard to cope on a number of levels - lost my Dad on Boxing Day, and then my wife's Dad just after she went on ventilation. Now this... and the hardest thing is not being able to see her and be with her when she's so ill again. She was so looking forward to coming home, even if it was still a while away, but this has happened so fast I can't seem to get my head round it.
I found doing a few hours of work today good in that I had to concentrate on something else. But I worry about my mother-in-law as well as my own mum, and my two kids (adult but at home). My head just spins... and I feel completely out of control.
ICU staff are great, I keep a diary, and we all send messages from our phones which she was so enjoying reading before this latest blow. What else can I do?
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Bluesman1
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Hi @Bluesman1 - all I can say is life sometimes is shit, there is no getting around it.
8 yr ago after a routine op on gall stones, my mother/in-law fitted, only to discover she had a brain tumour/ she went straight into Walton Centre was operated on, after a considerable rehab- she came home very incapacitated both mentally & physically. Eventually she had started to walk a bit / 20 paces. A few months of radiotherapy left her bed bound and only able to move her left hand. She was in constant pain and 2 yrs later the tumour was back, my wife was her main carer with her Dad who became very unwell himself. The strain of looking after them ( not unwillingly) took its toll on us as a family. We decided to go skiing - half way through that week I caught flu and that is the beginning of my ICU story. I leave hospital 4 months later. My wife is now looking after me, her Mum & Das and bringing up children, dogs, and trying to work. Within a year both her parents die within 7 wks of each other, I start treatment for leukaemia, my Mum dies the following summer & my Dad is diagnosed with rapid onset Alzheimer’s (all of our parents had appeared fit & well and were fairly young).
We get through it because what is the alternative?
We run a friends & relatives drop-in on zoom every Tues 7pm - email if you’d like to join
Yep, life can dish it out sometimes. I'm learning to look for and cherish the positive aspects of each day. Had some good conversations yesterday which helped, and keeping busy helps keep negative thoughts at bay.
Hi Bluesman1I'm so sorry to read about your wife's condition. My brother is currently in a similar situation (although not from covid but for bowel cancer surgery complications), and I can totally feel what you're going through. What has helped us all is a belief in the greater plan, and prayer (meditation, trying to connect with your loved one through different ways: I text him every day). The only thing I can say that being gathered together and praying has helped my family to keep calm and stoic, and have more positive thoughts. Maybe this collective energy is helping somehow loved ones in need. The recovery is a long one, and it is step by step. My brother is still intubated, but last Sunday we almost lost him due to septic shock. His rectum was necrotized, and so were parts of the colon and peritoneum. His kidneys are still not working, but just the knowledge that he fights and keeps fighting is very important for the family. Covid restrictions make things much more difficult, as we can't be with our loved ones, so we must place our faith in the doctors and God. Another thing that has helped me personally is the realization and acknowledgment that he almost died and that the road to recovery is a very bumpy one - I went to my doctor to get tranquilizers and we started talking about the situation - listening to myself say out loud that he almost died and that he might not make it, was what made me calm down, and refocus and have positive thoughts. I hope this helps a little bit.
Hi - thanks for this.We too have found prayer to be a great help, and having a fabulous network of friends has been tremendous.
Picking up some work again has been a good move as it gives something else to focus on.
I'm also trying to look for the positive in each day - for example, so not getting phone calls from the doctors is a good thing as she's not deteriorated.
Thank you for taking the time out to reply, and I hope your journey is successful.
I don't think I have much to add apart from that I found having a little hobby that I could do to relax me in the evening was helpful. Something that didn't require a lot of brain power and that was easy to pick up and put down.
Apart from that, I have found the relatives group amazingly supportive and helpful. It's great to be able to chat with a group of people who have all experienced what I was going through and know that I wasn't alone.
Hi all,Sadly my wife passed away Wednesday afternoon. I guess she fought so hard to get over the COVID-19 that she didn't have enough left to fight this next battle.
One positive I take away - the ICU teams that looked after her were awesome. The final couple.of hours we spent with her were really difficult for us, especially we we said to stop treatment, but the compassion, empathy, and concern shown by her nurse Hannah and all the staff was beyond anything I could comprehend.
Even reading her diaries that the nurses kept were amazing.
Whilst nothing can fill the gap in my life, I find great joy in knowing that there are some real (and I mean this) heroes who walk among us. Nothing can ever say how much I thank all the nurses and doctors who worked so hard to help my wife - making her laugh, helping her on a short recovery journey, and helping to make her passing a dignified, private, and peaceful experience.
ICU can be a scary place, but the people working there are the best in the world.
May your wife rest in peace. ICU Staff are truly angels that walk on this earth. My thoughts are with you and your family. Make sure to take care of yourself.
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