It’s six months on from the day I woke up from a drug induced coma. I’ve been thinking that I should write some Positive words of gratitude and be writing about how I’ve fully grasped my second chance at life after what happened to me. Truthfully however, the last six months have been the most difficult of my life and at times, I’ve wondered what I put up a fight for. Coming face to face with your own mortality like that makes you question everything you ever knew. Who even was I anymore? Why did my body turn against me like that? Is it all my fault for not caring for myself properly? Will I ever feel like I used to? Is my career over because of what happened in the most horrible year of my life?
It isn’t just all those questions that bothered me. I’ve had to deal with the fallout and memories of what I thought had happened to me in a coma. I wasn’t just peacefully sleeping, I was enduring day after day of horrid nightmares where I’d been made to do things in order to prove my life was worth saving. I’m slowly coming to terms with the PTSD I’ve been left with and I’ve also begun a new health and fitness regime to make sure that my children are never left without his Mum again.
I must admit that I’ve stepped back from this site over the pandemic. There have been a lot of relatives on here posting about their loved ones looking for advice. I did initially try to start helping people with my experience but found this too triggering for my PTSD. I have been working with my therapist on this and things are improving.
I’ve now had a 6 month follow up scan and I’m delighted to say that there is no long term damage or scarring to my lungs! I’m now on the path to recovery properly and know I’m only going to get stronger mentally and physically from now on. The cause of my viral pneumonia and respiratory failure is still unknown but anyone who has a relative going through the ICU experience, please know there is hope of recovery and living a normal life after.
Much Love,
Vicky x
(Left picture is my scan in December whilst on ICU, right picture is my 6 month follow up scan from last week. You can see the difference!!)
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VickyC1982
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Like many others, I really appreciate all your help on here Vicky!
I’m so pleased to hear of your incredible rehab and how reformed your lungs look on the latest CT. Amazing! I bet some doctor will write up a little case report on that. That is definitely some transformation! They are literally unrecognisable.
Wishing you an abundance of continued good health, both mentally and physically!
It's good to hear you're on the path to recovery Vicky. It took me about twelve months to work out of my system what happened to me, physically and mentally. Even now, five years down the line, I still feel that I'm in the process of resolving these issues. Good luck, stay strong 💪🙏
Thank you for your update. I totally understand how traumatising all of what was being described could be.
My youngest daughter spiralled as soon as they started to show footage from the Northern Italian ICUs on the news. I had been in ICU 4yrs earlier.
It is so important, as you are doing, to seek professional help for trauma or PTSD. I’m not pretending to know in anything about psychology but in my pedestrian way I understood that we store trauma in a different part of the brain ( an area that doesn’t go through the normal brain processing procedure) - so when we describe the trauma all we do is retraumatise - we can’t talk it out. We need a different approach CBT for instance. This is very difficult to access through NHS. My loved ones really benefitted from proper counselling.
I found that I was fairly ok with all that had gone on - I suggest that because I was in ICU for so long & then conscious for a further 33 days in ICU that I almost became habitualized to it.
The only time I get disproportionately anxious is when I’m having any procedure. I explain to the medics that I had ICUdelirium and during this period I was ‘experimented upon by medical staff for decades’.
I’m so pleased you are back because I’ve always enjoyed ( if you know what I mean) your posts.
Wow! I’m 3 ½ months out of hospital and didn’t have any support until finding this group (Chester) earlier in June. I don’t think I am into therapy yet but understanding yes. We do various chair exercise sessions which certainly improve the physical side of things. The informal chats before and after these sessions and at the group meeting, all on zoom, whether you participate or not are sooooo valuable.
For me writing does help. I am transcribing a WhatsApp record kept by the family and also recording the detail of the nightmares / hallucinations which are very vivid.
There are so many things that have changed that the only way to manage them is to be positive - “always look on the bright side of life”
I'm glad to hear about your recovery, Vicky. It's always good to hear about the positive stories.
Picking up on a couple of things:
Firstly, it takes quite a long time to recover from ICU and an induced coma - and afterwards, you won't necessarily be the same person you were before. During recovery, you won't necessarily be a very nice person and it can confuse the hell out of relatives and carers when you don't react in the way they expect.
Secondly, you may need professional support to help you back to 'normal' (whatever that is). In your case, dealing with the PTSD; in my case, I was convinced something else was going to go disastrously wrong and I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. A course of counselling made a huge difference!
Finally, with care and time, things usually work out OK.
After coming out of hospital, you may still be on various drugs e.g. Paracetamol for pain. There is some evidence that Paracetamol can make one less empathetic. (e.g. academic.oup.com/scan/artic...
Waw Vicky, this is me! Not as long as you through recovery though. Your scan says it all, well done you! I’m finding the mental trauma worse than the physical stuff too. I have a CBT counsellor who is great. I have written my story down, the delusions, my “memories” that are my memories, but actually delusions and paranoia from drugs, it was really helpful. Even now, 13 weeks later, when I read over my memories .....they WERE real! I saw them.
Every question you asked, I’ve asked myself time after time. I’m not leaving my girls behind either, my work, my health, why me?
My hair has almost gone, just to add insult to injury, but your message is encouraging. I so want back to work, but know it’s not time yet.
I had covid ICU for two weeks very ill,I've had councilling from mind charity and support from sepsis trust they do covid support and you can talk to ICU nurses the trauma was worse than the illness in some ways I'm on week 9after leaveing hospital and am returning to work it takes time but you will heal xxx
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