One year on..

[Stevie-123]

This time last year I was in an induced coma on a ventilator for 2 weeks after contracting fungal meningitis on my honeymoon. I then spent another 2 weeks in ICU. I’d started having seizures whilst on a remote island off Panamá and my husband got me off the island and sedated in a local hospital before organising me to be air lifted to Panama City for better treatment. I’m really lucky to be alive. The year anniversary of the experience has brought up a lot of emotions and feelings of anxiety again. Some PTSD symptoms have also returned like panic attacks on the tube/restricted spaces. I was wondering if anyone else had had a similar experience at the 1 year mark and how long it lasted if so?

[Sepsur]

Anniversaries are really tricky for many of us - especially the first couple - I’m 7yrs on and my anniversary passed without note - probably surpassed and relegated by more recent trauma 🤣🤣🤣🤣💙

[Stevie-123 in reply to Sepsur]

🤣🤣🤣 good to know it passes over time. Thanks for responding!

[BaconNEggs]

I had a similar experience recently. I was in an induced coma for just over 2 weeks about 14 months ago. About 3 months ago I went on Holiday with my family and I think that was the point that it all came out. The combination of relaxing and the anniversary just triggered something. Lots of anxiety and emotion, that was stopping me from just living basically. I contacted my GP who diagnosed PTSD and put me on some medication and I booked CBT appointments. Both of those have helped as I now feel much better and have returned to work etc. It took about 2 months to get back to normal functioning.

The CBT helped with providing ways to combat these emotions and anxieties that just creep up. I would recommend talking to your GP. I also have private medical insurance and booked the CBT sessions through them.

[Stevie-123 in reply to BaconNEggs]

Thanks for your reply, it’s good to know this is a somewhat similar experience for others. I’m lucky to have therapy each week through private insurance too. I’ve also experienced Post Traumatic Growth where I have moments of pure elation to be alive.

[helen_m in reply to Stevie-123]

Love the Post Traumatic Growth feeling 😊

[Stevie-123 in reply to helen_m]

It’s so special 🙌

[Copse77]

I find this a very useful resource to understand trauma and it’s affects.

readingicusupport.co.uk/pdf...

[CLM68]

You ae not the only person to not look forward to their anniversary of being in ICU. Unfortunately for me, there were several major news events that happened around the same time which are repeated in the news each year! However, I now treat my illness as something that happened to me, I survived and try very hard not to let it rule my life...easier said than done I know and I do sometimes suffer from episodes of PTSD and flashbacks but they are getting less common.

I haven't been able to get back on a plane yet but I commute by train...one step at a time.

Maybe go for another honeymoon to replace the memories of the one that left you so unwell?

[Stevie-123 in reply to CLM68]

Hi! Thanks for your reply! Good to hear you’re able to travel by train, I can, but not during rush hour. We’re flying to Ibiza next week for a bit of a mini honeymoon redo. I’m apprehensive about travelling but also feel ready (or as ready as I can be to try flying again). Did your PTSD also manifest in issues with travel after ICU? That’s my major remaining PTSD symptom. My therapist explained it’s to do with lack of control, as during my illness everything was out of control, including my body.

I definitely resonate with not wanting to let this control my life. I also have symptoms of Post Traumatic Growth - in many ways I feel stronger now than I did before my illness and immense gratitude for life each day. In the beginning I had so many moments where I would cry with the joy of being alive, I still have it at times.

Thanks for responding, it’s great to be able to chat about these things. I’ve had incredible support but ultimately, most people don’t understand what almost dying is like and the mental journey you have to go on to come out the other end .

[CLM68 in reply to Stevie-123]

I couldn't travel into London without someone going with me and it was only using the stopping services so I could get off if I needed to...it did take a lot longer before I could use the underground and fast, direct train services.

I did have some weird "dreams" when I was being brought out of coma (they tried twice) of feeling trapped in a box (amongst other dreams) and that sensation of feeling trapped does seem to have stuck with me to a lesser extent...I now don't like anything touching the top of my head! I think that is why I haven't wanted to get on a plane yet but on the plus side...I have discovered the more leisurely pace of cruises!

You are right, unless you have actually experienced ICU, coma etc it is hard to explain. However, our families also had to deal with it as bystanders which had to have been tough on them.

Hope your Ibiza trip is amazing.

[Tuffymason]

Hello Stevie, happy happy anniversary. I am here for myself but it is my sister that is sick. It is very new just this past week. She is stable and off the respirator but is still very sick. I am struggling horribly with what I saw and heard. I would like to know how your ordeal affected your spouse. I am frustrated at myself that I am struggling so that I cannot help her. Tuffy

[Stevie-123 in reply to Tuffymason]

Hi Tuffymason,

This is Stevie’s husband. I am so sorry to hear about your sister and what you are going through.

It is such a challenging time when a loved one is going through such a sickness. I felt powerless at times and overwhelmed by emotional and sadness. I cried regularly.

There were many things that helped me during that time and I thought I would share a few. 1) focusing on the here and now and the facts rather than what could happen in the future - every day Stevie was stable while she was on the ventilator was a mini success 2) relying on a support network - it is incredibly hard to go through something like this and having family and friends WhatsApp groups for the support was what I leaned on and also called many people regularly 3) building self care and strength - I found it hard to sleep with recurrent images of what happened. I found some soothing spiritual music and took sleeping aids and refrained from drinking much. I am not religious but having something to believe in spiritually was important in those times to give me strength to keep going.

I hope some of this helps. I am glad your sister is stable. I am sending you good vibes. You can get through this.

[Tuffymason in reply to Stevie-123]

Thank you so much for your reply. You describe it perfectly. I am a pretty strong person and the powerlessness was terrible. That and the unknown and the waiting. We were told it could be weeks. Then there was the fact that she was taken to a regional centre over an hour away. Being near her was imperative but just an hour was too close not to make sense to drive home rather than spending a fortune on a hotel. So coupled with the fear, anxiety, the unknown, the waiting and driving back and forth, navigating the situation was becoming a real concern long term.

Thankfully we will not have to deal with that. My sister came off everything yesterday. It was just a week on life support but more than long enough for us. She is out of the ICU to a regular room and awaits space for a room back at our own hospital back home. They still have not figured out what caused her illness but continue tests. I thank you again for your helpful and kind words, and wish you and your bride health, peace, and happiness always. Tuffy

[Stevie-123]

We are so relieved to hear that your sister is on the mend and can move out of ICU. Sending best wishes to your family and for her recovery. All the best!