PTSD? Fear of dying

[Kelsa]

Good evening, this may seem strange as I was initially in ITU about 10 years ago at the age of 25 I developed severe urosepsis and almost lost my life. I have an underlying bladder condition called fowler's syndrome which means I have to rely on catheters to empty my bladder via my belly button. Since January this year I have been suffering with lots of uti's, and needing admission to hospital or IV antibiotics via the home team due to resistance. Last month I had a simple procedure in hospital under GA was meant to be day surgery, however I had a reaction to the anesthetic after and ended up itu for monitoring. It's really scared me and bought back old ITU memories as well as the infections I seem to have a massive fear of dying. I have 2 children now so feel this is worse as wouldn't want to be without them. Whilst I appreciate it may be irrational thoughts it's also very real to me.

Just looking for any advice. Many thanks x

[Sepsur]

have you had any therapy for PTS in the past?

[Kelsa in reply to Sepsur]

No I haven't I've looked up my symptoms and feel it looks like PTSD. Had no therapy or counselling after ITU either x

[Sepsur in reply to Kelsa]

I was told to seek help if any symptoms of anything persisted.

[Rhyl1 Partner Moderator ICUsteps]

Please don’t just hope that this will go away. My experience as an ICU psychotherapist is that getting help now is important. I have seen patients who get to the point where they delay going to hospital because of the fear of going back to ICU. I would recommend seeing your GP and getting referred for EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing).

[Kelsa in reply to Rhyl1]

Thank you for not dismissing my post/feelings. I went to my GP yesterday to sort out prophylactic antibiotics as per my consultants request, I can't have any off the ones based on my last culture as there not suitable for prophylactic prescribing. 2 are Iv and one they won't give. I tried to explain the feelings above and I felt heard however it was more about the Dr ringing for advise from micro and didn't ask me or elaborate on my thoughts and feelings therefore it made it difficult to talk about it. Especially as I couldn't speak to the Dr I wanted.

[Rhyl1 Partner Moderator ICUsteps in reply to Kelsa]

You might find an online support group would help you to clarify talking about your feelings. You could try the Critical Care Support Network one on Thursday evenings at 7:30 pm. It’s on Zoom and there’s information on cc-sn.org/drop-in-meetings. It’s the meeting I help with when I can and everyone is very friendly

[ZanderB in reply to Rhyl1]

I did EMDR. Must admit I was sceptical beforehand but I do think it helped.

[FamilyHistorian]

My father died when I was 21, he was 59. When I was 59 I had a very difficult year but despite thinking I would not last the year out I did.. Anniversaries of events cause havoc with the mind. Following my stay in ICU I had CBT therapy which worked for me and of course there are other types as well. I have great admiration for you living with a catheter and all the infections it brings. Not only that you have a young family so you must be incredibly positive.

I’m due to have an orthopaedic procedure under GA but knowing my back ground I was given an opportunity to talk to the anaesthetist- that helped a lot.

[Kelsa in reply to FamilyHistorian]

Thank you for your reply x

[Sepsur]

weirdly- ICU has cured me of any fear of dying - don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die.

[ZanderB in reply to Sepsur]

I get this. I don’t fear death (although I’m kind of terrified of any slow, painful hospital-based prelude to it)